This is a question I’ve been pondering about myself over the last year or so and I think I’ve narrowed it down to the possible cause.
I can’t recall ever having any urge to be like a girl as a child, quite the opposite, I don’t think I took any interest in them at all. While at times I could be quiet and reserved I also happily took part in the normal boyhood pursuits, although an interest in sports soon fizzled out.
I think the trigger happened after puberty. A growing attraction to women led to the… er… obvious ‘expression’ of it (I’m trying to keep this PG) and the only pictures I could find were in the bumper store catalogues under the coffee table (I hope this gets past the moderators). In those bygone days there were two catalogues a year – Spring/Summer and Autumn/Winter, the latter was the one that ‘did it’ for me. The lingerie section of course, with its stockings and suspenders, but also the short party dresses and long split sided gowns. In fact, all the things I like to wear now. I didn’t like the summer season as much, too many flowery frocks and bare legs, and I noticed my dressing went a bit dormant during the last summer too. Maybe I’m a dark and wintery girl.
The point I’m trying to make is that my urge to dress may be the result of sexual imprinting (if there is such a thing) rather than an awakening of something that was always there, but I’m not qualified to judge. Certainly, for most of my adult life, my feminine fantasies have usually been of a sexual nature. I rarely imagined dressing outside of that, although on the rare occasion I did wear something femme I found it seemed like… something different.
When I finally succumbed to the pink fog last year it started as a way of finally confronting those urges, but here’s the kicker – it quickly stopped being a ‘sex thing’. I never used to fantasise about wearing wigs and forms or putting on make-up, yet I want them now. Not for anything sexual but to feel good, to feel different. I think I’ve misunderstood those urges for years. Although I think I’m right about the trigger.
Amy x
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