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Firstly may I say happy New Year to all of the lovely CDH ladies.
I just wanted to share an experience I’ve had recently, which has reinforced to me (if that were needed) how important being Gemma – when I can – means to me.
Like many, I have Crossdressed all my life and, throughout my teens – probably right until now – the rare opportunities I got to dress always came with some element of erotic motivation (just being completely honest here). Having said this, it wasn’t always the case – but often.
Over the last couple of decades, I had tried to put my inner woman away; I know that my wife would not approve and I’ve tried to let my male lead. But we all know how it goes and Gemma always found a way to be there – and, in those brief moments, there was that thrill I’d known for so many years.
But recently, I’ve come to understand that Gemma is an essential part of what makes me – me! And I’ve started to embrace being Gemma differently. Never was this more evident than recently, when I took the opportunity of the festive season to order a few treats for her – the first time I’ve ever bought female clothing for myself.
During December, I knew could use the cover of the constant stream of Amazon deliveries to slip in a couple of items for me. December is great for this – Amazon’s Alexa won’t announce what’s in the packages – as it usually does and I could tell my wife not to open any packages as they may contains gifts for her – this was, in fact, true.
Among the many December deliveries were two for Gemma – a satin lingerie set and a gorgeous full length satin nightie. These are both items I’ve looked longingly at on Amazon for ages but never imagined I would one day be trying on.
Well, the day finally came – the Amazon man made his delivery and there I was, staring at these two items on the bed in front of me. I quickly got changed – opting to try the lingerie set first. I’d always imagined that as I slipped it on, those old erotic feelings would was over me – but, to my surprise, they didn’t. In fact, all I was thinking was how comfortable this was and how nicely it fitted. And it was the same with the nightie – I was just thinking how nicely made it was, how heavy and luxurious the material felt and, again, how comfortable and ‘at home’ I felt in it. Not for a moment did I start having those old erotic fantasies – far from it.
If I had to summarise my feelings as I wear these things I’d say it is a feeling of contentment and this is actually far nicer to me than any erotic pleasure I may have hoped to experience. It feels wonderful to look in the mirror and just see Gemma, dressed as Gemma, look at how the clothes fit me, appreciate the softness of the fabric and just feel at home.
For me it has been a turning point (I think) in how I regard my crossdressing. No longer do I see it as a dark corner I hide in but rather rather just another facet of being me.
I think that this realisation has probably been helped by being a CDH member – and reading other’s stories (which sound so familiar) and being inspired by how wonderful, feminine and relaxed you all look in your photos.
I’m hoping that during 2023, I can begin to let Gemma mature even more and I’m really excited to be heading into this as an exploration of being truly me – rather than as something I regarded as a few naughty moments here and there.
Thanks to all of you CDH ladies for your constant encouragement and inspiration.
Gemma. 💋
Thank you Gemma, you have pretty much described me and I have had the same revelations about Loni going forward
Thank you Loni and good luck with your onward journey.
Gemma. 💋
Gemma –
That is very nice that you did that for yourself. Enjoy your journey discovering who you are. It is nice that you are here.
XOXO
SuzanneThank you Suzanne. Being part of CDH has been such a help.
Gemma. 💋
Thank you for sharing in such a beautifully written piece! You perfectly summed up how it sometimes feels being en femme. ( though, for me, the erotic feelings are usually there as well but to differeing degrees) Happy New Year to you and to all my sisters here!
Thank you very much Rebecca.
Gemma. 💋
I think there are a few of us who would be disingenuous if we didn’t admit to some sexual thrill when dressing at some point. When I was young the sexual thrill was never part of it until I reached puberty and full of hormones, anything deemed sensuous elicited a response. In my case the dressing was a deeper rooted thing and continued as appearing more as a woman and experiencing a new thrill of just being dressed every day and out and about. Clearly you have reached that point.
Hi Angela,
That’s pretty much where I am, I think. And the journey you describe is very familiar to me.
Thanks.
Gemma.
Thank you for relaying that Gemma. It is a real relief when you can honestly tell yourself that you just enjoy dressing that way. That is when I become one with my desires to dress. After going through all the different reasons why I dress, and no doubt most or all are some part of it, I just came to the realization that I dress because I enjoy it. That’s it, I just enjoy it, and told my wife so. I enjoy running, hiking and riding my road bike or motorcycle. I don’t have to rationalize those activities beyond that, so why would I for dressing?
As my wife says, “they are just clothes, they don’t do anything for me, but if you enjoy it then okay.”
Thank you JJ,
Yes, I think you have hit the nail on the head. There are things that we do because they simply make us feel good and crossdressing is just one of those things.
Gemma.
Thank you Gemma for the article, well written and I think true for many of us. When I started I had no erotic motivation I didn’t even know what the word was at 8 years old, it just felt really good and comforting to dress. Middle teens I would try and believe that I could look the girls in the magazines, and in my late teens that became the erotic moments for me. But in my 20’s I loved trying to be sexy just as a woman would do, I watched how women would dress and act when they would go all out to be sexy and that is what the attraction was for me as well. Now in my 60’s I still have that same feeling when I dress, but now a little more subdued, and I’m probably the only one that sees it, just how sexy I feel with my matching bra and panties, my lace top thigh highs, the blouse, the jeans, shoes but I love it, it’s me it’s Sherri feeling good about herself with that slight erotic tinge as she walks about.
Thank you Sherri,
I too have consciously started to notice the things about women you describe. It’s actually really nice to look at a woman through Gemma’s eyes and notice subtleties in the way she has gone her makeup, or just appreciate her outfit.
Thanks again,
Gemma.
Great story Gemma! I can definitely relate to the excitement of ordering and then receiving and trying on gorgeous new lingerie items!
Thank you Jess,
Yes – I can’t stay away from Amazon right now.
Gemma.
For decades I was a lingerie only cross dresser and 90% of the time it was about the sexual thrill and 10% about feeling like woman. A few years ago things changed and now it is about feeling feminine and presenting as a woman 90% of the time with a low key sexual thrill the other 10%. A complete reversal.
Thanks Fiona,
It feels like a natural part of the journey to me now.
In a way, I think I felt a little robbed when I didn’t feel the usual ‘tingle’. But, when I just started to feel like Gemma just being Gemma I realised it was so much nicer.
Thanks again,
Gemma.
Like a lot of us here I get an erotic thrill when dressed and until recently I was happy wearing nice lingerie and enjoying that feeling. That has changed of late and now I am obsessed with wanting to go out experience the world as a woman. Not doable at the moment but a girl can dream and prepare.
I add my thanks to many others for your well written piece that describes so well how many of us feel.
Hugs,
Michelle
Thank you very much Michelle,
I’m in a similar position in that I would love to experience the world as a woman but could never pass (right now).
But, in a way, I think that knowing who I really am (even if I cannot share it more widely right now) enriches me in its own way.
Gemma. 💋
Hi you don”t have to pass to go out wearing women’s clothes! I do it pretty much all the time. I go out in women’s jeans, leggings, tights and even a skirt at times. I wear female tops with my bras and breast inserts high heel shoes. But I don’t wear make up or a wig and sometimes my beard shows. If they look they can clearly tell I’m a male, but I don’t care. If you wear age appropriate clothes and don’t dress too fancy most people just don’t notice or don’t care. They may not want to make a scene so they just keep going!
I was at a convenience store in male mode and a CD came in. A male customer started harassing him and the other people were saying leave him alone and trying to stop him. The CD went to go outside and the guy pushed him in the back as he was leaving! He turned around and with one punch he dropped the guy who pushed him. When I left he was still on the ground! That helped me cement about going out dressed because I can do the same if pushed into it!
I have not got even close to what happened all I have got is some stares but not one negative comment from them. The only negative time was at a Soma store where a saleslady refused to fit me for a bra or help me at all. One call to headquarters and that’s all it took I got invited back and was offered 50% off my entire purchase!
I have had a lot of compliments on my outfits and been told to “go for it” a few times. If I shop at a regular store the checkout people don’t use gender pronouns, just is that all or have a nice day. Now we get to wear a mask when we shop and that helps a lot! So if you want to go out dressed “go for it!”
Hi Gemma, thank you for your post. You’ve perfectly described the journey from being a young crossdresser and how we felt to the more mature crossdresser and how our feelings and thoughts have changed. At 72 there is not the erotic feelings anymore when I dress but rather the feelings of contentment and serenity when I’m out shopping or at the pub for happy hour or just out walking on a nice warm day. I was always passable and accepted as a girl in my younger days and, thanks to a good gene pool I guess, I still pass as a woman now. Thanks again Gemma, have a great day.
Trish 💖
Thank you Trish,
I guess it is a natural part of the journey. And, now I’m here, it feels really nice.
Gemma. 💋
Gemma thank you for writing this. It sums up so much of what Im sure many of us have been feeling and experiencing. So well told. xo Misha
Thank you very much Misha.
Gemma. 💋
Read my life. After puberty, was mostly sexual. Starting about 20 yrs ago changed to living en femme. Now when I look at a lady I notice her clothes , hair, and makeup not her boobs. Last week I complimented a lady on her boots and she acted to thrilled that she talked about fashion for several minutes. Found out how to pick up women 50 yrs to late. Married all that time to the THE ONE.
Thanks Lorraine. I agree – I’m seeing women in a different light nude too.
Gemma.
Hi Gemma, that was a beautiful story and I can tell you felt beautiful as I have done that myself with Joanne there is nother feeling like it I do hope you get to be Gemma more often.
Kind regards
Joanne
Thank you Joanne.
Gemma.
This is exactly why I joined CDH! I just ordered a bunch of things and am looking forward to the chance to just be in them, to fully embrace the whole experience, and to create an opportunity to spend time as (the other) Gemma. I’m planning a little getaway for myself so that I have the time to slide into her gracefully and not rushed. Thanks for sharing your experience, and I’m excited to share my own when the time comes.
-Gemma (from Kentucky) ❤️💋
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