As someone in a similar position I know exactly of the “diligence” you talk about. Only you know how you think your wife may react to being open and honest with her, and that’s only a decision you can make if you ever want to (and many don’t).
The problem with being in the closet is the secrecy and perhaps, more importantly, the stress of keeping up such secrets and the toil it can take without realising. One way I’ve coped with it is to narrow down the possibilities of discovery as much as possible. So, for example, keeping my feminine collection in just one place where I know where everything is and having strict rules when and where I dress. The advent of computers and smart phones have made this even trickier, as I know (rightly or wrongly – mainly wrongly) some partners who will occasionally pick up their partners phones to see who’s messaged them or what they’ve been looking at. Just going on sites like this and not closing them down properly could have serious consequences.
I know for many the above will sound like a complete chore and remove any sense of fun or point, but as I’ve said before, for a few of us we have to weigh up the pro’s and con’s.