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  • #423606
    Candace Baci
    Participant
    Registered On: October 19, 2020
    Topics: 43
    Replies: 92
    Has thanked: 327 times
    Been thanked: 712 times

    So about two months ago i told my sister I thought it would be fun to get matching holiday dresses and take some pictures in funny poses that I would give to my wife as a fun Christmas gift. My sister didn’t blink ( I swear she knows I love to dress), so I dressed as Candace and we took some pics at her house.

    For those of you who have read my story I have yet to tell my wife about my dressing yet.

    Christmas morning I  got up the nerve and put them in one of my wife’s gift bags on  top, she noticed them before we got Tom opening gifts when I heard a chuckle. She said what’s this and I told her what we did and she said wow , do you still have the dress? And I said yes and she said nothing,.While she was showering I put on the dress and black stockings and when she came out I said ready to open gifts? She laughed and said sure and by the way the dress looks great. I said thanks and we had a great time opening our gifts . We then spent the next 4 hours watching  Christmas shows together all while inward still dressed. I made it a point of saying I don’t know what all the complaining is about dressing I find it very comfortable and my wife said really don’t you find the pantyhose constricting and I said no not at all and I like how they feel on my legs. She said how is when you have to use the restroom and I said no problem . I also said that the loose feel of a dress was quite comfortable too. She said yes and we watched more to, I even did some Christmas Day food prep in between.

    Eventually but not mad she said maybe you should change now and I said sure but I said you must admit my legs look great and she said they really do look fabulous and I said again that it was very comfortable when that might have spooked her a bit she Chuckled and said ok now you’re scaring me a bit. I said well even if it helps to reduce my stress and she smiled but I knew it was time to change .

    She hadn’t commented about it anymore but things have been great like always but my question to everyone is have a laid enough of a foundation to take it to the next level and open the discussion of my cross dressing and if so how do I start .

    I am thrilled that I got to this part without incident but am terrified about next steps?

     

    Hugs and nervous Kisses

    Candace

Viewing 15 reply threads
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    • #436601
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 600
      Has thanked: 748 times
      Been thanked: 1780 times

      Hi Candace…

      First, well done for the courage to do what you have done!
      Second, ALL the Sisters on here agree… take your time! I have worked out a modus vivante so I can dress en femme and have her complete affirmation. When I do man things I dress in drab including making love. When en femme, I am her best friend and can kiss her and even fondle a breast from time to time… though I am very careful to recognise her reticence about being a lesbian.
      I think most woman may find that the introduction of cross dressing may seem to be a betrayal of the marriage/relationship so in that case an abundance of caution is highly warranted.

      Please go softly xx Polly

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #436447
      Rebecca Lee
      Lady
      Registered On: January 14, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 4
      Has thanked: 5 times
      Been thanked: 27 times

      Hi Candace,

      Your story is very similar to what happened to me, and how I told my wife almost 30 years ago.  In my situation, my wife (fiancé at the time) and her friend thought that it would be fun to have my best (male) friend and I dress up as girls and go out for Halloween.  I, of course, had been crossdressing for years by then, but I had told no-one about it.  Long story short, my wife was really impressed on how convincing I looked as a girl and we had a great time that night.

      A few days later, I gathered the courage to tell her about Rebecca.  In my case, I picked a time when we had plenty of time to talk, she was rested, relaxed and in a good mood.  I made sure to set the correct ambiance.  I prepared, like other have mentioned, a list of answers to all the questions that I thought she may ask.  I *did not* dress up that evening, however, I did have a couple of pictures of myself dressed up, just in case she wanted to see them.

      The conversation went kind of like this.  I told her that I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and in order to achieve that goal, I needed to tell her something that I had not shared with anyone.  I am not a macho man, but patient, caring and sensitive.  Those last qualities are more feminine and my feminine side goes deeper than that.  Then I told her about Rebecca, and how I like to dress in women’s clothes.  How I started when I was a young boy and how I had to keep that secret, even from my parents who suspected something and did not seem to approve.  I did try, several times, to ignore and repress my desires to crossdress, but they always came back.  It was a path in life that I had been walking all alone, and now wanted to invite her to share with me.  It was her choice to do it or not, however, and she had the right to say what she was comfortable with.  That said, Rebecca is an integral part of who I am, and I cannot deny that, and in a way Rebecca makes me the person she fell in love with.  To remove my feminine side would me to change who I am.  I ended by reassuring her that I loved her very much, that I wanted to grow old with her, and that meant sharing with her who I truly am.

      That evening all went pretty good.  She had lots of questions, the toughest one being why I had not told her before.  I wish I could say that it was all smooth sailing from there, but it wasn’t. Remember, this is the beginning of a journey.  Your wife, in a way, is getting to know you all over again.  Over the next few months/years she had many more questions and we’ve had a lot of quality, in-depth talks about it.  We did hit some rough patches, especially when she met someone who was about to become post-op and she was afraid that I would want to do that too.  We are still working on it, but every day it gets a little better.

      My wife and Rebecca sometimes go out together shopping and out to eat.  Many more times I go out by myself.  I do take selfies sometimes and share it with her, especially if I find a particular outfit that I like and want her opinion on it.

      In the end, it was all worth the risk.  I feel that in my marriage we have overcome a tough issue and that has only made my marriage stronger.  Given that we made it through that, I’m sure that we’ll be together til death do us part.

      Good luck, and tell her sooner than later.  Better that she finds out when you tell her, than her finding out any other way (the conversation will be a lot different, and your chance of success will be significantly smaller).

      Rebecca

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #436428
      Hilda Beaumont
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 14, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 192
      Has thanked: 464 times
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      The Talk can be very difficult and the advice to bite the bullet but in slow steps over time is good. My experience was that when I bit the bullet I didn’t take it slowly. The result was that my wife said, “But you’re not you any more and I didn’t sign up for this.” Despite requests for joint counselling and perhaps therapy she was adamant that she didn’t see me as the person she had married and did not under any circumstances want to continue to be married. What was bizarre was that she said that in principle she had no objections to cross dressing but could not tolerate it in my case. So as I said at the beginning – take it slowly. It seems you are off to a good start but I think you must be careful as it could backfire. My best friend who I have known for years and supports my cross dressing said to me “Whilst I’m very okay with you dressing as my friend I’m not sure I’d be so keen if you were my husband”. I do very much hope that it works out well for you and your wife.
      Love and hugs
      HRxx

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    • #436341
      Candace Baci
      Lady
      Registered On: October 19, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 92
      Has thanked: 327 times
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      So girls it’s been about a month since my surprise Christmas Day dress up for my wife . I’m now at a standstill still haven’t had the courage to tell her the full story of me dressing. I fear I missed the opportunity to jump on it shortly after my dress up on Christmas Day. Recently my wife and I were watching television and one of the female news reporters was wearing tights. I asked why women wear tights and she said they are soft comfortable and warmer to wear in cold weather. Of course I knew all that but my thought was the next time we went out I was going to wear tights under my pants and say afterwards why you were right tights do feel nice and keep you warm. My hopes were that would open up the possible conversations. Any thoughts any ideas? My goal for 2021 is to have this conversation and hopefully live a more stress free and comfortable life going forward? I am open to any and all ideas and suggestions, I need courage!!!

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      • #436404
        Bettylou Cox
        Duchess
        Registered On: May 26, 2019
        Topics: 18
        Replies: 1842
        Has thanked: 3410 times
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        Hi Candace,

        It’s nice to hear that things are still going well for you. Now, your wife wasn’t scandalized by the idea, or of seeing you in ladies’ clothes; you know for sure that she is receptive, at least up to a point. It would be safe to mention how good wearing them made you feel, and since this didn’t bother her, would she accept the idea of you doing this more often? This may return the “are you gay? question – and others – so have your answers ready when you do this. If she knows that she can set boundaries, and stay in her comfort zone, the result should be something you can both enjoy. And you have no worries about being outed.
        I know that having The Talk is a scary thing, but the results are well worth the effort.

        Hugs,
        Bettylou

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #436394
        MelanieElizabeth
        Lady
        Registered On: January 9, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 47
        Has thanked: 104 times
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        Hi Candace . I think it depends on what you want. You haven’t pushed it to a place you can’t walk back from. You may have worn that dress with her but she just thinks you were joking around having some fun. She may suspect something further but she hasn’t heard it from you yet. I had to tell my wife because I was in fear of her discovering it on her own and the repercussions to our family. I haven’t presented to her but at least she knows about it somewhat. You know her best if you think she can handle it let her know in the gentlest way. I told her that there was something I was doing that I felt she should know about. I didn’t get into specifics right away but that gave her a minute to digest. Unfortunately it’s not going to be something you can take back. Expect her to ask you lots of questions answer as honestly as possible even the once you don’t know the answers to.  Explain to her that you are still the person she fell in live with. Obviously honesty is the best route to take. If she finds out on her own she will see it as a betrayal and you’ll be in a far worse spot. I feel it’s better to do things on your terms than to be on the defensive.

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    • #427386
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 318
      Has thanked: 1301 times
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      Candace well done you that sounded like great fun, I hope you get many more opportunities to keep the fun going. Your wife is a great girl for allowing your indulgence, and her positive fun attitude.

      Best Wishes to you both.

      Sarah xx

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #425276
      Gloria Renee
      Lady
      Registered On: July 7, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 156
      Has thanked: 2105 times
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      Congratulations, you have gotten further then most of the girls on here.

      My wife knows about me, however she doesn’t want to see me.

      Hopefully one day.

      Gloria

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    • #424955
      Candace Baci
      Lady
      Registered On: October 19, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 92
      Has thanked: 327 times
      Been thanked: 712 times

      Thanks girls for all your insight and help it is so very much appreciated, more than you’ll ever know!!!

      Hugs and Kisses 💋💋💋

      Candace

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #423877
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 1326
      Has thanked: 13232 times
      Been thanked: 4313 times

      Hi Candace Yes the talk just dont force the issue slow as a turtle  little at a time  remember that slow sometimes wins the race ha ha . So girlfriend good luck you have got your foot stuck in the door  and like a few others have said if she dosent know have the talk with sister first and practice on her  and ask her to hold your hand to talk to your wife  so to speak as just being there to support you  ..  Be your self the great husband you are and let her take the lead in this let her ask questions and be truthful and honest with answers..  Again girlfriend we have your back here as any sister would  if you need us we are here  good luck💞💋

      Stephanie

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    • #423853
      Candace Baci
      Lady
      Registered On: October 19, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 92
      Has thanked: 327 times
      Been thanked: 712 times

      First I want to thank everyone for such wonderful suggestions and ask to keep them coming cause I could use the help. I can’t tell you how nervous I was when I did what I did on Christmas Day . I thought I read my wife’s reaction to pic correct and that is why I made the plunge and it went better than anything I could have expected . I am just so incredibly nervous to have the real discussion that I could throw up but with that said I know after Christmas Day I am much closer than I thought I would ever be . Thank you girls for all your support you have no idea how much it has helped me especially easing my wind, you are all the best and I look forward to as many suggestions as possible because my vow to 2021 is the make Candace as visible as possible hopefully with my wife’s blessings.

      Hugs and Kisses 💋💋💋

      Candace

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    • #423748
      PY Marshall
      Duchess
      Registered On: July 21, 2018
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 331
      Has thanked: 1426 times
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      Hi Candace , i think a chat  has to be priority number 1. Many girls here were aware of there femme feelings from an early age ! but mine didn’t become apparent until i was 22. I tried desperately to rid these thoughts but found i was totally consumed ,the time period was only 6 weeks. I confessed to my wife , and 46 years down the line we are still madly in love, If Candace, you are truly like us the feelings will only continue to magnify, unfortunately i unable to give you guidance through the talk. That must come from your HEART. Pyxx.

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    • #423710
      Jin Crocker
      Lady
      Registered On: November 15, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 284
      Has thanked: 26 times
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      Casually start Saturday morning in short shorts and a tank while fixing a nice breakfast.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #423680
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 911
      Has thanked: 2936 times
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      I think, if it was me, I would spruce up the male side, and show her that the man she married is still there in full effect.

      Even if she hasn’t asked for that, I would bet she’d love it – plus the reassurance it would bring would be priceless.

      Love Laura

       

      • #423755
        Regine Rich
        Princess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 21
        Replies: 607
        Has thanked: 6363 times
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        Laura, to have the thoughtful wisdom, you share with us, You must be such a wonderful person, and what, 200 years old? to gather so much? lol.just kidding, your wisdom and thoughtful comments truly do impress.
        Thank you, Regi

        4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #423681
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: November 18, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 431
        Has thanked: 1852 times
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        That never even occurred to me, excellent advice Laura.

    • #423674
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 468
      Has thanked: 7597 times
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      I’ll add this to the great advice you’ve already received;

      Give her a few days to digest before the next move and watch for signals that its the time to talk, giving her a little time will also give her a chance to bring it up herself.
      Perhaps you can bring your sister into it, it may help your wife to have another GG in the room.

      Don’t give her too much to handle when you have the talk, give her everything she needs or asks for, try to listen even though you’ll likely be bursting to tell her all aspects.

      When you’re dressed in front of here, dote on her, lavish her with attention and affection if she’s receptive while dressed, you’re trying to impress on her that life will be better this way.

       

      Good luck Candace.

      I’m going to have to agree with Cindy on this, give her a little time, and audio talk to your sister about if she’d like, or feels it would help to be present for the talk, if she’s known for long. But I wouldn’t wait too long.

      Bridgette vS

    • #423655
      Cindy Lou
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 18, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 431
      Has thanked: 1852 times
      Been thanked: 2000 times

      I’ll add this to the great advice you’ve already received;

      Give her a few days to digest before the next move and watch for signals that its the time to talk, giving her a little time will also give her a chance to bring it up herself.
      Perhaps you can bring your sister into it, it may help your wife to have another GG in the room.

      Don’t give her too much to handle when you have the talk, give her everything she needs or asks for, try to listen even though you’ll likely be bursting to tell her all aspects.

      When you’re dressed in front of here, dote on her, lavish her with attention and affection if she’s receptive while dressed, you’re trying to impress on her that life will be better this way.

       

      Good luck Candace.

    • #423643
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 1842
      Has thanked: 3410 times
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      Regine said it first; it’s time for The Talk. You aren’t gay, you’re not planning surgery, you love her as much as ever, and aren’t going to leave her. BUT you have this “thing” you just have to do. Or words to that effect. And it would be a good idea to let her set some boundaries, so she won’t feel she is being left out of this part of your life. And if she buys in to what you have told her, you’re a very lucky girl.

      Hugs,
      Bettylou

    • #423617
      Regine Rich
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 607
      Has thanked: 6363 times
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      The only way I see, is to bite the bullet, Candace
      You have made the first step, now its time to sit down with her, and tell her exactly how it made you feel, and the joy you got from it. Explain to her that you aren’t gay,(are you?) and that it in no way changes how you feel about her, but that it gave you such feelings, you want to continue to explore? with the way she reacted to this I really think she may just understand?
      As for the past, I’m not qualified to comment on her reaction to that, as I didn’t hide from my wife when I began this, at least not for long.
      Just my opinions, dear, and I would get more of them from the others before you proceed, but it does seem it is time for the real “talk”
      Hugs, and good luck, Regi♥

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