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  • #396855
    Lexie Trask
    Participant
    Registered On: August 9, 2020
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 59
    Has thanked: 74 times
    Been thanked: 300 times

    I came out to my wife several months ago as being a cross dresser. As I expected she didn’t take it very well. Since I have not been able to even wear heels around the house. I do rarely wear heels, only when she is sleeping while I work. I really need to talk to her in depth about my needs.

    due to my wife’s long list of health issues, i am very concerned about talking with her, since stress and arguments only cause her illnesses to get worse.
    I am at a loss as how to get the ball rolling.

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    • #398020
      Patty Phose
      Participant
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
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      It seems like “that talk” often does not go well. There seems to be rare cases where it does. It had to be a very hard thing to do. I met several CD’s who had “the talk” and it led to the end of their marriage. Then I met a few where it added something new and fun into their relationship. But I think that is the rare exception.

      My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She liked patty and they became good friends, often going out as girlfriends. I was a boyfriend and girlfriend. Today, many ears later I’m Patty pretty much everyday. We are still girlfriends. I’m so glad I addressed this early.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397890
      Lexie Trask
      Participant
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 74 times
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      First I am sorry to hear your wife is unwell,and has poor health. Obviously you are concerned about pushing you CD/ing with her further.

      But please bare in mind that cutting out your CD/ing and with the added  pressure of your wife’s declining health  can cause depression to set in affecting your health too. My only suggestion would be stealth dressing, or find a way to dress away from the house. Just the simple act of something feminine worn for a few minutes can be a great relief for a CD, a small change bag thrown into a car, for a drive around, or a quiet spot to wear feminine items. As I said it’s only a suggestion, but never say never just be resourceful.

      Amanda,

      to you and all the other girls here who have extended a friendly hand in support of me, I thank you all💝

      I’ve given this much thought and I try to wear its heels around the house while my wife sleeps. Additionally, when I go on an errand, I will put on my wig and earrings while I am driving.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397875
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 345
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      First I am sorry to hear your wife is unwell,and has poor health. Obviously you are concerned about pushing you CD/ing with her further.

      But please bare in mind that cutting out your CD/ing and with the added  pressure of your wife’s declining health  can cause depression to set in affecting your health too. My only suggestion would be stealth dressing, or find a way to dress away from the house. Just the simple act of something feminine worn for a few minutes can be a great relief for a CD, a small change bag thrown into a car, for a drive around, or a quiet spot to wear feminine items. As I said it’s only a suggestion, but never say never just be resourceful.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397273
      Regine Rich
      Participant
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 182
      Has thanked: 1817 times
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      Hi Lexie

      First, I’m sorry to hear that about your wife.

      I know it can be a tough go and understand that you’re in a rough spot but don’t be to quick on the idea of giving it up entirely either. As you’ve likely heard from others and probably from your own past, suppressing your feelings by trying to put her away can lead to depression and in some cases subconcious resentment towards the one you’re trying to protect in the first place. Dressing is part of you and being able to function under your current situation is hard enough without a release.

      Try to come up with other stratagies to accomodate both your wife, and you. Could you change your schedule to fit in some time? Is there family, friends, or an agency that can stay with her for small periods of time while you stretch your legs?

      Your wellbeing is an important part of being capable of caring for and about her. And yes you might need to at least explain some of this to your wife if in fact you’re going to have someone come in.

      Wishing you the best

       

      This is spot on, Olivia, I have been through the resentment phases many times, and they are hard to deal with personally.
      Lexie, If I can underdress, and maybe an hour or 2 a week when she is napping,That does me for now.
      don’t go away,
      Hugs, Regine

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397074
      Sharon Wiltshire
      Participant
      Registered On: July 27, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 51
      Has thanked: 624 times
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      My wife doesn’t like the idea of heels, just too much for her, so ballet pumps it is, and that seems to work for both of us.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397071
      Lexie Trask
      Participant
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 74 times
      Been thanked: 300 times

      Hi Lexi, Im sorry to hear about your wife’s illness. I’m in a similar situation. My wife knows about some of my dressing (unles I’m missing something, as she’s not said anything), only my panties. Stressing out my wife, is gonna make things worse so I’m gonna wait until we’re both ready for that. Stress is a big trigger for my wife as she already has anxiety issues which in turn exacerbate other problems. It’s not worth it for us at the moment. I had a bit of a panic about it the other week, which in turn lead me here. I’m much calmer about it now and the ladies here are fantastic with advice and have helped immensely. It would be a shame for you to give up your dressing, if you have any time to do it, then why not continue? I don’t have any shoes or make up yet but I’m planning to get some when I can, they can wait. I hope this helps.

      Take care

      Bee

      Thank you for the words of encouragement. Unfortunately, I do not have any time to dress. So, that led me to my decision to abandon my dreams. I will stay here and give my experience and share with others, but alas my dream has died!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397036
      Bee Dee
      Participant
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 45
      Has thanked: 128 times
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      Hi Lexi, Im sorry to hear about your wife’s illness. I’m in a similar situation. My wife knows about some of my dressing (unles I’m missing something, as she’s not said anything), only my panties. Stressing out my wife, is gonna make things worse so I’m gonna wait until we’re both ready for that. Stress is a big trigger for my wife as she already has anxiety issues which in turn exacerbate other problems. It’s not worth it for us at the moment. I had a bit of a panic about it the other week, which in turn lead me here. I’m much calmer about it now and the ladies here are fantastic with advice and have helped immensely. It would be a shame for you to give up your dressing, if you have any time to do it, then why not continue? I don’t have any shoes or make up yet but I’m planning to get some when I can, they can wait. I hope this helps.

      Take care

      Bee

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397006
      Lexie Trask
      Participant
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 74 times
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      Hi Lexie

      Think the girls comments so far are really spot on. When I hear stories like this, and girls asking for advice, I try to put myself in your position…what would I do ??

      Ok, I’m not married, but I have loved..!!!!. if you love your wife and she is so poorly, there are no options but to put Lexie on hold, at least until your wife is in better health. You will surely feel so bad if Lexie just adds to her problems….. better times ahead, that will be the time to talk Lexie….

      just my thoughts honey, grace xx

      My wife’s health has been diminishing for over 12 years.

      I think what I have to do is give up on my idea of cross dressing entirely.

      Thanks to all of you for giving me very sound advise.

      lexie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #397018
        Olivia Livin
        Participant
        Registered On: October 22, 2018
        Topics: 35
        Replies: 1461
        Has thanked: 6353 times
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        Hi Lexie

        First, I’m sorry to hear that about your wife.

        I know it can be a tough go and understand that you’re in a rough spot but don’t be to quick on the idea of giving it up entirely either. As you’ve likely heard from others and probably from your own past, suppressing your feelings by trying to put her away can lead to depression and in some cases subconcious resentment towards the one you’re trying to protect in the first place. Dressing is part of you and being able to function under your current situation is hard enough without a release.

        Try to come up with other stratagies to accomodate both your wife, and you. Could you change your schedule to fit in some time? Is there family, friends, or an agency that can stay with her for small periods of time while you stretch your legs?

        Your wellbeing is an important part of being capable of caring for and about her. And yes you might need to at least explain some of this to your wife if in fact you’re going to have someone come in.

        Wishing you the best

         

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396969
      stephanie plumb
      Participant
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 96
      Replies: 888
      Has thanked: 1041 times
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      I can’t add much that the other girls haven’t said.

      Have you thought about workarounds?  Coping strategies?  I have found a few that work for me. Not least participating in CDH!  It is a great way to bee in touch with your feminine self and lots of other girls who want to amuse you, share with you, and help if possible.  I find it a huge safety valve.

      So does browsing the clothes on Amazon.

      How about getting up early.  I spend about 30 minutes in bra/forms, a sexy nightie and wig.   If my SO stirs I can quickly cover up with a dressing gown.

      How about going out!  Underdress and take a shoulder bag with wig/shoes etc. Find a country park or similar, find a safe spot and change.  You can easily avoid people (especially in these covid days.)

      I have a “ready to dress” bag on standby – and if I have an opportunity (SO taking a nap? Gone shopping?)  I can dress in seconds (and vice versa).   I have found that as little as 10 minutes dressed is enough to relieve the urge.

      Stephanie P.

       

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396949
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 567
      Has thanked: 3225 times
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      Hi Lexie

      Think the girls comments so far are really spot on. When I hear stories like this, and girls asking for advice, I try to put myself in your position…what would I do ??

      Ok, I’m not married, but I have loved..!!!!. if you love your wife and she is so poorly, there are no options but to put Lexie on hold, at least until your wife is in better health. You will surely feel so bad if Lexie just adds to her problems….. better times ahead, that will be the time to talk Lexie….

      just my thoughts honey, grace xx

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396928
      Lexie Trask
      Participant
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 74 times
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      Lexie

      I’ll be a bit frank.

      Does it need to happen? Many of us believe that what we do should be ok because we aren’t harming anyone in doing so, I am of that group.  I’m also a big pusher of being honest in a relationship, for the betterment of it, but…what is the up side or the need for her to know more now? It sounds like she’s in a delicate medical state so isn’t likely to be involved anyway and you’ve already let us know that any added stress only makes things worse.

      Unless I’m missing something, it would seem that if  you’re currently getting the opportunity to express yourself other than the heels, it would be more respectful of her needs to put the conversation away until the situation changes.

      I only wear heels maybe twice a week.

      I see your point.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396898
      Olivia Livin
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 1461
      Has thanked: 6353 times
      Been thanked: 3432 times

      Lexie

      I’ll be a bit frank.

      Does it need to happen? Many of us believe that what we do should be ok because we aren’t harming anyone in doing so, I am of that group.  I’m also a big pusher of being honest in a relationship, for the betterment of it, but…what is the up side or the need for her to know more now? It sounds like she’s in a delicate medical state so isn’t likely to be involved anyway and you’ve already let us know that any added stress only makes things worse.

      Unless I’m missing something, it would seem that if  you’re currently getting the opportunity to express yourself other than the heels, it would be more respectful of her needs to put the conversation away until the situation changes.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396863
      Lexie Trask
      Participant
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 74 times
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      Lexie,I am in almost the same situation, but I haven’t made the opening gambit yet.
      My wife is also long time, and long term ill, and very fragile emotionally, as well as psyche. I have been trying to think of a way to bring about the conversation as well, but am afraid of the damage it may do to her. My one saving grace is so far i haven’t really hidden anything, as I have just admitted it to myself, and am just starting the journey, but I want to continue.
      I don’t mean to highjack your thread, just let you know you are in no way alone,
      Hugs, Regine.

      Regine, you can’t highjack my thread! We are all family here, so say what’s on your mind!

      and thank you for sharing!!!

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396861
      Regine Rich
      Participant
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 182
      Has thanked: 1817 times
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      Lexie,I am in almost the same situation, but I haven’t made the opening gambit yet.
      My wife is also long time, and long term ill, and very fragile emotionally, as well as psyche. I have been trying to think of a way to bring about the conversation as well, but am afraid of the damage it may do to her. My one saving grace is so far i haven’t really hidden anything, as I have just admitted it to myself, and am just starting the journey, but I want to continue.
      I don’t mean to highjack your thread, just let you know you are in no way alone,
      Hugs, Regine.

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