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Hi Everyone. Hmmm, not posted for a while. I am still here!!! I have not run away lol.
Going out for the first time dressed can seem daunting. A million and one questions will be going through your mind such as, will i pass?, will i get any negative comments?, what do i wear?, will i bottle out?. will someone recognise me? etc. I must admit that all these plus lots of other questions were steamrolling through my mind too.
For some people, they are not bothered what people may think and this largely depends on your personality. I am a sensitive sort and dont like confrontation, others maybe more sure of themselves, everyone is different. This topic is aimed at people who are nervous, unsure and scared.
There is no magic solution here as you are either going to go out or you are not. I will tell you what i did on my first trip out…..
I figured that in the Dark people are not going to recognise me or take a second glance unlike Daylight. The Car seemed the obvious solution. I got dressed and went out of the house when neighbours were not around, i jumped in my car, as nervous as hell and i drove around quiet areas to gain a little confidence. Seeing cars coming the other way, i quickly realised that there was no way they could tell who i was, maybe just a Lady with blonde hair but no visual facial features. I took a detour as my confidence grew after half an hour of driving around and headed into town where there were pubs, clubs and lots of rowdy Men and Women. I happened to stop at a set of traffic lights and a Guy peered through the windscreen and i got a wolf whistle!! By now my confidence was through the roof and i wound my window down so people could see better, again, no-one cared. I finally got home after nearly Two hours on the road feeling like i had achieved something and i was actually looking forward to the next time.
Fear of the unknown plays a part in our minds, confidence is king…..
Fiona xx
Fiona, it is so good to see you back.
Like you, I chose night time to make my debut. There were so many times I would be dressed and ready to go, but then chicken out. Christmas Eve I finally gathered my courage and walked through that door. I have a big dog who loves to go for walks. Great company and a very large deterrent for any criminal activity. We covered about two miles, walking through downtown, the local college campus and my neighborhood. I was terrified!!! We saw very few people because of the holiday, and when it was over, I was on a huge high of exhilaration. I was hooked. We’ve repeated the trip many times and it hardly bothers me now. My only concern is my next door neighbor. I will need to speak to her to let her know what is going on. I frequently see her out at night having a cigarette. Better to advise, not surprise. (Oooh, I like that.)
We all know how we look. You don’t have to be a model to walk the streets as a woman. Just take a look around. Fiona is right, confidence is the key. Act like you belong there, because you do.
Madeline
Hi Fiona, I missed you too good to see you back.
I still haven’t been out, my fear and anxiety is always going to get the best of me, but it is good to read about everyone else’s fears and concerns. Is there anyone willing to post a horror story? Or is it just not going to happen.
Im trapped in a condo complex where I’d have to go down the elevator, through a lobby, to a parking garage with lots of security cameras. Then back again. The odds of getting seen by someone that knows me are really good, so I’d have to go out and dress somewhere else to go out at all.
It’s kind of funny though, I used to live across the street from a neighbor who I affectionately called “ mrs Cravitz”, ( from bewitched fame)since she always seemed to be looking out the window at my house. I couldn’t get away with anything. But the house was certainly secure with a full time nosed neighbor.
That first time out can be pretty scary but also incredibly exciting and thrilling. In many times out after that, the excitement and thrills doesn’t go away. It gets stronger as you get bolder and more adventurous.
The nervousness may still be there, but you know the thrill and excitement that will be coming, so you push through the fear for that rush.Oh did the same thing first time out by going for a drive but took an extra step and parked in a plaza lot and got out and walked up and down the sidewalk but a bit. The feeling of being super nervous seems to be lessened by the excitement that I was actually out of the house. The show of my heels on the concrete made me feel amazing that night. Now I’ve been out many times but still get the butterflies just before leaving the car but once out the joy takes over the nervousness.
Ciao 👋
No one cares really. Some might look out of curiosity but otherwise people have other things on their minds besides seeing a trans person. Dress for the occasion or expect to get read instantly. If you dress in five inch heels and a mini skirt to meet the queen while in a discount store shopping , expect to get red. Common sense goes a long ways.
Hi Fiona,
Well done you getting out. Actually (having been out often) the real surprise is how little anyone cares or notices, unless of course you are on 8 inch heels with a 6 inch hemline, in which case anyone would be noticed! I try to avoid teenage boys and small children. The former because they might decide to “test” the gender, the latter simply so a parent isn’t forced to explain gender bending. Not that I make a huge effort to avoid either.
Like so many girls here: get out, enjoy it, and if someone is looking at you it is probably to think “That’s a nice dress!”.
Fi
One thing we all must remember is that how we look is one thing, but equally important is our attitude. If we act like we don’t belong, constantly look around to see who may be watching or generally act unsettled, that is what people will notice. Once they notice that, they will look closer.
As Buck Owens sang:
”All I gotta do is act naturally!”
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