Birdie, I first want to commend you in your approach. The fact that one of your initial actions is to reach out and find answers from someone or some group of people that may have an insight as to what you and your husband are experiencing should tell you that you’re going to be ok. You might not be as intolerant as you think. It will not be easy but I think Stephanie nailed it. When I first told my wife she was more hurt of the mistrust than the actual dressing. I don’t know if that’s the case with you but it seems to be a recurring theme with our SO’s when we come out. My wife and I went to counseling after I told her and pretty much said what Stephanie said. You both have to be comfortable and set boundaries as to what degree of this you BOTH are comfortable with. Also don’t be afraid to have very candid and awkward conversations. This something your husband has probably struggled with ALL his life and does not want to hide anything from you anymore. He loves you very much and I think you love him very much. This process is not easy but I will say, since I’ve come out to my wife, she herself says our marriage is stronger. She admitted to me a few year after I told her that I keep her and many others at arms length, only letting them in so much and she just accepted it. I’m happier with myself as I can be a better husband, father and friend to her. In marriage isn’t that all we want. Our SO is our best friend, lover, our better half and isn’t that all that matters.
I wish you best of luck and re-read what Stephanie wrote because she made some very good points.