Your observations have struck a nerve with me. I have been a crossdresser since I was 5. It has both increased and waned throughout my adult life. In times of great stress, it was far more prevalent than in those times I was at peace.
Until this past year, the urged was all but non-existent. In the past 10 months, however, I sought treatment for low testosterone. It was not exceedingly low but, enough so that I was given a weekly shot of testosterone. The first effects that I perceived was a slight bit more energy. Then came the slowly increasing libido. Eventually, my libido was raging like a teenager’s. I found that I was not receiving enough sexual attention from my wife, who had grown accustomed to my relatively non-existent libido. This initiated an increased tension and sometimes outright hostilities between my wife and I.
At the same time that my libido was increasing, I realized that a renewed and surging interest in crossdressing had developed. During this period, I increased my wardrobe by a factor of ten. Presently, Alice’s underwear drawers now contain twice that of my wife’s.
At the conclusion of one heated argument, during a moment of expressing regrets and seeking reasons, I tried to atone for my ill spent words and attitude and I confessed that I was a life-long crossdresser. My wife turned to me and said, “I know, I have known for our entire marriage.” She explained that she had early on discovered photos that I had taken of myself in full femme. She stated further that it did not bother her but that until we get back to a happy place in our marriage and she can forgive my outrageous and inflammatory outbursts and rages (never anything physical) she does not want to participate or observe nor will she engage in any other physical congress. She has encouraged me to do it in private as often and to whatever extent I desire.
After a couple of months of testosterone replacement, I noticed that I was gaining weight. Then I started to notice that my breasts were beginning to swell and were incredibly sensitive to touch. After speaking to my doctor, he concluded that the bulk of the testosterone that I was injecting, was being converted into estrogen through a metabolic process called Aromatization. I am neither a doctor nor a scientist, and I don’t pretend to fully understand this conversion of testosterone, but my doctor prescribed a medicine to prevent the process. And that medicine was working.
The blocker was working but, both my wife and I noticed that when on the blocker I was far more aggressive, less patient, less pleasant company. We began moving even farther apart. I had decided to stop taker the blocker for a time and now, two months later, I have observed the following about myself. My breasts continue to grow. My ED has returned with a vengeance. The hair on my head seems fuller and has taken on a new, thicker texture. My body hair appears a tad lighter, as does my beard. The biggest physical change has been my skin. It is undeniably softer and smoother. In fact, my wife accused me of having Botox, which I have not. I have succeeded in keeping the weight off with aggressive dieting and moderate exercise.
My emotions too have changed drastically. I am much less aggressive, actually leaning toward submissive. I am so much more attentive to my wife that I fear that I am becoming a nuisance. I have experienced an increase in what I would have in the past regarded as very unmanly emotions. I am often find myself on the verge of tears. I was never one to display or even feel such emotions. Her slightest touch excites me and often leave me giddy. I know what this is that I am turning into and I have a conflict in me; stop this and return to my masculine self and likely lose my wife, or continue and lose myself.
I constantly crossdress now. I cannot stop. The compulsion is far greater than I ever experienced before. I have been wearing women’s underwear and only women’s underwear for more than two months now. I always wear matching underwear. I find it disturbing if my bra and panties do not match. I wash my lingerie by hand and hang them dry right next to my wife’s.
This change in my personality I attribute to the fact that my estrogen is surging.
I do not hide the fact that I am wearing women’s underwear from my wife. She has only commented that “if it is what I need to do, then do it.” I find that I need to share this with someone because my wife doesn’t want to be part of this or even be made aware of it. I am taking greater risks each day, displaying hints of what I am wearing under my male clothes. I am venturing out of the house, in spite of a great risk of detection by nosey and unpleasant neighbors. Discovery would have many untoward consequences for me and my family.
From my experience, at least from my non-scientific and flawed (because I am not a scientist and I am making an observation of myself) analysis, I conclude that you a correct. The diminution of testosterone with a simultaneous increase in estrogen, can result in a greater proclivity for crossdressing in older males.
I have braced myself for all criticism, so let me have it.