Holly Morris
Registered On: April 15, 2022
Topics: 45
Replies: 109
Has thanked: 1207 times
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Hi Cassie.

You’ve received a lot of great advice and points of view from many sisters here, so I hope you don’t mind me adding one more.

At the end of the day, only you can decide whether coming our to the people at your church is critical to your personal well being. By that I mean you have to decide whether or not the backlash you might (or might not) experience is worth the relief you’ll likely feel by having come out. For me, the decision that I came to was that I came out to my priest. I was fortunate in that he was amazingly supportive, but I didn’t come out to the rest of the members. As long as my priest knew, I had peace in my own heart. One of the reasons that I wanted to tell him was that I felt as if I was keeping secret a part of me that needed to be shared so that he could better understand who I was. Plus, since I had recently come out to my wife, I wanted her to be able to speak with him openly as well, and for him to know know I was not hiding anything from her either.

Unfortunately, churches are made up of people, and people are full of flaws, like all of us. Churches are also very political, full of cliques, full of people who are often jockeying for power positions, full of people who are broken and the only way they feel better about themselves is to make others feel worse, etc. Plus, in church, people often say one thing and then act completely differently than what they say. I’ve had that happen too many times to count at church, which was one reason why I didn’t come completely out. The people that need to know already know. The ones that don’t, I didn’t tell.

The truth is that many of us who are Christian have struggled with being somewhere on the transgender spectrum, and often have been struggling with this issue for literally decades. I have. It wasn’t until I finally came out to my priest and he told me that I was not any more of a sinner than anyone else with any other issue that I finally was able to feel a sense of peace when I crossed the threshold of the church. But like someone already mentioned, there are many churches, especially the fundamental types, that are extremely judgmental and condemnatory, so before you come out completely, you need to know and understand the boundaries that the church membership operates within.

I wish you luck in your decision on this, because again, only you can make that decision. If you’d like to speak more about this, I’m always open.



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