That even though I only want a few select people to know about April. Others here in CDH or others at CD/Trans events. I have a desire for some sort of validation of me crossdressing as April and need to express my feminine side in writing and being open sharing with others. I feel the need to post pictures as part of that validation I had several in the public section, but then got scared when my wife and I struggled a couple months ago after attending an event she felt burdened being the only one in the family who knows of April. She expressed that my male appearance was changing to much with shaving body hair and trimming and shaping eyebrows that they are fine in female mode but I look ridiculous in male mode they are obvious huge changes. Our tensions were high and I removed all my public photos as they are all over the internet I found out. I have since then reposted one in the public section as we have talked and worked several things out. Being on here has created an almost daily need for me to be on here to listen to others and to comment and communicate about things feminine and with those who have similar experiences. I want to share others my experiences to either give support or offer opinions or information to help others not have to experience some of the same negative things I have. We all have struggles at times with our spouses as this is not the easiest thing for most women to accept.
I enjoy helping and supporting one another here on CDH as we all have struggles with acceptance at one time or another in our lives, sometimes multiple times whether it be ourselves or from our spouses. We work towards gaining that self acceptance and to let those we love know this is a part of who we are and that we just want happiness. I love my wife and I understand at times I know she is scared that the April side is growing slowly and wanting to be out more and that she is not happy with changes I make to my male side to accommodate the feminine appearance. I am sure though for me that I do not want to be a woman or to live full time as a woman, I love my male side and enjoy things that I do, besides it is really for me too much work to look and act as a woman. So finding that balance to level the water line so to speak at times is challenging with all sides both my male and female side having to give to maintain a healthy relationship with my wife who also is giving as we work out compromises.
So ultimately I have become more open I write more, I offer more opinions and experiences, I communicate more with my wife both as a man and as April. I want to dress more than I originally thought a few years ago. I also want to get out in public 8 to 12 times a year. I want to be a better husband, father, son, friend, neighbor, I also want to better when I emulate women when I am April.
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