I can’t believe it’s over a year since I was last here. Life has been very quiet for me. Ariane is still a secret. But I now have two weeks at home alone. I went shopping and Ariane is now fully dressed: black dress, hosiery, heels, pearls, make up and hair. It feels so good. I actually went out for a drive as Ariane this morning. No-one took any notice of course. People – other drivers especially – look at the car rather than the driver.
There’s still something missing though. Being able to see and talk to another human being who understands what this is like and who accepts me as I am. Sometimes I have a very strong urge to open up to female friends I’ve known for a long time. But how would they react? It’s such a risk.
I’m still trying to summon up the courage to have a makeover and some photos which I could then post here. Maybe this will happen next week when my diary is largely empty.
I’m trying to keep Ariane separate from my other interests. I know there’s often a link between dressing as a woman and wanting to be with a stronger woman who likes being in control. The nearest I’ve got is being dressed as Ariane and watching suitable cult movies like Barbet Schroeder’s Maitresse and the 1995 Venus in Furs by Neuwenhuis.
For now though, Ariane is alone here in Godalming, drinking gin and tonic and thinking girly thoughts.
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