Reply To: CD Anniversary?

[Rhonda Lee]

I crossdressed since early teens but never knew I was a crossdresser, or that there were others, until I made a 300 mile trip to Atlanta to meet a Tri-Ess group. I did not have the first clue about makeup tools or how to apply it, so visited a dressing service B&B. The lady asked me to open my suitcase, which revealed my belongings… a couple old bras and a dress I had retrieved from a Goodwill bag. She chided, “You call THAT a wardrobe??!” I was not expecting to go out anywhere, and would not have expected to be able to hide my male features, but she transformed me within an hour or so into a lady I could not recognize. I was amazed and thrilled beyond belief to meet my femme self. I consider that my birthday, as Rhonda (then Barbara) did not exist until that moment. She had shoes, skirt, blouse, jewelry, shapewear,  breast forms, and  padding to add to the foundation, powder, lipstick, blush, eye shadow, eye liner, and mascara, to complete the transformation. She painted my nails and taught me how to walk in heels. I thought that was it for the eve but she ushered me out the door and had me drive her to a fancy French restaurant. Before I knew it  I was trying to negotiate how to swivel my nylon-encased legs and heels out the door as lady-like as possible, failing to make any effort to affect my voice… a deep bass.. as I handed over the keys. The rest of the eve was one exciting first after another as I was instructed what to do and not to do re. touch-ups, rest-room etiquette, etc. The next day I again was told to chauffer her to a shopping mall. Before I could think, I found myself ducking behind racks of dresses and other female attire. Ramona ushered me into a changing room, where she helped me try on a few garments, buying my first two dresses while trying to avoid giving the clerk identifying information. Lunch was next. I was told to drive next door to a Chik Filet. Relieved, and thinking I’d go through the drive-through I discovered that the plan was to enter a restaurant packed with teenagers who would no doubt read me in a heartbeat! Passing that test without event, we returned to her house for me to get glammed up for my first meeting with other CDs. Driving there was a real first… my first time alone, fully dressed en femme. I did not expect to meet others quite like me, but I at once felt in tune with everyone and realized I belonged with other kind-hearted souls who share unique blessings. I came to accept myself and others on a very fast track. So to me, that was a new birth or awakening to who I was created to be, and it is all good, nothing to cause shame or guilt… a blessing, not a curse. Not everyone has the luxury of both a feminine and masculine side. My feminine side was born November 13, 2009. It has led to tough decisions, a divorce, distance from many I love, lack of acceptance and understanding by others, and great pain, yet it is MY path, with many more blessings than curses. Learning to accept ourselves is, I think, far more valuable than acting in ways that earn the acceptance ad approval of others. Following my path- accepting my personal destiny and using it to benefit both my authentic self and others as able- is what I think counts above all. We all need a purpose, to know who we are and do what is consistent with that. I think those of us who are crossdressers by nature have a difficult path, but a path filled with treasures at every turn if willing to follow it. At least we know who we are and that is a good basis for finding a path to our individual destinies that can benefit ourselves and others more than playing a role which is inconsistent with who we truly are. The question is what means more… to be a good actor, or to act in a way which is consistent with our nature. Neither course is easy. I have chosen the latter path In spite of its pain ad losses, I’d rather celebrate life by marching to the beat of the drummer I hear. As Shakespeare and Emerson put it: “To thine own self be true, for then thou cannot be false to any man.”

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by Rhonda Lee.