Here’s my take on this, for what it’s worth (it’s free): First, I’m in the closet and I believe there is no way my wife would be OK with me being a crossdresser. We would devolve into a DADT relationship. We would not separate or divorce – we would both respect our vows to the end, but it would be a barrier between us that wasn’t there when we met and when we married. I should have told her right away, but I was crazy in love and didn’t want anything to spoil the delicious fun we were both having.
Secondly, I think if you meet your future wife or SO while dressed, so she truly knows who you are, it won’t mess up your future relationship, because she will have already accepted that part of you. Of course, things might still go wrong down the road, but if they do it won’t be because we’re both “girls.”
Religion and culture have socialized us — both men and women — to think crossdressing is sinful, shameful, perverted, and it’s the rare woman* who can step outside that conditioning and be OK with their man who is more than “in touch with his feminine side.” I didn’t count it up, but my sense from reading the answers here to April’s original question is that most of us would not have married our current SOs had we met while dressed.
Same for me: I might be married today, but not to the girl I met who is now my wife. And I wish it were not so.
* Or man, of course.
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