Hi Eileen, I appreciate your view as the SO. I think many times the SO assumes the therapist will “side” with them. The ethical duty of a couple’s or marriage therapist is to do what’s best to keep the marriage intact (when possible). In our case, my wife didn’t like the suggestion she learn to live with Brielle. The therapist we have now is much more balanced in approach. She suggests we look at things from a fresh perspective, but unfortunately we arrived at a physical separation way before I’d hoped that would even be a possibility.
Most SOs also don’t want to engage with other CD or trans couples because they fear anything altering pre-conceived images of what marriage is, and deep down believe the CD or trans person is choosing what they want over their SOs wants.
It’s definitely a balancing act for the SO. Change your entire view of the marriage to “satisfy” the spouse, or take a hard line and likely end the relationship anyway.