I’ve been out so often that there is little to be afraid of.
I’d like to address some of the fears that I’ve seen mentioned here:
- Being seen by others you know: I’ve seen people I know a few times. But out of context, they will probably not recognize you. They are not out looking at people wondering, “Is that woman over there really a man, and someone that I know?” They are busy shopping, or walking, or with their family. One time I was waiting for a friend when I saw a former teacher of my kids and someone whom I occasionally see when we have joint religious services with the neighboring town. As she is walking towards me, she has that blank stare like she is trying to place me. It got uncomfortable and I just looked away. That broke her concentration with a nonverbal message that she was staring. She looked away and went past me.
- Being read as a male: I know of many times it has happened. Remember, you are not going to fool all of the people all of the time. So understand it’s going to happen and just deal with it. Most of the time people don’t care. My first time out to a diner with a woman, the manager/cashier asked us how everything was. The woman answered, then the cashier asked me. I had to give an answer. I was probably read, but nothing was said. I’ve been out other times to restaurants with other CD’ers, so it does become obvious. Most of the time they don’t care, they aren’t even taken aback when hearing a male voice. Once I was out at a restaurant and left a table of other CD’ers early. I overheard a woman tell her friend, “You see that table of women down there? I don’t think they’re women, I think they’re men.” Since the others didn’t overhear, and no commotion occurred, they were read but didn’t know. If you’re read, you probably want to ignore it. Just don’t escalate the situation.
- Being in an accident: I got into an accident a few years ago. I gave the police my paperwork, all of which was in my male name. They called an ambulance to check me out. I didn’t need to go to the hospital, but they asked my name and I gave them my male name. I didn’t get any reaction on either end.
Imagining the worst is probably a survival instinct we have to prepare us for danger. But rarely does the worst situation occur.
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