I hope that things have gotten better for you and your wife since you posted. I am a SO, my partner is actually not on this site, just me.
I originally joined this site about 5 years ago to help understand…and to open my eyes a bit. I wanted to know what was out there so I wouldn’t look shocked, scared, or upset and hurt my partner’s feelings. I have to tell you I developed a very lovely friendship with one of the CDs on this site during that time who mentored me a lot. I was able to learn how she and her wife worked things out, how it went with the extended family, and their children. It made me realize there can be normalcy.
My partner stopped CD for a while. I always thought it would come back and it has. I have returned to the site again for the friendship, lessons to learn from others (both genetic girls, cross dressers, and transgirls), and sometimes a place to mourn or feel heard. You have received a lot of good feedback from many. The truth is us SO are gaining something, but we are also losing something, and we do mourn. Sometimes if we found out in an untruthful way we have to work through our anger. I know that can be scary for the CD…. but if the anger is not worked through no progress can be made either. Anger unresolved leads to resentment, no one wants that.
I hope your wife chooses a site like this, a support group, or a therapist to just have a friend to lean on. If I could offer just one piece of advice from me personally it is to always be truthful.
Wishing the best for you both! Ang