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So, amongst all the positives, and there are many, to being a member of such a large, friendly community of ladies I have found a small downside that hit me quite hard over the previous weekend and into this week.
I’m largely at home on my own, with an 18yr old grand daughter who is a virtual recluse in her bedroom, appearing for sustenance or to moan the internet went off etc… she has issues that I’m not going into here but she’s happy enough in a stable environment. My SO is currently working 7 days a week, and as she’s self employed and due to the nature of the work she regularly needs to stay with a client 24hrs…. so I have had hours of contemplation.
A part of contemplation involves being in this community and reading such positive and happy stories which, in the main, makes me happy to see other people happy. However right at this moment it puts my own situation to the front of my mind and as I’m in such a closet and can do little to remedy the situation it brought me down a bit.
I am now in a better frame of mind, I found a few things to be getting on with so my brain had a reboot.
Apologies for a negative post but I needed to get things out into the open for my own peace of mind.
The suns shining, my girls (2 labs) are happy outside running around….I have a large strong coffee, so I’m off into the garden to enjoy the end of this beautiful day.
Take care and hugs
Helen
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That’s not a downside of being on CDH, it’s a downside of having an 18 yr old grandaughter recluse in your house….And kudos to your wife for running her own business!!
Rachael, I’m wondering if she’s stuck to us like glue and will never move away/out!!! I asked her once, what would you do if we moved to France or Spain…….come with you, the answer.
The wife is the breadwinner (and workaholic when she enjoys doing things) now if you don’t count getting my pension early that is!
Helen
I want to reply to everyone, but it would just be a repeat of the same message to you all.
Thank you for your responses, they helped….a lot. Just like my 2 girls do, I melt when I see them, they are just so gorgeous with not a care in the world!
I absolutely understand the “faux” projections that can be made, and of course you’re right, people don’t dwell on what went wrong usually but just what went right. I can empathise Ellie with the snoozing people, I’ve done this many a time with…oooh look at me and my wonderful life brigade out there, so false!
Janet I’ve projected positivity my whole life, in my day to day life (before retirement, I was the go to, to sort peoples problems whether work or otherwise….and yes I was the one that never asked once for help, no I lie, I did once, after the trauma of a dying child in a fire (not mine). Never came though.
I could never be that brave to venture into the outside world, pure fear, fear of ridicule, pointy fingers, even if it were never to happen the fear is the biggest driver. So as Melodee puts, the barriers are real but are they as bad as we think they are? In my case a big yes, the barrier is so vast it could never be broken down. However I have my own little world, and that I am reconciled will have to suffice for me.
So I apologise once again, and thank everyone for taking the time and trouble to reply, I really do appreciate you all, wish I could hug you all.
So as Ellie so prosaically put…chin tilted skywards, boobs out ( not literally) and the dogs are looking at me now so it must be walkies time!!
BIG hugs to you all.
Helen
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Helen,
Thanks for voicing your thoughts on this topic. As others have mentioned the confines of this site are a safe place for us to celebrate our wins and find comfort after our losses. Although recently there have been a lot of success stories shared, I guarantee for every positive story shared there are many MANY more which are less than positive.
I can appreciate that not everyone has the ability to embrace their femininity as frequently as they like. Which, in turn, may lead to mental health concerns (diagnosed or not).
While I wouldn’t advise raising a poll on the topic, I think you would be surprised by how many people on this site suffer from mental health issues (depression, anger, are working to overcome grief, etc) and are seeking assistance in overcoming these issues with help of a therapist. I would fall into the category of girls who are currently in therapy. I’ll candidly cite that my desire to speak with a therapist is related to seasonal depression, anger, reconciliation of childhood trauma, and of course exploring my gender identity.
Personally, I wish I had the courage to embrace Natalie more often, but I don’t. Sometimes not being able to present feminine makes my skin itchy. *Oh, and the current body-wide outbreak of poison oak rashes also makes me itch (and does not make me much feel like dressing)*.
We are all here to be part of a community for support. My desire to communicate with others on this forum is to find inspiration from the success stories, strive to inspire when sharing my own experiences, and lift up the spirits of those who are going through rough patches in their journeys.
Hugs and care,
-Natalie
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Registered On: November 23, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 783Has thanked: 644 timesBeen thanked: 3440 timesSome people may look at my story – dressing fully as a woman and going out in public for the first time in May 2022 and then deciding to live full time as a woman six months later in the fall while living alone – and think everything is perfect. But it comes at a cost namely the passing of my lovely wife of 42 years in 2021.
Very few people lead picture perfect lives.
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- Registered On: March 13, 2023Topics: 21Replies: 172Has thanked: 512 timesBeen thanked: 744 times
Oh Helen I feel for you! Whilst it’s wonderful to be part of such a supportive and inclusive community, I think we are all aware that there are so many different levels of crossdressing amongst our peers here. Some may live alone and spend the majority of their time dressed as a woman. Others have the support of their SO, which must be just so much fun!
But for those of us in the closet things are a little tougher. Since I repeat myself endlessly you may know that I started crossdressing relatively late, in my early twenties. I only really dabbled a bit for a couple of years. Then I got married, kids etc. and put away my feminine side for 35 years. The urge was always there, but faded somewhat over the years. Then in June my wife and lovely daughters went abroad for 10 days and I thought I’m not getting any younger and I deserve a bit of pampering so I acquired a couple of outfits, heels, wig, makeup, jewellery, the works, and had such a wonderful time pretty much full on as a woman. I also had an amazing 5 hour professional makeover.
Now my wife is back, all signs of my feminine experience have been purged and I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to dress again. But the urge has been hugely reawakened. What am I to do? Well in my case I just have have to completely separate my CD life from real life, so that I can function effectively day to day. I will continue to day dream, create online shopping wish lists (I have such fun descending into the pink fog when I do this!) and consider whether there will ever be another opportunity. If not then that will leave mental scars but I can deal with it. The rest of my life is reasonably privileged and I consider myself one of the lucky ones.
I do hope you can work things out and reach a position of peace and balance in your life.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
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- Registered On: October 11, 2022Topics: 3Replies: 95Has thanked: 290 timesBeen thanked: 406 times
Hi Helen,
There’s really no need to apologise at all.
It does sound a challenging situation you’re in at the moment.You’re quite right that there are so many positives with being on this site.
As Ellie rightly says though, there is sometimes the social media effect in play.Away from here I’m a very out of condition triathlete, caused by a loss of motivation last year which carried on far longer than I thought it would.
A lot of my Facebook friends are triathletes, and while it’s great reading about the epic events they’ve been doing all across Europe during the summer, and pictures of them on various podiums having come top or nearly top in their age group, it can also be quite disheartening.I’m not jealous of them, far from it. It’s just that sometimes I read the posts and realise how far I’ve come away from that life and how hard it would be to get back to where I’d like to be.
But, it’s the situation I find myself in.
Ironically as we reach the end of summer, my mojo for all that has returned. I just need to find a way to keep it until next year now!Having the 2 girls must be a joy though.
We’ve just got one mad hound, and she brings sunshine to every day regardless of the weatherBig hugs
Lucy7 users thanked author for this post.
I have much more freedom to be feminine than you do, but I still have far less than I wish I had.
I had a series of major crises that started in 2020 with the pandemic (I’m a germaphobe) and the death of my mother (the specifics of which were horrifying), and it culminated in late 2021 with my wife kicking me out of the house and refusing to let me see my son without a court order (which took five months). I fell apart completely, and have been struggling to put the pieces back together.
I currently live in a sort of assisted living facility for people with mental health diagnoses. I share a two bedroom apartment with three other guys, and I share a bedroom with one of them. I don’t know any of them all that well, but I’m not getting the impression that any of them would be comfortable if they saw me in a skirt. Also, the staff occasionally has to check the apartments to make sure we aren’t wallowing in our own filth, and most of them aren’t big on knocking. I have a duffle bag of women’s clothing stashed in the closet, but it’s mostly bodysuits and panties, things I can wear discreetly under my male clothing. I have to keep the vast majority of my wardrobe in a storage locker.
So, like you, my circumstances don’t allow me the freedom to wear the clothing I’d prefer when I’m at home. I’ve struggled with that. But I’ve learned that there are ways I can still feel at least a little feminine. It’s like only getting the crust of a pizza, but I have to accept that I can’t have the whole thing.
First off, as I alluded to earlier, I “underdress”. There’s always a layer of smooth, silky or lacy fabric against my skin. I’ve also been using my idle time to watch YouTube content from fashion influencers. I’ve found several that manage to draw me into their world. I particularly recommend Maddie White, Mia Maples and The DIY Designer. I also do a lot of “online window shopping”. I start with an event or destination (anything from a gala to a day at the county fair), pretend I’m going there and decide what to wear. I’ll find a skirt or a pair of shoes I like, and I’ll open more browser tabs and look for things to go with it, creating a virtual outfit.
It’s obviously not as comforting as doing it for real. But it’s definitely far better than stuffing those thoughts and feelings down in my gut and grinding my teeth. I’ve definitely been a lot less irritable since I started doing it.
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- Registered On: August 26, 2021Topics: 21Replies: 1026Has thanked: 3613 timesBeen thanked: 3568 times
Rachel,
I love the idea of assembling a virtual outfit.
I don’t get to dress much (other than the panties I sneak on nearly every day and have to shed before bedtime), so I may try that out.
As a matter of fact, I’ll pretend I’m preparing for a Mardi Gras ball. I go every year, but in a masker’s costume, reflecting the theme of the parade.
I’ll need a formal gown, shoes, jewelry, and a wig. 😃
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You’ll also have to pick the right accessories. You’ll need stockings, earrings, and maybe a necklace and a bracelet or watch. You’ll have to decide what color to do your nails and lips, too. And, depending on the dress, you might need to find a bra and panties that will work under it.
ETA: That’s why I spend so much time watching fashion influencers on YouTube. There are rules to fashion. You don’t always have to follow all of them; that’s how styles evolve. But if I break a rule, I want to do it out of inspiration and rebelliousness rather than ignorance. I still have a lot to learn.
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- Registered On: November 5, 2019Topics: 15Replies: 781Has thanked: 3113 timesBeen thanked: 3847 times
Hi Helen, I’m pretty sure that many (if not most all) here have had days like you’ve mentioned. We question ourselves, our past, our future and wonder sometimes, what’s the point. Like that old song, some days are diamond, some are stone. The first, for me anyway, are too few, the latter, way more than I would like, yet, I try to cherish the good times and push away the not so good ones. Doesn’t always work as I’d like, but I find it better than spending too much time about what’s now in the past.
One of the reasons I do like coming here and sharing is that, yes, lots of girls here are able to move on with their lives doing more and more of what they feel they are, and some share their struggles and maybe that’s not a bad thing, as getting them out, reading about others who have had similar experiences and realizing that we are what we are, not much chance of changing our basic desires, but continuing to strive for that day when we can be that person.
I certainly do feel a little better about my life, having read so many stories of others, and I hope some of what I’ve shared has been helpful, like I would hope these other responses to you are being.
Hugs, ChloëC
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- Registered On: July 1, 2023Topics: 12Replies: 608Has thanked: 1755 timesBeen thanked: 2542 times
Hi my lovely
This is the dreaded social media effect in action. When we present our virtual selves there’s always going to be an element of wanting to show our best sides, project the positives, gain validation from others. I see it with friends on Facebook. I’m constantly thinking, ‘Wow … what an amazing life they have. I wish I had a life like that’.
With some people I get so overwhelmed by what a good time they appear to be CONSTANTLY having that I can’t take it anymore and put them on snooze for 30 days 🙁
But of course people’s lives are very rarely actually LIKE this 24/7.
They’re just omitting all of the other stuff.
We’re less likely to want to tell people when things are going wrong, talk about our off days, or dwell on the times when we felt utterly wretched. And an unintended consequence is that it’s easy to find yourself comparing your own life to other people’s idealised virtual presences. It’s the equivalent of looking at a picture of a stunning model on the cover of a glossy magazine and thinking ‘I wish I looked like that’, without seeing all the airbrushing and skilful use of photoshop that cover up the blemishes and imperfections.
I know that I do this myself. I bounce on here full of sunshine and sparkles and make a concerted effort to be the life and soul. But, bottom line … I AM on my own at the moment, I DO get lonely sometimes, I CAN get overwhelmed. Plus, I’m too fat and I’m awful at make up *author’s note: both of these things are true*.
But it’s not the self-image that I want to convey and so I leave it out 🙂
One of the many things that I really appreciate about CDH is that many girls ARE happy to talk about their bad days, their anxieties and their concerns, and actively look for support and advice. I think it’s very healthy, not just for them but for all of us.
So, Helen. Chin up, tits out. Cuddle those dogs and enjoy that coffee!
Hugs as always
Ellie x
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You’re absolutely right. I think we all need to be ready to remind one another that this isn’t Facebook, and that the difference is critically important. It’s more like a support group. We’ll all get the most out of this community if we share both the ups and the downs.
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Hi Helen,
Certainly you know your own situation best, but I have found that many girls construct barriers in their minds and for long enough that they have every appearance of a real barrier. Maybe spend some of that thinking time re-examining those barriers. The things you think would happen if you made some effort to come out of that closet – would they really? Most of us live in fear and shame of what could happen, and in many instances it’s our fear doing the thinking.
I’m certainly open to a chat if you would like to PM or see me in the Chat Room 🙂
– M
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- Registered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 11Replies: 1765Has thanked: 6148 timesBeen thanked: 8092 times
Circumstances are where the parameters are set for all of us here. It is good to see how there are those that are free to do as they wish but we must never forget that there are those like you. Yes I am one of the lucky ones that do live a free life but that doesn’t come without a cost starting with being very closeted with many years of frustration. My candle was that there was time to dress albeit a rare event, then things moved forward with decisions that led me here today. I do have regrets and moments of thoughts like you but at least you have positivity and who knows where you will be in a few years time.
Thank you for posting this as it makes a salient point for us all to consider.
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- Registered On: December 31, 2022Topics: 3Replies: 217Has thanked: 1431 timesBeen thanked: 901 times
Hi Helen, Everyone has their down days and you are certainly entitled to yours, no need to apologize. I can understand your frustration, some girls here seem to have it all. But I can tell you that in my case, typical of the virtual world I usually only show my best side. I don’t generally show the days I have to be in drab or times I have to do very unladylike jobs. I probably do get more girl time than some but life isn’t always the bowl of cherries that I present.
I hope maybe this helps in some little way and I hope you can find more time for you.hugs
AnnaBeth
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