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  • #561739
    Julie (Jules) Anderson
    Participant
    Registered On: February 9, 2021
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 134
    Has thanked: 210 times
    Been thanked: 630 times

    IMG_4838

    Aloha beautiful ladies, and may I add sisters…? It was suggested that I write an intro. So, sit down and buckle up!

    I’m a twenty nine year old happily married CD…,and perhaps a little more… ? And the age? You see, a wise Hawaiian man once told me to start counting backwards at fifty! And honestly when the butterfly briefly flies, she feels and acts as twenty nine, leaving all the aches and worries of the old caterpillar behind.

    Currently I’m on Maui vacationing with my beautiful and supportive second wife of twelve years. Between us we have three daughters (two mine), three sons, and eight grandkids that keep us busy, very busy. But we love that!

    Like most of you my CD memories start as a young boy. In my case with my older sister dressing me up to the hilt. And while I howled in protest, I loved it! Other than trying on a few of my step-mother’s things a few times as a young teenager, I had zero CD thoughts until age thirty one and into one year of my first marriage. Until then I lived a guy’s life. Dated, work, school, etc. Some would say it was a “real” man’s life: paratrooper, rigger, deep-sea tugboat operators, etc. Upon leaving the Merchant Marine for college I met my wife. Head over heels in love.

    Then one day she brought home that damn MAGNETIC dress! She left it laid out on the bed as she went to work while I was home studying. It was irresistible. I can’t explain it, but I found myself suddenly and completely completely lost in this strange feminine power. It was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.

    My devout Christianity told me I was bound for Hell if found out. And my security clearance requirements for my civilian naval engineering job told me I’d lose it all if found out. Of course like many here, I also feared I’d lose my wife and marriage if I told her.

    So for thirty years I lived in a closet of fear, with no one know about Jules (although she hadn’t evolved as Jules till years later). All that stress took years from my life. While my butterfly flew briefly at times, it was also surrounded with fear. And of course I purged and purged, while at the same time praying to God to “cure me”.

    Things changed dramatically when my wife hooked up with her old high school boy friend (yes, you can’t make that shit up). I went through a devastating divorce that almost killed me. But I came out the other side much stronger.

    After that I slid towards spiritually, joined Match, and met my current wife. Again, I tried to ignore my female self. And again, that was futile. I was still in the closet and the butterfly could only  briefly flutter. As we march towards marriage I became more stressed, as I didn’t want to continue living the lie any longer. A month before our wedding I told her. After many tears and hugs we got through it. I shared My Husband Betty book with her. When she asked, “Why?” I replied by asking, “Why do you breath?” She understood and became Jules biggest supporter.

    Now all the adult kids know and have met Jules, as well as some select “evolved” friends, and most neighbors.

    I’m dressed at least once a week, and every blue moon when my wife travels I’ve stayed dressed for a few days. Once I had five continuous Jules days. It is always heavenly!

    When dressed I like to walk on the beach and through the parks, shop (mostly at thrift stores), movies, and an occasional dinner with my wife and friends. Of course Seattle has some wonderful drag shows we’ve attended as well.

    But mostly I love to prance around the condo trying out different makeup techniques and outfits. And what girl doesn’t  like a good photo shoot, right?

    Jules is now all about “being”, being her authentic self. Sometimes I’ll just sit in the sun and brush my hair for hours. My male self on the other hand is always about “doing”, sailing, flying, building, etc, etc. – all so draining. Where as being, gives me energy and happiness.

    So who really is Jules, you may wonder? After years of reflection, reading, meditation, counseling, and work with a Shaman I’ve come to believe that Jules is – sit down now – the essence, spirit, or soul of my vanished twin sister (goggle vanishing twins). The spirits of my female and male selves are mostly separate, sharing this same male body, over lapping slightly like a Venn diagram. We love and protect each other as only twins can, and often even debate each other.

    Like with most of life’s issues, I believe the spiritual is part of the answer to why we CD. All the science, studies, and opinions aside, I believe the answers lie within our hearts.

    Anyway, dear sisters, think I’m crazy or not, that is my life and my truth.

    Love and hugs to you all,

    Jules💖🌈👩

     

     

     

     

Viewing 14 reply threads
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    • #585413
      Michelle Newman
      Lady
      Registered On: June 22, 2017
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 3157
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 2431 times

      Welcome Julie!

    • #562185
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1168
      Has thanked: 4389 times
      Been thanked: 5216 times

      This was like a short story, confused beginning, tears in the  middle, and a happy ending. Welcome to the site…

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #562165
      Terri Anne
      Ambassador
      Registered On: February 7, 2018
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 1287
      Has thanked: 1907 times
      Been thanked: 2788 times

      Hi Julie,

      Welcome to our amazing site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.

      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.

      Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrossDresser Heaven.

      At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages.  You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.

      Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.

      Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat, Groups, etc.

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/membership-account/membership-levels/

      Regards,

      Terri Anne, Ambassador

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #562018
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 6383
      Has thanked: 12878 times
      Been thanked: 13272 times

      Julie beautiful intro I enjoyed reading it. Happy to welcome you and being excited about this you have certainly started this journey right.   From someone just starting to the well experience everyone here enjoys the support and acceptance that is truly unique. Be free to express yourself with many like yourself and with no judgements. Love to chat and share stories and make new friendships.  So get comfortable and enjoy being part of a special place that really cares about everyone that passes through our doors. Very nice meeting you.

       

      Stephanie 🌹

       

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561979
      Charlene Victoria
      Lady
      Registered On: November 29, 2016
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 236
      Has thanked: 1484 times
      Been thanked: 1411 times

      Hi Julie. Welcome to our amazing soroity; CDH. No hazing here; just helpful supportive girls.  Some are shy, while others are very outgoing, comfortable, and accomplished in their own femininity.

      I have been aware of my own feminine essence since I was 5, over 60 years. Only recently coming to understand that my whole self includes my femme self and now I am happy being trans.

      I have taken a peek at your pics. You look so very happy and comfortable being Jules.  I trust amongst us you will find all the support you need to be fulfilled in your feminine expression. I know this has been my reality.

      Hugs,

      Charlene

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561919
      Julie (Jules) Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 9, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 134
      Has thanked: 210 times
      Been thanked: 630 times

      I’m not sure hope to individually thank all you ladies for thanking me for my intro, so I’ll do a group thanks!!!
      Hugs,
      Jules
      🥰🌈👩

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561914
      Julie (Jules) Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 9, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 134
      Has thanked: 210 times
      Been thanked: 630 times

      Thanks, Beth!
      Hugs,

      Jules

      🥰🌈👩

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561889
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 3943
      Has thanked: 56385 times
      Been thanked: 13974 times

      Hi Julie nice to meet you and i see you have been here for a while so happy that you found us girls here  and joined us  on our journey as well as yours .. You know how everything around here goes including being a sister and family member hugs girlfriend and hope you are enjoying yourself..

      Stephanie Bass

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561864
      Kimberly Ann Victoria
      Lady
      Registered On: September 6, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 234
      Has thanked: 859 times
      Been thanked: 874 times

      Hi Jules

      I just wanted you to know that the same thing happened to me, After 24 years of marriage and raising a Son together she hooked up with a man she met in the Army reserves 25 years previous. It devastated me. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone if you ever want to PM me feel free.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #583512
        Julie (Jules) Anderson
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 9, 2021
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 134
        Has thanked: 210 times
        Been thanked: 630 times

        Gosh, Kimberly, seems I just read this. Sorry for my delayed reply. So sorry THAT happened to you as well…
        Hugs
        Jules

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #561861
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 915
      Has thanked: 3061 times
      Been thanked: 3007 times

      Welcome, Jules.  Sounds like you’re grabbing life by the horns.  Nice to meet you.

      Much love,

      Raquel

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561795
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 95
      Replies: 5414
      Has thanked: 7477 times
      Been thanked: 13959 times

      Hi Julie,

      Welcome to CDH.

      Alice

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561770
      Liara Wolfe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 1607
      Has thanked: 3155 times
      Been thanked: 5436 times

      Welcome to CDH Jules.

      Hugs, Liara

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561751
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      Hi Jules, sounds like you’re living the life, accepting of yourself and accepted by others. Welcome Katie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #561921
        Julie (Jules) Anderson
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 9, 2021
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 134
        Has thanked: 210 times
        Been thanked: 630 times

        Thank you, Katie!
        I’m certainly trying. The biggest issue is the extremely full life of my male self, my twin brother ❤️, doesn’t leave much time for Jules, even though he and I have agreed that he needs to fight more in carving out time. It’s like “we” are trying to live two lives in one life span. Honestly, although Jules only fantasize about transitioning, Jules feels “she” could spend the rest of this life as a woman. But my twin loves his life too. Hence our dilemma, one I expect many girls here share.

        Hugs to you!

        Jules

        🥰🌈👩

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #561747
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 115
      Has thanked: 133 times
      Been thanked: 536 times

      Beautiful story! I would not doubt its truth. Discovering who we really are is half the fun in life. And as we do so, we always learn more about ourselves. I don’t think we can live long enough to approach the depths of our being, but it is good to realize we are more than we can imagine, and pursue what we can discovering and using our unique gifts.
      I think the Daili Lama had a beautiful quote which I can’t accurately repeat, but it had to do with striving toward being who we want to be, trying to live through difficult times and eventually growing old only to find that we never really lived. George Carlin once said that it is not the moments we breathe that matter, but the moments that take our breath away. I think truths like you are discovering are the essence of living and growing in positive ways. The earlier we start accepting and living our truths, the more meaningful our lives become.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #561920
        Julie (Jules) Anderson
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 9, 2021
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 134
        Has thanked: 210 times
        Been thanked: 630 times

        Ronda, you are wise beyond your years! Thanks for the thoughtful reply, as your validation means much to this young shy little girl named Jules!

        Hugs to you dear,

        Jules

        🥰🌈👩

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #562151
          Rhonda Lee
          Baroness - Annual
          Registered On: September 29, 2021
          Topics: 2
          Replies: 115
          Has thanked: 133 times
          Been thanked: 536 times

          Thanks, but it is you who is the wiser one. I lived as I was told to live until, at age 60, my wife walked out on me without a goodbye. It was only then that my walls crumbled and I realized I believed many things that were not as absolute as I thought. I had to start over… very painful… I nearly took my life before deciding to start from scratch to see why what I had considered essential and meaningful was not what I had thought and whether there were other truths worth knowing. That’s when I discovered my fem side, which I had long dismissed as something that needed to be dismissed. It was an authentic part of my being but I was ashamed of it and tried to bury it. I had to wonder what else I was ashamed of in life and burying… other peoples’ beliefs that differed from what I was taught was the only right way to be and think, for instance. It is hard to give up the “easy life” after 60 years of being a model husband and parent and doing everything I thought was “right”, with everyone believing highly in what they considered a principled man, only to discover that I was dismissing many truths that others had and needed to shatter my self-image in order to start from scratch to decide for myself what was true and what was not. VERY difficult. I often wish I had never known or considered what I have since come to believe true. Ignorance is bliss!

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #561746
      Beth Green
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 590
      Has thanked: 7465 times
      Been thanked: 3210 times

      Welcome to CDH. Thank you so much for telling your story. Many girls here will identify with some part of the story so you are in good company. You will find all the girls here are amazing and supportive so explore the site, join in the conversation and feel at home.

      Beth

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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