- September 29, 2023 at 7:06 am #769364Patti MyselfParticipantRegistered On: September 25, 2023Topics: 5Replies: 68Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 333 times
I’m sure many of us have gone through periods where we thought we could stop, or just needed to rid ourselves of our ‘stash’. And we would purge; get rid of it all only to regret it and start all over again. For me it was a vicious cycle over and over again. But 11 years ago I finally found a cure. Well not really a cure for purges but discovering that I no longer needed a secret ‘stash’. I married someone who knows all about me and accepts it, is my size and has tons of trendy clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. So now we have a ‘joint stash’. :)
So have you found a cure? Is it possible to cure?
Total of 22 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- September 30, 2023 at 8:44 pm #769650Natalie DaneDuchessRegistered On: May 8, 2022Topics: 10Replies: 319Has thanked: 2153 timesBeen thanked: 1426 times
My last purge was 3 years ago. I didn’t have much, so it wasn’t a huge loss but there were some articles I wish I had back.
For me, self acceptance and telling my wife I didn’t want to hide the feminine side of myself anymore was a huge step. I do need to donate a few items which don’t fit properly, or that I’ll never wear, including some drab clothes, but donating feels so much better than throwing away in the dumpster!
- September 30, 2023 at 8:10 pm #769634KoriL SometimesLadyRegistered On: September 30, 2023Topics: 2Replies: 6Has thanked: 22 timesBeen thanked: 53 times
Brand new member and this caught my eye. I’m coming off of a fresh purge as I join the group here. To be honest, I’m not sure purging needs a “cure”. Every spring needs a winter, everything in our lives has it’s cycles. For me, when I purge, I completely lose me drive to dress. The thought of dressing during those down times kind of repels me. As I get away from dressing (in my case a 6 month break), the little details and thoughts give me so much joy. The shopping, sneaking time for playing with makeup, sneaking clothing underneath my daily wear….all of it starts to give me serious thrills again.
I only speak from my perspective. I’m a mid 50s, lifelong closet, non-passable dresser who definitely finds a sexual thrill from dressing. I have no thoughts of transitioning and no real attraction to men. I love emulating women. When I purge, it allows me to hit an internal “reset” button. Don’t know if it is something for everyone but it works for me. Each time leads to a change in clothing style and an improvement in my overall dressing and play.
- October 1, 2023 at 8:29 am #769726Patti MyselfLadyRegistered On: September 25, 2023Topics: 5Replies: 68Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 333 times
Really great reply and that could be additional details about myself and the need for purging but always going back. The eroticism plays a big part for many of us, I’m sure. While I know many crossdressers don’t get off on it, and my hat’s off to them, it has always been a big part of it for me. THX so much! :)
1 user thanked author for this post.
- September 30, 2023 at 9:27 am #769541Kim DahlenbergenLadyRegistered On: November 18, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 499Has thanked: 603 timesBeen thanked: 1979 times
I purged some seven years ago in a misguided effort to placate my wife. We ended up divorced anyway. It was a stupid and expensive mistake. Since then, if I go through one of those episodes of self doubt, I just pack things away in storage until the mood passes. It seldom takes 24 hours before I am unpacking again :)
- September 30, 2023 at 9:35 am #769545LadyRegistered On: September 25, 2023Topics: 5Replies: 68Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 333 times
- September 30, 2023 at 9:39 am #769547Kim DahlenbergenLadyRegistered On: November 18, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 499Has thanked: 603 timesBeen thanked: 1979 times
Thank you, Patti. It was a hard time, but I am ok with it now. I am able to live almost full-time as a woman. Its kinda harsh of me to say this, but today, if I had to choose between getting back together with my ex, versus living as a woman, I would choose the latter.
- September 30, 2023 at 8:19 am #769533Rachael WanttobeLadyRegistered On: July 21, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 127Has thanked: 588 timesBeen thanked: 431 times
I have gone through a number of purges and my wife would never accept my inner girl, so I am a bit jealous of you girls with understanding partners. That said a number of you girls have mentioned being ok with yourself as the trigger to end purging. And I feel like I’m finally there! There will be no more purging!! Just careful acquisitions of new things and very careful use!
- September 30, 2023 at 8:13 am #769530BeckaLadyRegistered On: January 7, 2017Topics: 120Replies: 1316Has thanked: 921 timesBeen thanked: 3945 times
This is my opinion only. The cure for purging does not come from finding a partner or anyone else, that is accepting. It’s great to have that if you do, and would certainly helps.
The “cure” for me came when I finally accepted myself, and no longer felt the intense guilt after having done something so dreadfully wrong and inappropriate.
I realized I was cheating myself, not accepting that dressing made me feel so good, and that there is in fact nothing wrong with it at all.
When this happened I no longer felt the urge to purge. It went away, and the more I accepted myself the more I did, those feelings of guilt were driven further away.
To be completely honest however, it is somewhat like any addiction. Every now and again that guilt tries to creep back in, and I have to tell myself what I am doing is not wrong. Other people / society may not accept it, but it is their problem to deal with their own feelings. Not mine to take on and make them feel better by conforming to their norms!
Love and hugs,
- September 30, 2023 at 7:06 am #769523StephaniewyLadyRegistered On: September 24, 2021Topics: 27Replies: 342Has thanked: 2303 timesBeen thanked: 2022 times
- September 30, 2023 at 7:10 am #769524
- September 30, 2023 at 4:36 am #769492Tricia DreamLadyRegistered On: July 7, 2023Topics: 1Replies: 42Has thanked: 113 timesBeen thanked: 181 times
It’s not really a cure, but I just expect to go back to dressing at some point. I just went about a month or so with no underdressing. A couple of times I thought about doing something with all my things(nothing permanent, just boxing up) instead, I left everything alone thinking I would go back since like most of us here it is our true self, completes us, makes us happy or whatever our reason. And I did
- September 30, 2023 at 6:13 am #769509
- September 30, 2023 at 3:32 am #769487Cerys BurtonLadyRegistered On: February 2, 2021Topics: 104Replies: 375Has thanked: 267 timesBeen thanked: 3064 times
The answer is, buy so much stuff that purging would take days, and a van.
I have a mountain of clothes. I’m regularly taking large bags full to charity shops.This is stuff I won’t wear, or is the wrong size…. The trouble is, I keep buying more and more and more. My wife encourages me. We’ll be in a shop and I cant decide which iten to buy. She’ll tell me to buy both. I’ll be in a shop with her with no intention to buy anything, and she picks out items saying “this is your style, you should buy it”
So that’s the answer…. Buy so much that you couldn’t purge even if you wanted to :-)
- September 29, 2023 at 11:16 pm #769475J JLadyRegistered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 13Replies: 1110Has thanked: 1 timeBeen thanked: 4698 times
Yes, the “cure” os to accept yourself.
Once I dinally decided that I just enjoy dressing en femme any thoughts of purging or guilt vanished. It is much easier with an axcepting SO as mine has always been, but it was my own self doubts that caused the stress theat leads to purging.
These days, not only is the stress gone, buy the sense of well being I feel when dressing adds to a positive mental state.
- September 29, 2023 at 7:28 pm #769462Emily AltManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 125Replies: 1787Has thanked: 2328 timesBeen thanked: 9466 times
- September 30, 2023 at 6:18 am #769512
- September 29, 2023 at 7:02 pm #769459Alison AndersonDuchessRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 18Replies: 1247Has thanked: 981 timesBeen thanked: 5271 times
- October 1, 2023 at 6:23 am #769704
- September 29, 2023 at 11:09 am #769409Peggy Sue WilliamsDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: June 26, 2019Topics: 27Replies: 557Has thanked: 2133 timesBeen thanked: 2924 times
The undeniable truth is that purging does not cure crossdressing, so why would one want to search for a cure to purging? Moreover, carrying it further, crossdressing itself does not require any type of “cure,” since it is a perfectly normal healthy condition.
I am in my 70s. I started crossdressing around age four or five and was happy for many years. For some reason, in later years, I did two or three purges, probably because of worry over security clearances and/or guilt. However, I -always- returned to crossdressing.
A shame that I did my purges while on active U.S. military service, because the DOD (Department of Defense) now has an official crossdressing policy.
- September 29, 2023 at 9:37 am #769403LadyRegistered On: September 25, 2023Topics: 5Replies: 68Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 333 times
A few times my purges led me to donate some of my things to local thrift shops, at least what was fit to be donated. Interesting that at one of those times, a few days later I went back and retrieved some of what was still there. haha Ahhh, the rollercoaster life of a crossdresser. :)
- September 29, 2023 at 8:09 am #769389Lauren RussellLadyRegistered On: July 27, 2023Topics: 4Replies: 310Has thanked: 966 timesBeen thanked: 1178 times
- September 29, 2023 at 7:46 am #769379Sable AllisonLadyRegistered On: January 31, 2020Topics: 5Replies: 29Has thanked: 104 timesBeen thanked: 151 times
I underwent a few purges and always ended up regretting it and rebuilding my stash. It’s better to work towards accepting myself than suppressing something I obviously enjoy. However, I don’t really want to be 100% out at this point and the fear of being outed was usually what drove me to purge. I have come out to a handful of female friends who have been supportive but not necessarily too involved. My dressing remains a very private thing.
Because of that my femme attire, breast forms, heels, wigs, etc is kept very safely tucked away and is not accessed as much as I would like. But I will never throw it away. It is much more healthy to integrate it into my life than to pretend I don’t love it.
But I do have a long way to go.
Anyone who is thinking of getting rid of their crossdressing stuff should consider just putting it away for awhile. Throw the guilt and shame in the garbage instead
- September 30, 2023 at 6:20 am #769513
- September 29, 2023 at 7:22 am #769374HarrietteLadyRegistered On: April 22, 2023Topics: 16Replies: 982Has thanked: 3517 timesBeen thanked: 2410 times
The “cure” for purging is deciding never to purge again.
Unless told at gunpoint by an SO that you must purge “or else”, then all that you should need to do is box things up and put things in storage, if you feel the need to hibernate.
Can it be more complicated than that? Maybe.
- October 1, 2023 at 11:47 am #769760Emily AltManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 125Replies: 1787Has thanked: 2328 timesBeen thanked: 9466 times
Ultimatums are a big complication that happen way too often. And they’re a red flag that you’re in a toxic relationship. Just saying.
2 users thanked author for this post.
- September 29, 2023 at 7:16 am #769371Samantha RDuchessRegistered On: January 17, 2023Topics: 4Replies: 225Has thanked: 281 timesBeen thanked: 887 times
I decided this year no more purges, this is who I am and Samantha is here to stay, My SO was not understanding and we have split up.
- September 30, 2023 at 3:51 am #769489Chrissie SmithBaronessRegistered On: March 13, 2023Topics: 22Replies: 207Has thanked: 615 timesBeen thanked: 869 times
The eternal conundrum Samantha. So sorry to hear your SO was not supportive. I would never reveal my girly side to my SO so Chrissie has to stay hidden away almost permanently. Which of us is better off? I can’t answer that question.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
- October 1, 2023 at 12:01 pm #769764Managing AmbassadorRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 125Replies: 1787Has thanked: 2328 timesBeen thanked: 9466 times
Being trapped just plain sucks.
A wise trans girl once told me “you can choose to live authentically and be happy, or you can choose to live someone else’s version of your life and be miserable”.
That pretty much summed it up for me. I paid a steep price for my freedom. I cry often for what I lost. And I wouldn’t change a thing. My life has never been better.
- September 30, 2023 at 6:23 am #769514LadyRegistered On: September 25, 2023Topics: 5Replies: 68Has thanked: 166 timesBeen thanked: 333 times
That is a tough question. In a relationship where you feel it not appropriate to tell makes it difficult but you still need to cope with your girly feelings. No easy answer. I’m just so thankful I found mine. Better late than never. THX. :)
- September 29, 2023 at 7:24 am #769375
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