Not sure how many want to relieve those hurtful words again but I’m sure all of us who have come out to our SO’s have heard one or two or more. Just a single cutting phrase from our wives who know just how to push our buttons can be a terrible stab to the heart.
As many wives do when we first come out to them at first my wife flip flopped accepting then hating. I think some here call it backlash. I won’t repeat any of those hateful words but one night she really let me have it destroying my confidence as only she can do to the point I was miserable for days and even considered suicide to escape my dark depression and lack of self esteem. I was at a very, very, low point. Instead, I purged everything I had to relieve my mental stress and I swore I would never dress again. I tried to accept my miserable condition and be a “normal” man.
Well, we know how that goes. None of my previous purges worked but at least now this one kept me from the brink. It worked for that purpose but after about two or three weeks I had that old desire again and this time I had a good talking to myself.
I went to a local park and sat alone crying and trying to determine what was really important to me in life. Mentally wrestling with myself for a couple hours listing the pros and cons in my head of my current state of affairs. I was a blubbering mess and surprised no one approached or called the authorities. After hours of tough heart breaking realizations, I knew my feminine side was a real part of me and I didn’t care WTF the wife thought about it anymore. I couldn’t hide in the closet any longer. I decided to finally accept this side of myself and not to be ashamed of it ever again. She could no longer hurt me with it. That moment was when my anxieties and depression concerning dressing began to fade.
Later I had a talk with her and let her know how her hateful comments affected me. To my surprise she changed her attitude and began to help me buy clothes. That was over six years ago and now its no big deal to her and I express my femininity every day within limits. Its enough to let Michelle breath and be happy. Funny how things work out sometimes.
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