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  • #409614
    Julie Shaw
    Registered On: September 3, 2015
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 18
    Has thanked: 85 times
    Been thanked: 94 times

    OK – I’m home and safe, so I should relax before writing this.  But I can’t wait.
    I had perhaps the most frightening experience of my cross dressing life tonight on a simple walk around the block.

    I was headed to the corner store for a Pepsi – a safe place, Julie has patronized that business a number of times. I snapped a photo on the way there, and as I walked on I was spoken to by a man passing on his bike. “Nice picture”, he said.  I replied “Thank you” as he passed.  I then heard from behind me “What the f*ck?”  He turned around and started following me.  I by passed the store and tried to make a bee line for home (without breaking into a run).  As I approached the corner (which would put me 1/2 a block from my front door) a car pulls up to the curb right in front of me and a young man steps out.  Then I notice another young man leaning on the car already parked there to my right, and 2 more crossing the street towards us.  Oh, and Mr. Bicycle is still right behind me, muttering things like, “That’s some messed up sh*t, man.”

    I ignored my instinct to cross the street away from the crowd right there, because that would head me AWAY from home, as well as open me up to Mr. Bicycle. So I took the corner in the midst of these youths and kept on walking.  They paid me no mind – even Mr. Bicycle seemed to give up after that. I don’t mind telling you – that was a scary walk around the block.  But it SHOULDN’T be!  And that’s what scares me the most.

    PLEASE — stay SAFE and pretty, Sweeties.

    • This topic was modified 2 months ago by Julie Shaw.
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    • #412172
      Heather Harrison
      Registered On: August 3, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 126
      Has thanked: 767 times
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      I’m so glad you are safe!  Being a retired peace officer I’ve commented on other posts regarding safety. I hate to say it, but there are some very bad people out there. This doesn’t have much to do with what you experienced, but rest areas are another potentially dangerous place to be for women. By the way, I carry at least one knife on me at all times. Another thing to carry is pepper spray, but I can tell you from experience to check the wind direction first. 😀


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    • #412166
      Registered On: August 2, 2017
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 63
      Has thanked: 158 times
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      I am so relieved that you made it home safely! Ugh- I would have panicked and probably fainted. I have taken advantage of being able to hide behind a mask and wear shades or glasses when I go out for public walks dressed, and I frequent a small park about 2 miles from my house. I typically go in the late afternoon on Sundays only when there’s hardly anyone to no one around. I’ve taken risks in what I’m wearing when I walk, which are my denim cuffed high waist shorts and simple blouse or t-shirt. I’ve had some run-ins that have had my heart racing, but it’s usually elderly folks and it some times has been guys out for a run whom I’ve caught leering or doing double takes, but just keep to themselves. Wearing a mask has great advantages, since I’m not recognized but it sure has been scary because all it takes is that one time. My partner sometimes accompanies me, and I feel much safer when he does and I never have to worry. He has cautioned me to step it down a bit, but I live for my walks. It’s the one thing I enjoy now more than ever and look forward to every week.

      I hope what happened doesn’t deter you. Julie deserves being able to walk wherever and whenever she wants. We’re not hurting or threatening anyone, and I just wish people would respect that and mind their own business. I am so glad you made it safely home.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #412147
      Philma Bierstein
      Registered On: May 28, 2020
      Topics: 48
      Replies: 168
      Has thanked: 1517 times
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      I think your reaction was completely justified @juliemshaw.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of people (men AND women, by the way) who would seek to fo us harm.  Going home was smart.

      I’ll post an interesting story in a minute, but I think you were wise and aware to do what you did.

      Remember, if you ever have to defend yourself, go full “guy mode”, but employ the feminine advantage of using your heels as weapons…  you walk like a lady, but fight like Muhammad Ali!!!

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #411973
      Candy Can
      Registered On: October 19, 2018
      Topics: 33
      Replies: 125
      Has thanked: 234 times
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      I know many of you think, or maybe hope, that Julie over-reacted, but sadly, I think there is a good chance she is quite right in her gut feeling of being in an unsafe situation. (As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learnt to trust my gut feelings).

      In most places we live, the law would be on out side, but unhappily, personal experience has shown me that some people, usually ‘jock’ type guys, really have a problem with ‘different’ and any hint of a feminine side coming out.

      If we go out, crowds are safest, and your own home is the safest still.

      As I said in another thread, I really wish CDs had places similar to nature retreats, or even just a club type venue to hang out.

      Sydney has two areas that alternative lifestylers get drawn to – Oxford St – the Gay Mardi Gras venue, and Newtown. However, if that isn’t your neighbourhood, you have to get there first.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #411686
      Melissa Ellison
      Registered On: November 27, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 7
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      Did you know that lots of guys done womens clothes secretly in there own homes, and secretly would love to go out dressed up.  However, due to people they hang around with they cannot dress up for ffear of rejection leads to deep resentment and jealousy/aggression to those who can confidently be seen out in public.  The problem has nothing to do with you. It was tthe cyclist being actually jealous of your confidence.  If you had stayed your ground and remained polite, the general public would have been on your side…and the law would have been too.  The whole situation would have put that cyclist in a bad situation and all would have been stacked against him…i think after he thought about his actions, he probably thought better just to go on his way….twas just as well for him and for you….sorry to learn of this…  don’t let this unfortunate experience get to you….please just remember what i wrote ok


      All the very best



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      • #411908
        Julie Shaw
        Registered On: September 3, 2015
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 18
        Has thanked: 85 times
        Been thanked: 94 times

        Thank you Melissa. Encouraging words are always helpful, as is a different perspective.  Thank you again, Sweetie.


    • #411090
      Registered On:
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 13
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      Glad you’re safe Julie. Hugs!


      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410011
      Rachel Cross
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 192
      Has thanked: 1153 times
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      i had to read this a couple of times. it sounds like mr bike said nice picture to you. then maybe he remembered something or saw something and said what the f*ck and turned around. you might have thought he was saying it to you so you started to run. now it looks like he’s chasing you on the bike. the other guys were probably just friends meeting up. you didn’t say they were trying to stop or corner you. i think you were just thinking of the worst when it probably had nothing to do with you. you should have gone in the store. stores all have cameras. i’m sure it had nothing to do with you. but always head for a crowd and not away from it. i think its always safer in a crowd than alone on a back street if being chased. most people wont watch a guy beat up a girl or someone that looks like a girl. sorry you had a scary time. i hope this doesnt lock you back up in the closet. 99% of the people are nice to you. the only ones you usually have to look out for are when they are drunk. i hope you give it another chance.

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      • #411081
        Julie Shaw
        Registered On: September 3, 2015
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 18
        Has thanked: 85 times
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        Ladies – thank you all for your concern, input and encouragement.  I will address one or two comments here.

        Rachel Cross – I am certain Mr Bike was referring to me in his comments. He was headed in the opposite direction as he passed me, and after my comment he stopped and turned toward me. I did not run, I continued walking at a normal pace – even though I wanted to fly!  He was fairly close behind me most of the rest of the way, including for his follow up comment.

        Looking back, yes it would have been better to go into the store, as I had been in there before and received good response from the owner.  But in the heat of the moment I just wanted to get home.

        And no – this will NOT deter me from going out again.  I had been out many times before, and plan to continue to do so.

        Again, thank you all for your support.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409763
      Celeste Starre
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 728
      Has thanked: 206 times
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      Well that sucks.  I guess things like that are at least one reason I don’t go out in the general public presenting as a woman. The other reason is I don’t want to.  The good news is your name won’t be read at the next Transgender Day of Remembrance.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #409761
      Tabitha Tee
      Registered On: July 30, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 272
      Has thanked: 1209 times
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      I thought about adding my two cents, but no. Glad you’re safe.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409749
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 118
      Replies: 1374
      Has thanked: 2031 times
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      Sounds as if you had a really scary time.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to downplay it.  I wasn’t there so I could be wrong.

      Mr bicycle was one thing. He sounds like a right jerk. But, because you were very scared and panicking a little,  it is possible that the other encounter was just a coincidence, and you understandably assumed the worst. They paid you no mind you said. So they didn’t speak to you or approach you?  There may have been something else going and it was just bad timing that you were passing by at that moment.  It is even possible that bicycle man knew these men and decided not to approach them.  They might have inadvertently stopped him harassing you further.

      Something similar happened to me once. I thought I was being followed by two men and made a bee-line  for safety. All sorts of horrible possibilities flashed through my mind. My heart was beating wildly, I couldn’t catch my breath.  I veered off, and they carried on walking, paying me no attention at all until they reached the car park across the field, and got in their car. It sure did ruin my day though.

      Hopefully these kind of things are extremely rare. So don’t let it put you off.  Whenever I go out into the countryside – where I am probably more vulnerable – I constantly look around me doing risk-assessments.  If I spot anyone I don’t like the look of I  take avoiding action and keep an eye on them to see if they follow.   I have only had this one scare in about 20 years going out en-femme.

      Stay out and stay safe.  Lightning never strikes twice.

      Stephanie P

    • #409736
      Mary Francis
      Registered On: April 29, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 22
      Has thanked: 2 times
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      What that is called is systemic discrimination.  Were are indeed one of the groups that are a target for that oppression along with cis-women and black and brown people.  As white males we are in the habit of walking around, in the dark, with a feeling of invincibility.  When we are dressed as our female selves we must cast away that feeling of invincibility and look at the world as a dangerous and threatening place, just as cis-women do.

      The safest place in this situation would have been to go into the store.

      Stay safe, Mary

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409714
      Dawn Wyvern
      Chat Crew
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 210
      Has thanked: 177 times
      Been thanked: 854 times

      Ladies – I understand the issues on this post and the situations that people can find themselves in – but please refrain from advising on things which may be illegal.


      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409704
      Kelly Terry
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 169
      Has thanked: 157 times
      Been thanked: 669 times

      Good you’re safe and didn’t get scared away.
      As far as I’m  concerned the problem isn’t you or what you wearing, it’s Mr Bicycles (+friends) attitude that is the problem.


      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409702
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 50
      Replies: 1431
      Has thanked: 6674 times
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      It’s really sad you got so stressed going for a walk….you cannot really plan for a scenario like that however careful you are….I so hope this freak incident does not put you off…or even worse, keep you in permanently….because if it does….the bigots win again.

      I post about being out and about a lot and I hope I do not give you girls the wrong impression. It is a wonderful experience 99% of the time, but I am extremely wary and always alert. While I do not condone violence, for unwanted attention that gets too close, a knee to the groin is a great leveller…

      and to be honest, you could be just as likely to face problems in drab from a mugger or a gang….. please do not let the odd setback put you off….

      Stay safe Julie, stay safe everyone!!

      Love, grace xx

    • #409701
      Patty Phose
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1507
      Has thanked: 1100 times
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      Oh yes. There is no doubt that is very scary and one of my biggest fears when going out. I have been pursued a few times too but I manged to get away. It’s very important to know where you are and who is around. I’m glad you were able to get away safely.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409692
      Rachel McFadden
      Registered On: November 13, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 60
      Has thanked: 111 times
      Been thanked: 368 times

      That’s a terrible thing to have happen to you, I’m glad you’re OK.

      Having to deal with a jerk like that (or worse a bunch of jerks like that) is my worst nightmare. And sadly, here in the UK, none of Robyn’s suggestions for ‘levelling the playing field’ are legal. The police here are pretty good but aren’t going to be on the scene fast enough to much more than collect statements.

      Still, I hope this doesn’t deter you from going out and enjoying your life as who you are.

      Rachel xx

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409682
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 726
      Has thanked: 3924 times
      Been thanked: 2259 times

      Yikes! What a scary experience. Glad you are ok, but sad you had to go through that. There are bad people in this world, but fortunately they are in the minority. The good experiences far outweigh the bad. That’s what you should focus on.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409637
      Robyn Devine
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 517
      Has thanked: 1618 times
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      Good to know your safe…aside from being rattled!!  I’m so sorry that happened.  Just remember…you did nothing wrong!!  I say that because people can and have blamed themselves for something like that.

      Its a good example of how someone like any of us needs to be ready for something like that.  Especially being CD, we tend to take chances alone…even though it seems like a harmless walk to the corner store.

      Especially in girl mode where you can be more vulnerable, you need to consider having something to at least level the playing field or give an advantage.  Aside from the obvious, there’s plenty of things out there specifically designed for women.  Small, discreet, fits in your pocket type stuff.

      In this day and age, people are crazy…   Be safe and be prepared.

      xo – Robyn 🤗❤️

      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Dawn Wyvern.
      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Dawn Wyvern. Reason: removal of reference to illegal use of weapons
      7 users thanked author for this post.
      • #409708
        Wendy Me
        Registered On: July 20, 2020
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 44
        Has thanked: 13 times
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        Be care careful of advice given  – You have to know your state laws, .

        The legal term “lethal force” is state by state and I have no idea what it is overseas.


        • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Dawn Wyvern. Reason: removal of reference to illegal use of weapons
        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409634
      Jase Morgan
      Registered On: November 13, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 16
      Has thanked: 63 times
      Been thanked: 112 times

      Omg! I’m so sorry that happened to you! These days we all have to be cautious of our soundings no matter how we are dressed. He was obviously a bully and not secure with himself and thought he could choose someone to harass, unfortunately paths were crossed. Dont let this deter you from going out, keep your head up sister!

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409630
      Alison Anderson
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 358
      Has thanked: 202 times
      Been thanked: 1387 times

      OMG, that is scary.  The only thing I could say is, if you were close to the store (or some other store), dart in and tell the person behind the desk you’re being followed and have them call the police.  The thugs will be less likely to act if there are people around.  Don’t worry about having to interact with the police while dressed, they’re much less likely to give you any trouble than those thugs.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409626
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 791
      Has thanked: 4885 times
      Been thanked: 3194 times

      Julie, that’s terrifying. I’m happy you are safe but I am so sorry this happened.

      Not to make light of your frightening experience, but a number of years ago my wife had almost the same thing happen to her while she was at a nearby park with our 2 young daughters, it makes me furious that some a-holes can’t mind their bleeping business and keep their BS to themselves.

      Again, I’m happy you are okay, but probably rattled.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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