- This topic has 19 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 10 months ago by .
Aloha beautiful ladies, and may I add sisters…? It was suggested that I write an intro. So, sit down and buckle up!
I’m a twenty nine year old happily married CD…,and perhaps a little more… ? And the age? You see, a wise Hawaiian man once told me to start counting backwards at fifty! And honestly when the butterfly briefly flies, she feels and acts as twenty nine, leaving all the aches and worries of the old caterpillar behind.
Currently I’m on Maui vacationing with my beautiful and supportive second wife of twelve years. Between us we have three daughters (two mine), three sons, and eight grandkids that keep us busy, very busy. But we love that!
Like most of you my CD memories start as a young boy. In my case with my older sister dressing me up to the hilt. And while I howled in protest, I loved it! Other than trying on a few of my step-mother’s things a few times as a young teenager, I had zero CD thoughts until age thirty one and into one year of my first marriage. Until then I lived a guy’s life. Dated, work, school, etc. Some would say it was a “real” man’s life: paratrooper, rigger, deep-sea tugboat operators, etc. Upon leaving the Merchant Marine for college I met my wife. Head over heels in love.
Then one day she brought home that damn MAGNETIC dress! She left it laid out on the bed as she went to work while I was home studying. It was irresistible. I can’t explain it, but I found myself suddenly and completely completely lost in this strange feminine power. It was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.
My devout Christianity told me I was bound for Hell if found out. And my security clearance requirements for my civilian naval engineering job told me I’d lose it all if found out. Of course like many here, I also feared I’d lose my wife and marriage if I told her.
So for thirty years I lived in a closet of fear, with no one know about Jules (although she hadn’t evolved as Jules till years later). All that stress took years from my life. While my butterfly flew briefly at times, it was also surrounded with fear. And of course I purged and purged, while at the same time praying to God to “cure me”.
Things changed dramatically when my wife hooked up with her old high school boy friend (yes, you can’t make that shit up). I went through a devastating divorce that almost killed me. But I came out the other side much stronger.
After that I slid towards spiritually, joined Match, and met my current wife. Again, I tried to ignore my female self. And again, that was futile. I was still in the closet and the butterfly could only briefly flutter. As we march towards marriage I became more stressed, as I didn’t want to continue living the lie any longer. A month before our wedding I told her. After many tears and hugs we got through it. I shared My Husband Betty book with her. When she asked, “Why?” I replied by asking, “Why do you breath?” She understood and became Jules biggest supporter.
Now all the adult kids know and have met Jules, as well as some select “evolved” friends, and most neighbors.
I’m dressed at least once a week, and every blue moon when my wife travels I’ve stayed dressed for a few days. Once I had five continuous Jules days. It is always heavenly!
When dressed I like to walk on the beach and through the parks, shop (mostly at thrift stores), movies, and an occasional dinner with my wife and friends. Of course Seattle has some wonderful drag shows we’ve attended as well.
But mostly I love to prance around the condo trying out different makeup techniques and outfits. And what girl doesn’t like a good photo shoot, right?
Jules is now all about “being”, being her authentic self. Sometimes I’ll just sit in the sun and brush my hair for hours. My male self on the other hand is always about “doing”, sailing, flying, building, etc, etc. – all so draining. Where as being, gives me energy and happiness.
So who really is Jules, you may wonder? After years of reflection, reading, meditation, counseling, and work with a Shaman I’ve come to believe that Jules is – sit down now – the essence, spirit, or soul of my vanished twin sister (goggle vanishing twins). The spirits of my female and male selves are mostly separate, sharing this same male body, over lapping slightly like a Venn diagram. We love and protect each other as only twins can, and often even debate each other.
Like with most of life’s issues, I believe the spiritual is part of the answer to why we CD. All the science, studies, and opinions aside, I believe the answers lie within our hearts.
Anyway, dear sisters, think I’m crazy or not, that is my life and my truth.
Love and hugs to you all,
Total of 25 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.