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Hi Ladies.
So this day has been a very long time in coming and well over due. I introduced the world to Christy today and no one noticed! YEAH!!! Isn’t that what we are looking for? I am on such a high right now I can hardly type fast enough.
So a quick run down of the day. Got up and spent the time to prepare myself. I had tried out my routine last night and it came together really easily for me this morning. At this point I want to say that Eyeliner is the devil in disguise! I also had a fight with my wig but managed to tame that and actually ended up with a loose-ish pony tail which I really liked. So, happy with myself and only one cup of coffee (didn’t want to deal with bathrooms on my first em femme) I hopped in my car and drove to the stores. It is true what you ladies keep telling us, as you get ready you are so hyper critical of every little detail. I am glad I was because my confidence was really good because of it.
My drive was uneventful. I kept glancing at folk as they sped by and no was staring back or glancing over for the most part. The ones that did we just exchanged smiles! I have to admit the one sensation I felt that I wasn’t expecting is vulnerability. I say this because my safety of the 4 walls was gone. I was in a car but there were windows without curtains. I was finally out in the wild where people could see me! I found that the confidence won over the vulnerability once I realized that even the people that glanced at me just continued what they were doing.
Got to my first store. Sorted out my hair/wig (again!) and my lipgloss in the car. Took a deep breath and walked into the store. I had a list of items I wanted to get so I had a purpose and not just walking (highly recommend that approach because you have focus and don’t look lost). Got to the area for the first item and I am hyper-sensitive of my surroundings. I had passed by a few folk on the way in and no one gave me a second look but as I got to the shelves two store workers are right where I want to be. I almost kept going but they turned around and saw me looking. One of them said, “excuse me ma-am”, very polity and they both moved over and continued working on a different section. I looked for the product and listened to them. They just kept talking work! I added it to my cart (after playing the female role and comparing items) and then moved on. I kept half an eye on them and they never glanced or looked in my direction. Bam, my confidence was built!
To be honest the rest of my shopping trip was almost identical. I didn’t see anyone really look or stare at me. I had quite a few nice smile exchanges and I even went through the employee checkout lines and not the self checkout. That interaction was no different than every other interaction I had over time. I shopped, browsed and spent money! I bought some personal hygiene items, clothes (womens of course) and I tried to shop for shoes but didn’t find a pair I liked. I tried on loads but my favorite shoe store is not located where I went. Sally – I did find a small cute teddy bear wearing a T-Shirt with the word “HUGS” on it. Thought it would be a perfect gift for you!
So ladies. I owe many of you a huge thank you (and hug). I have dreamed of this day for a very long time and often wondered how I could have the confidence to make it happen. YOU, through CDH, have enabled me to embrace myself. When I joined I read stories and comments and thought I could do this. The interactions I have had with many of you have instilled the belief it is possible. Well I can now say I have done it. I am crying as I write this!
Hugs all around!
Christy.
That is such a great story – I’m so happy for you!
It was such a rush and great experience now. Thanks for sharing your experience so other sisters here will take that step as we have
[quote quote=41313]Great story, I’m not there quite yet, but I’m working on it. [/quote]
Same. My biggest mental block that keeps me from doing this, I think, is walking from my house to my car. That effectively “exposes” me to all my neighbors, should they be outside at that moment. And I’m not ready to deal with that just yet…
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