Francine Scott
Registered On: January 29, 2018
Topics: 2
Replies: 23
Has thanked: 24 times
Been thanked: 106 times

My reason? I’m tempted to ask if a reason for my trans-femininity is required. I truly believe that every man has an innate desire to be a woman. I am of the opinion that resistance to this most natural of male yearnings accounts for the aggression, misogyny and toxic masculinity so many men suffer today. This said, in common with most at Crossdressing Heaven, I began to cross-dress at a young age. In my case, I was only five years old when I discovered my mother’s top lingerie drawer. The memory of that breathless, dry-mouthed, heart-pounding moment remains indelible to this day. As best I can remember, it was my first experience of an erection. Such an early encounter with sexual arousal is, without doubt, profound and formative. My trans-odyssey since has been typical of our kind. Throughout my childhood, youth and early adulthood, I was on the cross-dressers’ merry-go-round of masculine grief. For too many years of our lives, in the masturbatory indulgence of our femininity, we despair at our post-orgasmic, lost masculinity. We undergo all the classic symptoms of loss – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Our denial is evident in the fact that few of us have failed to feel that post-orgasmic shame and sense of ridicule when we cross-dress, followed by the subsequent rush to return to the familiar comfort of male attire. Further denial and anger can be found in the repeated wardrobe purges through which so many of us have put ourselves. Then there is the bargaining, like it is nothing to do with femininity. I just like the feel of silk or I’m just into wearing panties, what’s wrong with that? The inevitable, subsequent depression of our denial reveals only one way to the salvation of our acceptance. We are destined to repeat this cycle until we reach a point of true acceptance. In my case, this was in my late twenties, when I came out to my girlfriend. Her validation helped me, in time, to accept me for who I was. Recognition of the sexual nature of what we do has been a mainstay in my trans-odyssey. My post orgasmic shame was cast aside with a newfound appreciation that post-orgasmic was merely the beginning of renewed pre-orgasmic. For many years, I favored and held onto my pre-orgasmic state by means of disciplined chastity and orgasm denial. It let me enjoy being a woman on a mundane level. I was to learn there are few pleasures greater than washing dishes, doing the ironing or hand washing lingerie when wearing a dress and my finest feminine frippery. Now, I enjoy my orgasms to the full, without shame, only the desire to remain en femme and be a woman. There are many reasons to cross-dress but I have focused on the sexual without apology. I often think of trans-femininity as a masturbatory cult. At the risk of becoming self-indulgent, little wankers, there is, however, a path to spiritual enlightenment in what we do. Regardless of my profane indulgences, my trans-odyssey has been a journey of the soul, bringing me ever closer to the divine.

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