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    • #223973

      Hello

      I am a 60 years old new to recurring cross dressing. Similar to many, there was some childhood exploration, almost always solo. When I did try to mix that with other teenage same sex experimentation, in did not meet expectations. Looking back, it was so clear it was more than curiosity. But back in the 60’s, the apparent answer for a young man was to play hockey. Not just play the game but add some explosive pent up repressed aggressiveness. Once I had a steady hetero relationship I quieted down for a while. By the end of the 70’s the same sex interests were still stirring in the hetero life I though I was leading. By the end of the 80’s, with same sex not being so safe and getting into my 30’s, I just tried to forget everything else but the hetero life. By the time I was in my 40’s and never married, began to realize I had issues not just with commitment but with building relationships that went beyond sex. Over the years, I have on many occasions sought out sexual satisfaction from men in various ways I am less than proud of. These were the early days of AOL chat rooms and then Craigslist.

      As 50 rolled around, I found myself dating a woman who was probably as damaged as I was but we could generally be kind to each other and we married and are to this day. Our emotional and physical intimacy is limited.

      About 3 years ago, I started seeing younger trans girls in video chat (and recorded cams) that blew me away. They are incredible. I am a realist, I am over twice their age, but I did find inspiration. Since then, I have lost 50 lbs, still at it, down to less than 21% body fat. All inspired by those girls.  My thanks to them. I was always on the smooth side but now add subtle trimming of body hair trying not to be noticed too much by my wife. Never had facial hair, tattoos or funky piercings. Also, about 3 years ago, stopped cutting my hair. Instead, passing it off as just a 60 years old hippie ponytail. It has been less than 6 months since I bought my first dress and I have been filling in an outfit around it. Online video chat doesn’t do it for me so instead I dress and go out by myself. Falling back to what I knew, it was cruisey spots and adult theaters. Aside from trying to keep my private life private while out in public I am not in the kinds of places where I would like to interact with the kinds of men I would like.  I realize, that just wanting to flirt and tease isn’t what most guys anywhere want, but being a girl isn’t just about letting a guy use you for one time sex. I am hoping just being able to talk some of this through I can work it out for myself.

      I am loving this journey, not sure if there is a destination or not.

    • #224216

      Hi Jim, its a journey, thats what it is! you have to explore, you come across different things, some you take to and some you dont, look at it as a learning curve, experience 🙂 . As to the destination, well thats up to you. Are you happy where your at or do you want to continue to your next possible destination? personally, i dont think there is one as we are all learning all the time! the main thing is that you are happy with yourself, contented, you look forward to the next adventure. Who knows what is round the corner?!! 🙂

      Fiona-Ann xxx

      • #224727

        Thank you. I probably should have written this in the introductions section, oh well, I am practically blond (natural but sun enhanced).

        I may have been ambiguous about my destination comment and as we are all so different with so much in common, It could be thought that the destination was actually a place or a state of my physical self (transitioning). For me, the destination feels like it might be an emotional  place.

        So much to see, realize and understand along the way about myself and those I interact with.

        While in my mind many times over the decade, I did not do much about it. The big steps have been in the last 6 months.

        While inside me I know this is so right for me. I am so irrational in my behaviors vs my fear of being disclosed.

        I do sincerely appreciate the support.

         

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