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Well, since the general forum is supposed to be for support, I’m going ahead and asking for some. I’ve had a great time with some things lately, what with a nice cd trip to the beach and all. And I’m sitting, or laying, out on my back deck enjoying some sun now with a nice bikini bottom in cheetah print (no top, thanks) with a ice cold glass of sweet tea.
But I’ve had some significant issues under the surface and I can’t punt to one single thing that is sparking it all. It just seems to be a combination of several things at once all coming together maybe.
I had been trying to grow out my hair to maybe do a pixie cut, but it turned out that that was the point it all started to fall out faster than ever, so now I’m in the cue ball club. I’d rather look like Telly Savalas than have a donut of thin hair. So Bridgette will always wear wigs.
Most of you know that my wife is generally very supportive, but there have been times when I’ve gotten bitten for being “too trans” for her taste at that time, and she didn’t choose to be smoothe, more like a wood rasp. It hurt, and I would have to pull back and do all boy stuff and dress for a couple days.
My work schedule is killer just now, with a rotating shift cycle that goes from days to swings to mid shift with 7 days of each. I used to do that all the time, but haven’t for years now, and I’m 53. It seems to be a lot harder than it used to be. Hourly that doesn’t last a lot longer.
Last night, what with everything coming to a head at once and different work issues going to crap at the same time I almost lost it in the control room at work. I think I was about two minutes from a break down. Thankfully I rallied and kept it in one sock, but it was a close thing.
I’ve got an appointment to talk with my pastor tomorrow evening, and I’m thinking I’m going to come out to him as trans as I know he’ll be cool with that, and I imagine it is at least a part of my stress load. My wife says she’s OK with me telling him, thank goodness.
She doesn’t want me to tell anyone, which is challenging. It’s not like I want to tell lots of folks, but I need to tell some people, and it’s hurtful to think she doesn’t want me to tell anyone because maybe she’s ashamed. I don’t know.
I’m also going to start seeing a counselor, I think, and talk to me gp about some depression issues and massive get some help.
Well there it is, and no funny business.
A sad little Bridgette
Bridgette…my darling..
Gosh, I so WISH I could give you the biggest hugg!!!!!
Tell your pastor….it’s in full confidence and you sound like you SO need to talk….
Shock!!!!! I wear wigs…yes glamour queen grace wears them!!!..and they are fab, please enjoy them….so many different Bridgettes….in one body!!!!
I love you xxxxx
Yeah, I dint so much mind the hair, but that along with everything else… and I had hoped I could just do a short androgynous cut, but that’s OK.
Good news bad news, I did get an appointment with the gp tomorrow, unfortunately it’s in the middle of my sleep time, but I’ll tough it out and go anyways. I think it’s more important to do that than to get the full 8 hours of sleep. Maybe I can leave early from tonight’s shift and get to bed early, who knows? Only 2 more nights of mid shift!
Bridgette
It seems you are really getting stressed out bordering on a breakdown. You have highlighted areas that are leading to the issues you have. Are there others?
I can openly say I had a breakdown, all the signs were there but I didn’t do anything about it. Work was a factor as, like you, I did a strange shift pattern over seven days and the pressure was immense. I had other issues too.
I had counselling and did most of the talking. Have you heard the expression ‘Life is like a treadmill’? Well I came to the conclusion it is a myriad of treadmills. Work. Relationship, family, Financial, personal and so on. Each of these run every day. The gradient may go up on one or two to make things harder but could go down. There is a norm that we can deal with. Imagine one starts to rise and it keeps going. Another rises and so on. You are fighting to keep going and if you do nothing you fall off. Like I did.
You seem to have two treadmills that are getting out of control and could be more that are a bit high. You say you nearly lost it at work. Is there a way that you can talk to them about your stress? You have made the right move to talk to your pastor to deal with your TG issues. Another is your partner and her acceptance is there need for mediation?
The way I dealt with my issues was to take each one of the treadmills and look at ways of reducing the incline. Then look at yourself and realise your limits and expectations.
My doctor led the way and my employers were great too. I managed to reduce the other treadmills and I am on an even keel – without medication and support from friends and family.
I hope you find a solution and know you can message anytime if you want any comfort or advice.
It’s not just you…I think all of us are maxing out on stress! I work 24 on and 48 off but we go all 24 lately and dealing with cv-19 and short staff! I noticed the other day I answered door with just panties and bra on..I had been asleep on couch..it was termite control guy..normally I would cover up!
My wife and I haven’t really took a few days and escape to wherever!
My only advice is to do things you enjoy the best..buy some hot lingerie and get the wife and go to a motel in rural area…leave TV off…talk and have fun!Hi Bridgette,
Hope the meeting with your pastor goes very well. Stress can be a killer so opening up to someone can allow you to let off steam.
With respect to the hair loss when you visit your gp why not ask about the hair loss. He/she might have some suggestions on a course of action to pursue.
As others have said “Hang in There!”
Alice
Hi Bridgette,
I think you have reached that point where Bridgette needs to be out. Maybe this is the feeling your wife has noticed and may have reservations and fear about this she is trying to comes to terms with. Definitely speaking to your doctor is sensible, and I believe both of you to a trained counsellor. Work pressure and need to talk about you dressing are obviously increasing your frustration. You know and sense that cross road, but often it’s frightening and bewildering but not only to you, but your SO as well, the bite back may reflect this.
Good luck lol Amanda xx
That’s always possible… I’m going to tell my pastor that I’m transgender, non binary, and gender fluid tomorrow. I’m on the church’s committee on making the church more welcoming to the LGBTQIA+ community anyways…
Bridgette
Hi Bridgette,
Great that you are on the committee but should a place of worship actually need such a thing, the house of the Lord is a sanctuary where all are equal in the eyes of the Lord.
But reading your replies I think Bridgette needs to emerge from her male chrysalis stage and allow the world to see the beautiful woman Bridgette that’s evolving.
Amanda xx
Bridgette can feel for you about those swing shifts remember having to do those awhile back but then hearing about this job down on the docks of employer had to put into it. So did and made supervisor for it. Hang in there girl. Know all the girls here have your back. thick or thin. May you GP appointment go good as well as your pastor meet.
Hugs
Donna
Hi Bridgette I’m glad in that you feel secure enough with us to share your problems. Just saying it can be a help. This community is fantastic in the way we all support each other. I hope you find the help your reaching out for. I find wearing a bra at work, hidden of course, to be a great help for me. Big hugs Katie
Gosh, so sorry to hear all that, Bridgett.
But seeing a good counselor, hopefully one with experience with CD/trans issues, and talking with your pastor is all good stuff.
Have you ever tried meditation? The Calm app is really good, with lots of great meditations, music, etc. Also look into breathing techniques, as they also do wonders with stress reduction. And of course the more you are accepting of and honoring your authentic self, the more you’ll reduce your stress.
Wishing you the best!
Hugs,
Jules
🥰🌈👩Bridgette, I wish I could offer more than just words. But I hope you can right you ship. It sounds like you DO have a support network you can reach out to and I urge you to do so. And you have done a good thing by asking for help here.
Remember, we tend to think that the lows we have are indescribably low, but we CAN always claw our way out. And we become stronger when we do. I know you can and will.
In times like these, I think of a line from “The Handmaid’s Tale”,
“Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.”
“Don’t let the bastards grind you down.”
Much love,
Raquel
Bridgette – I honestly don’t know what I’d do in your situation, so all I can do is send you all my very best wishes and hope that things become a little more bearable.
Connie
xxx
Bridgette,
I feel for you. The stress of everything at once can be overwhelming. I am happy you are talking with your GP and Pastor. I am sure they will be able to provide the kind ear that is needed currently.
I practice Yoga daily to keep myself balanced. The meditation and breath work do wonders for me.
PM me if you would like to try a virtual yoga class.
Paula
Bridgette. Firstly I am sorry for the stress you have found amounting lately. I know that rising temperature and feeling of loss of control. But you managed it. Ask yourself, how and when did you see it arising? What did you do at that point? Did you simply carry on? Or did you throw in a spanner to stop it moving?
Sometimes we forget how these triggers get us uptight. If you can sort it out by remembering and planning ahead, it can be a helpful managerial skill to use and even talk to your colleagues about. Though none of us want to show any lack of control , especially in the office.
It also shows the disparity of your male and female characteristics. We expect to be in control and know we are accepted in CD world. but its a slightly different story in the workplace far less understanding unless you are lucky to have an HR soul who listens first.
I have found that appropriate humour can defuse any situation of heightened awareness or stress. Find something ( or someone ?) to share a laugh with. I’m sure you could make something up. But this input causes a break across the stress factor and shifts the weight. Hope this gives you food for thought. Oh and drink water – it has the property that puts “fires” out !Sincere wishes,
Anya
Good morning B. You’ve already gotten more advice and ideas than I could hope to improve on. So just know I’m in your corner, sending all the good thoughts.
Now, about the hair. Yeah, I feel your pain. I was hoping for the same with my real hair. I actually do have enough of it left, just in the wrong places.
Who loves you, baby? We all do Bridgette!
C❤️
You know what’s funny? I had ordered a couple wigs off of Poshmark, and the seller enclosed a bunch of DumDum lollipops!
Bridgette
Can you answer a question for please? Wigs do they come in one size? As wanting to get one as my old one has had it and im worried ill buy one and it wont fit my head? Do they come in one size or do i need to measure my head before i buy one? Thanks if you can help please as its got me worried as dont want to shell out on one and it dont fit my skull as ive got a weird shaped head as had many head injuries over the years and ive been making do with a wig i bought many years ago
Many sites I know need to measure head for proper fit. Krissy . If go on the enfemme site they have a great tool for type of head have and a great way to their choices of wigs for the different shapes of the head.
Donna
Ok thanks, it just ive got strange shaped head as over the years had many head injuries! Had a few accidents and a couple of ex partners were violent and had many knocks on the head. Ill check out some sites thanks Donna your a 🌟 star. I really pleased that life is progressing so nicely for you, good times ahead 😊 hope things go that great once I’ve got as far as you have. 😊 just need to live as a woman for another year and then go from there im hoping! Its been 3,4 mths on hrt for myself and its no going back as ever since I started working towards the goal of being a female ive never been more happier, just wish I’d of done this journey many years ago but hey I’m getting there and I don’t get any more looks like ‘ oh that’s a bloke in a dress there’ as the hrt has changed me in subtle ways and even have a little bit of a bust these days and hey if I put bra fillers in my bra I have a ample bosum and even got a bit of a figure and my hips are a little bit more on show too. So yes very happy at the moment 😊
Thank you Krissy Oh forgot if have a wig store that can go into be best way for fittings. Instead of the guessing online. Unless know what looking for. good luck.
Donna
Oh wow Krissy seems like on track so far on HRT . Happy to hear doing good with it. Sometimes Dr just need to up or down or change things around for some.
good luck tomorrow with therapist. Night night sweet dreams. Again so welcome glad can help some.
Donna
krissy, for me I have only had one wig, from Paula Young. Fortunately I was able to grow out my own hair and don’t need one now. But when I did I ordered a Paula Young and they come in 3 sizes petite, average and Large. I ordered a Paula Young because the price was reasonable, from 29.99 to 79.99 unless you want real human hair.
Good luck. CassieSorry, I only just got back here, lol. I agree with Donna that the best thing is go to a wig store. I’ve been to a couple in the area, and getting fitted would be best. Most people use the same size though, I think. They’re adjustable in the back to allow for some differences, and shape shouldn’t make a great deal of difference.
Bridgette
Bridgette, sorry to hear of all the things that have come at you from different directions. Happy to hear you were able to keep it together and that you were able to find solutions to keep tings at bay for now. Hoping all goes well with your GP and your pastor. Keep us updated on how they go, We are all interested in how others lives are affected in these type of situations.
. . . .CassieOh, Bridgette! Sending you a big HUG!
I’m not much of a church goer, but I do have a good friend who is a minister. We’re cycling buddies. Whenever the conversation gets serious he switches gears like a pro and I’ve got his ear. Not that I’m asking for anything, but he’s an natural at getting folks to “let it out”. Sounds like your pastor has the same skill-sets.
I do hope it all works out!
🤗 Barb
(that emoji is the Hug one, not the bald one)
Hi Bridgette, I’m so sorry you have been having such a hard time lately. Shift work is never easy, but it sounds like they aren’t giving you enough change over. Definitely find a therapist or psych that has a lot of experience with trans issues. Your pastor can be of help as well (I could never come out to my church until I was well into transitioning, I’m afraid).
Light therapy can be a big help. My wife uses a light box almost every morning. You could use that before the shift, then use lavender scent in a diffuser when you are trying to sleep. We have also been using a white noise machine (Apple has a number of free apps) to drown out thumps, activity elsewhere in the house, rain and wind storms, etc.
My wife is also getting training as a therapist for a technique called tapping where you tap rhythmically to a recorded message. The taps are on the body’s trigger points and it can really help. The tpas are done depending on the need – anxiety, sleep, mindfulness, pain, focus, etc.
Please take care of yourself! I agree with the comments above that your wife may not be against your gurl-time, but is either trying to help or has her own fears she’s trying to deal with. Talk to each other!
Hugs and kisses,
Brielle
Hi Bridgette,
Thanks for thinking about us for some support. Many of us have gone through similar rough times earlier in our lives (before we had CDH). So we can empathize and understand what you are going through.
And from what you are saying, it sounds like you have a very realistic plan and approach to going through this rough patch. Hopefully all of those from whom you are seeking counsel will be helpful and understanding. While I have talked to a therapist, I’ve never talked to my GP nor a Minister. I have, in an attempt to better understand myself, gone on solo retreats in the Rocky Mountains for a week at a time. I found that time to be very helpful. I have done some writing in a personal journal – just to really flesh out my thoughts on paper. I now use my computer to jot down my thoughts.
Before I retired five years ago, I did a bunch of research and wrote a Retirement Strategy (I’m now 67). That was very helpful. So I review it every once in awhile and keep it updated. Another real help for me has been preparing my Estate Plan. In it, I do talk about being a CD and how I’d like my wife (she’ll outlive me by many years) to disperse all my CD items.
One of my guiding philosophies has been to view the rough patches as an opportunity. I’ve found the saying “in every dark cloud there’s a silver lining” to be true for me. When I was in my early 50s, and despite being a long distance runner, I didn’t handle mental and emotional stress that well (my bosses were a board of nine elected politicians) and I had about 1000 employees and over a $150 million budget. So I had a big wakeup call – a heart attack. Thank goodness I survived and I learned lots from that experience. More patience, more empathy, better communication skills, more listening & less talking, healthier lifestyle, and much more.
Good luck with your efforts. From what I know about you Bridgette based on the things you’ve written, I have full confidence in your ability to make it. Have a lovely rest of the week, All the Very Best, Hugs, Krista.
Update:
My gp was able to prescribe a little bit of something to help with symptoms and was very cool with things. I was happy with her.
My pastor was great. We talked for a good long time, and he really helped me see some things I hadn’t considered out loud, as it were. He also recommended a counseling provider that is trans friendly and knowledgeable, and suggested using him as a reference to try to get seen sooner. Most of the providers in the area are understaffed and overloaded. Probably everywhere else too these days.
So I’ve gotten lots of help. From all of my sisters here, as well as locally. Things will get better.
Thank you all!
XO
Bridgette
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