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    • #58931

      Tomorrow I am finally going to make an appointment to see a transgender psychologist.  I can no longer fight or suppress the other person in my mind screaming to let her out.  Every time I do suppress her, it works for a little while and when she comes back it’s more intense every time.  I can’t take it any,ore. I feel as if I’m tearing myself apart  from the inside out.  I’m on the verge of tears as I’m writing this.  Some kind words and support might do some good right now.  I’m so freaking scared right now I’m trembling. I don’t know what it will be like finally taking the steps to talk to a professional,  but I know I can’t live like this anymore.  I hope this doesnt turn my world and my reality upside down, I’m on a fine line right now.  How has it been for those of you that have finally sought out help?

       

    • #58968

      Dear Gina……….I am beside you in heart and spirit. Go talk with the psychologist girl, you really need to. Remember…..the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. We at CDH are rooting for you in this time of decision making. Do feel free to contact anyone of us for help, support and help.

      May God bless and guide you.

      Lady Veronica

    • #59109
      Johnnie
      Duchess

      Gina I can relate to you. Once you realize that you’re transgender there is no turning back. You cannot put the genie back in the bottle. Why? Because your gender is part of you, it is who you are. For me I realized that I was transgender after my lovely wife passed away. My whole psyche was shattered with grief. I was alone again, just me. After several months I noticed a change in my thinking and feelings, I begin having feminine feelings about myself. I begin to cross dress I never ever cross dressed. Initially it felt erotic and exciting because wearing lingerie and dresses was something new. But as I continue the erotic feelings subsided and begin to feel natural as if I was being myself. My feminine feelings grew stronger and I was feeling this way all the time. I was becoming very confused not understanding what was happening. I thought to myself I’m a man!! I’m not a woman! I will not surrender my man card!! No matter much I tried to reject my feminine feelings the stronger it would get. I obsessed every day. I became scared and depressed The need to be female and look female was overwhelming  I purchased a wig, make up, stockings, heels. I begin dressing up every day. Was I a cross dresser or transgender? My confusion increased. I begin to prefer wearing feminine clothing rather than male. I felt like I was in the wrong body when wore pants and a shirt. I hated men clothes. I felt like I maybe having a mental break down because I was constantly feelings confused who was I ? Is this a spell? Then I went on YouTube and found videos about transgender topics. My question ‘I’m I transgender’ was answered, YES. But still didn’t accept it, I needed facts not feelings. My depression increased I was suffering dysphoria but didn’t realize it. Finally I decided to see a gender therapist. I felt ashamed to express my feminine feelings and that I enjoy dressing up to another person. It was a break through to finally admit and verbalize my feelings. It felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders. It was my first step to be true to myself, accept myself for who I am and to be as one. My transition began.

    • #59146
      Penny
      Lady

      Gina, you will be so glad you made that first step into therapy. Just being able to openly speak about your turmoil with someone outside of your family can be a tremendous relief. It is also a precious thing to have a wife who will support you and wishes you well. Remember that almost everyone here at CDH has been in your place and for many of us are in the same place in their lives as you are now. There is so much support and genuine care here, all you need is to ask.

      Hugs and kisses, and good luck in your journey,

      Penny

    • #59756

      Gina, you are not alone honey.  All I wanted to do yesterday was curl up in a ball, scream, and cry because my dysphoria was so bad.  I am seeing a therapist and it has helped to talk things through with her.  It has helped me accept these feelings that I have repressed all of my life and accept who I am becoming.  I was planning on making a decision about HRT at the end of the year, but not sure that I will wait that long anymore.  See a professional and know that you definitely are not alone!

    • #68603

      Hi Gina!!!

      I’m a latecomer to CDH and a latecomer to the lovely world of feminity.

      I hope all has worked out for you!!!

      Hugs!!!

       

      Karen

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