This is a difficult question for me to answer, but I’m going to answer as honestly as I can in case there are other people who feel the same way and think they’re alone for feeling this way.  I’m not a happy person and I haven’t been for years.  Ever since my teens when I first attempted suicide I became a manic-depressive person but my mind has been stuck in the depressive state for years.  In the last few years I’ve been trying to fix that, and even though I think I’ve made the right decisions (including coming out as a CD, trying to be more social, volunteering, .etc), none of these have made me happy in the long run.  I don’t regret these changes I’ve made, but my mind still belittles everything and I end up thinking nothing I do matters.  Now when I try to think of what makes me happy, I honestly don’t know.  I can’t even put into words what happiness feels like.  It seems like a totally alien emotion to me.

So, if I can’t be happy, and I don’t want to be sad, what can I do?  I find keeping busy calms my mind.  I have several hobbies that keep me busy, and I’m fortunate enough to have a career that keeps my mind occupied with trying to solve problems.  When my mind works, hours go by without an issue, and in the end I have work to show for it.  When it’s idle, however… well you know what happens with “idle hands”.

So for me, happiness is not having my mind thinking I’m human garbage.  I don’t post this to get sympathy, and I apologize if what I’ve written offends anyone.  I know this is supposed to be a fun, casual poll and here I am being Debbie Downer (um… apologies to anyone on here with that name).  But I write this for people who have tried different things to be “happy” but for some reason are never able to achieve it.  You’re not alone.  The quest for happiness can be a tricky journey and it may seem impossible.  Don’t give up.  The most important thing you can do with your life is to keep trying to live it.

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