First, I applaud you for working on your relationship and recognizing that your SO has needs, too.
Second, let me tell you something that I heard a while ago that blew my mind with the accuracy of the statement: Men have sex to relax. Women have to be relaxed to have sex.
That being said, many CDs say that dressing relaxes them and helps to relieve the stress of the day. However, as a SO, his dressing does not relax me. Although I am accepting of this part of him, it does nothing for my sex drive. Menopause does affect sex drive, but as Eileen said, “Our needs are more emotional and difficult to identify root causes.” Perhaps you two can have a conversation that revisits boundaries. She may have changed some of her feelings regarding your dressing but thinks it unfair to change the rules that have been established.
I also agree with Betty who said, “I need to feel appreciated and attractive because he is letting me know.” I would add though, don’t say things like, “You look good in that.” Personally, I feel like the focus is more on the clothing when that is said, and I feel like he is going to try it on as soon as I leave for work. Just say, “You ARE beautiful!” You know what I mean? Also, sometimes it feels like his femme self is “the other woman.” When you know he’s buying lingerie for “her” and not you, you don’t feel appreciated. When you’re doing everything you can to make his life easier, and instead of a token of appreciation for you, he buys something silky and sexy for “her”, you don’t feel appreciated – you don’t feel good about yourself.
A woman who doesn’t feel attractive, appreciated, or heard is not relaxed enough to enjoy sex.