Wanting to feel happy isn’t being selfish.
I’ve had a similar dilemma many a weekend, many an event…. wanting to dress something feminine, even subtly, wanting my wife’s approval, not wanting to spoil her mood by even asking. I usually don’t broach the subject, go in full guy mode reluctantly, feel slightly sad, and the years are ticking by. One of these days I will let my desire to be me just push and ask/tell her… I just need the right words and a few stiff drink of courage.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
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