- May 16, 2021 at 11:38 am #492720Mika MaloneParticipantRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
Last night, Philma and I went out local monthly drag show. I prefer to go down to Kansas City where people are, generally, more open and accepting. The drag show is one place though that I feel comfortable being myself in this ultra conservative town.
I went to one a couple months back and just kinda blended in with the large crowd. I went one step further last night though. My daughter bought me a Trans Pride pin that I wore all night. So, even though I did my best with my makeup, clothes, and accessories to be passable, I wasn’t trying to pass at all. I wanted to present as a stylish and classy trans girl. How did it turn out? It was a much different experience to say the least.
At the previous drag show, I did get a couple compliments on my outfit. But last night, the attention was almost overwhelming. So many people were complimentary about one thing or another. A few compliments were just about my overall appearance. It was such a confidence boost and really made the one negative experience not be a downer for my evening.
There was one guy that was hitting on me from the moment I walked in until the moment he left. Normally, being hit on is a compliment and, at first, it was. But just before he left, he started coming up behind me and putting his hand on my shoulder to get my attention. He said he meant no disrespect and didn’t mean to offend me. I told him that offering me drinks did neither but he needed to keep his hands to himself. Having Philma there did keep the guy at bay for a while and kept me from having to really go off on him or kick his a**. I have always understood what cisgender women have to deal with when they are in public and pushy guys like that won’t leave them alone. But that gave me a new perspective on it.
In the future, at upcoming events, I will still wear my Trans Pride pin. I probably won’t wear it for a regular shopping outing but I will take advantage of these events where it’s a more accepting environment to say that I am trans, I am proud, we are here, and get used to it.
Pictures are posted in the public and private galleries.
- May 22, 2021 at 5:02 am #494883AnonymousLadyTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Mika I have had both good and bad attention when I used to go out to clubs. For the most part it was good and no problem. I have always worn a women’s wedding set since I married and usually pointing out I am married and not interested puts an end to it. I will never understand why some men think it’s okay to do things like trying to run their hand up your skirt or grab your breasts but those bozos do exist and when a firm stopping hand and polite please do not do that doesn’t end things informing the bar tender, wait staff or bouncer will usually have the offending idiot promptly removed as the clubs don’t want their reputation ruined due to an idiot. As with a gg we should not have to accept any unwanted advances or attention just because we are allowing our feminine side to be free and men should learn to respect women be they gg, cd or tg’s! This is kind of a pet peeve of mine due to some past experiences and the reality of what women have to deal with every day so don’t put up with anything unwanted and support your gg, tg and cd sisters in creating and keeping a safe environment.
- May 22, 2021 at 10:15 am #494967Mika MaloneDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
Thanks, Carolyne. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I too wear a women’s wedding set. But, as you said, there are still those persistent a** holes out there that have no respect for women (whether it’s trans or gg). It’s a societal issue IMO. Boys need to be taught at an early age to respect women so they don’t grow up with the perception of entitlement that they can do whatever they want. Schools tell girls not to dress certain ways so they aren’t a distraction to boys. They need to educate the boys though because they are the issue. I could keep talking about this more because its a pet peeve of mine, as well. But talking about it here is like preaching to the choir.
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- May 22, 2021 at 10:26 am #494972AnonymousLadyTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Amen sister Mika and pass the collection plate! Those of us on this site all have some special understanding or respect for women and as such it is preaching to the choir, however it does behove us to represent women whether gg, cd or tg in a positive light and share tips to be safe and proper.
- May 19, 2021 at 4:38 pm #493902KristaDuchessRegistered On: January 24, 2017Topics: 10Replies: 737Has thanked: 3369 timesBeen thanked: 3663 times
Hi Mika, thanks for your story and for sharing your fotos. Looking good. You are lucky to have such a great wing gurl as Philma. She looks really confident and can handle those types of situations. I’d love to one day be able to go on a “night out”. I dress in public regularly in the daytime but living in a small northern natural resource industry city, there isn’t a safe bar to go to in the evening. Nearest big city is about a five hour drive – maybe one day I’ll make the trip??? Keep sharing your stories, All the Best, Hugs, Krista.
- May 19, 2021 at 5:17 pm #493909Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
Thanks, Krista. Honestly, the whole bar thing isn’t my style. I am a foodie and a slight beer snob. But my hometown is rather uptight. The only times I have dressed in my hometown are for the drag shows.
I am certainly appreciative of Philma and so lucky to have a sister that I have known even before either of us dove head first into being CDs/TGs. She had a head start on me and having her by my side helped my rapid progress.
- May 19, 2021 at 10:14 am #493806Philma BiersteinDuchessRegistered On: May 28, 2020Topics: 67Replies: 231Has thanked: 1726 timesBeen thanked: 1291 times
You handled yourself very well that night Mika. The plan for my next step was to get the bouncer.
For everyone on this thread: I’ve worked in a bar, and that is always the solution. The bar owners/employees will ALWAYS take care of a situation like this, and appreciate finding out someone is bothering you sooner than later. If you do anything violent, you will both be thrown out. If you just get the bouncer or bartender, you get to stay, and the offender gets thrown out or told to leave you alone.
However, I certainly had the urge to jab him in the eye socket with my high heel. These guys forget we’re wearing weapons on out feet! Stilettos in more than one way!
I can’t wait for our next outing. We are certainly a couple of gals not to be F-ed with. 🥰😂
- May 22, 2021 at 1:14 am #494852
- May 19, 2021 at 4:15 pm #493893Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
That’s a good point about getting the employees involved. Next time, I’ll nip it in the bud sooner. Plus, the bouncer had already complimented my blouse so we were already good LOL.
I’m already thinking about outfits for next time. I may have to keep wearing the ankle boots because they are so comfortable. I would love to wear my stilettos but standing that long in D’Orsay pumps sounds excruciating.
- May 22, 2021 at 2:55 am #494867Paula FRegistered On: August 7, 2019Topics: 17Replies: 1551Has thanked: 30616 timesBeen thanked: 6426 times
Where I was living in the 80’s and early 90’s, we were having some problems with redneck and gay bashing. The worst was if they got after one of us girls, which could and did end up with more than just being beaten up a few times.
A good sized group of us, both CD and gay men had to put some serious pressure on the club owners for protection. Starting in the early 90’s, we could ask the doorman for a courtesy escort and they would have one or two of the bouncers escort us to our cars and stay with us until we were headed out of parking lot. That was about the time the cameras went up on the light pole also.
- This reply was modified 2 years ago by Paula F.
- May 22, 2021 at 10:04 am #494962Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
Wow, Paula. Those must have been some scary times. We have come such a long way. But the cultural polarization that we have seen recently means we definitely have to remain vigilant about our safety. And not just for us but everyone in the LBGT+ letter mafia. Thanks for sharing!
- May 22, 2021 at 11:16 am #494993Paula FRegistered On: August 7, 2019Topics: 17Replies: 1551Has thanked: 30616 timesBeen thanked: 6426 times
Most of the time we had some good times. It wasn’t everyday you had to watch for them. But it taught us to be aware of who and what was around us.
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- May 17, 2021 at 8:53 am #493008Stephanie KennedyRegistered On: March 15, 2019Topics: 20Replies: 1122Has thanked: 8840 timesBeen thanked: 4880 times
Hi Mika Your story brought back a memory I will never forget. I used to go out to a gay night club alone but would meet up with other trans girls at the night club. I used always tried to park as close to the club as possible where there was plenty of light. There was one night there was a guy following me from other side of the street. I could see me car. I had my keys in my hand. My brain was racing going through every motion i had to do to get into my car, start it and get away. I got to the car and heard a voice calling my name. I was so grateful it was the bouncer from the club. He told me that he noticed that guy leaving right after I did and he just did not look right so he decided to follow him. I am not into guys but i gave him a huge hug and said thank you. He was so cute when he said I am not just a good looking potted plant I work there for a reason. I replayed the incident over and over in my head on the way back to my apt. It was scary I did thank him again and offered to buy him a drink. I also asked him how he knew my name and just said, I pay attention. I told him that he was going to make some lucky girl very happy one day. Couple things I learned from that experience.1. Not all guys are horny pigs. 2. Take a cab to and from club no matter the cost. 3. Apply for a permit to carry a deadly weapon. I agree with you about when and where to wear your pin. I love what you said “I am proud and here to stay”. We always have been here but just not in the light. Thank you for your post
- May 18, 2021 at 9:40 am #493473Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
Thank you, Stephanie, for both the personal experience and the welcome advice. We should always be vigilant and pay attention to what’s happening around us. We can’t let our guard down even if we haven’t had any close calls such as yours. I have to admit that I need to keep #1 in mind that not all men are pigs.
- May 17, 2021 at 8:36 am #492998Deborah SullivanLadyRegistered On: February 27, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 1202Has thanked: 6027 timesBeen thanked: 5465 times
- May 18, 2021 at 9:24 am #493468Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
A companion does make a huge difference. I did attend the previous show by myself. I didn’t have any issues but I only got a couple compliments on my outfit that time.
After this experience, it does make me curious about dealing with guys in the future. This guy was a real piece of work. He was quite a bit older and I’m no spring chicken. He even stated his age as his excuse for not keeping his hands to himself. I found that odd. But from a sociology perspective I also found that interesting.
- May 17, 2021 at 6:14 am #492951Julie ShawLadyRegistered On: September 3, 2015Topics: 21Replies: 173Has thanked: 784 timesBeen thanked: 1064 times
I have had a few instances where men approached me, one I was totally oblivious to – my “first time”.
I was at a casino bar with 2 GG friends. A man approached our table and started chatting us up. It was pleasant enough, but after he left, my friends were all agog. They said he was SO hitting on me, and I never even noticed! I wanted to call him back over and ask if they were right (lol).
The other 2 times were at bars – gay bars – so I honestly don’t know if these guys were hitting on Julie, or hitting on a guy in a dress. (I have always had a terrible time believing that anyone would accept me as a GG, but my dear Sister Friends have told me that I pass with flying colors)
- This reply was modified 2 years ago by Julie Shaw.
- May 18, 2021 at 9:17 am #493466Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
That’s so awesome, Julie. I’m so glad you shared it. You definitely bring up a great point about us girls being hit on while dressed. In my case, I have to assume he saw me as a transgender girl because I was wearing my Trans Pride pin. All the attention definitely has me curious enough to wear it off and on at different times to see if it makes people more or less inclined to compliment (or hit on) me.
- May 17, 2021 at 1:50 am #492905Simone CLadyRegistered On: January 23, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 183Has thanked: 73 timesBeen thanked: 773 times
I had to laugh, I was out dressed once years ago with a girlfriend (GG) and this guy started hitting on us both and wouldn’t stop. We went to the Ladies and she said “This is what we have to put up with as women, now you know what it’s like!” And it wasn’t pleasant.
We went back out and the same guy started again, trying to put his hand on my butt. Now given I was not what I looked like I didn’t want trouble, but my friend said “Keep you hands off of my girlfriend!” He looked surprised and said “You lezzies?” My friend replied “No, just want to be left alone!” At this point he tried to reach up and fondle her breast and she hit him HARD with a left hook, out of nowhere! It floored him, and men in the bar started to laugh at him that a girl had floored him.
Anyway, he left us alone then and I hope got the message that women are not there to be fondled and touched!
- May 18, 2021 at 9:09 am #493464
- May 16, 2021 at 1:17 pm #492748Michelle TrottRegistered On: April 7, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 687Has thanked: 2974 timesBeen thanked: 3179 times
- May 16, 2021 at 1:37 pm #492753Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
LOL. I definitely didn’t mind the attention. I just wasn’t prepared for so much of it. And honestly, I didn’t mind that guy until he started getting handsie.
The room with the show has two entrances. One is a direct entrance and the other requires one to walk through a restaurant to get in. I deliberately go through the restaurant (this time with my Trans Pride pin) because it exposes some people to a cd/tg that may not be going into the show. Exposure.
- May 16, 2021 at 12:10 pm #492728Clara CrossLadyRegistered On: December 7, 2020Topics: 16Replies: 559Has thanked: 1797 timesBeen thanked: 2609 times
Sounds like an eye opener Mika. Always nice to have your wingman (wing-girl?) along.
You have come so very far since we first began following your exploits not so very long ago. Very happy for you.
- May 16, 2021 at 12:27 pm #492734Duchess - AnnualRegistered On: November 11, 2020Topics: 61Replies: 981Has thanked: 2274 timesBeen thanked: 3900 times
Thank you, Clara! Things definitely went pretty fast for me. I can’t recommend this approach for everyone. But it suits me well. I wish some of the girls that had been so encouraging back then had not left the group.
It’s a big confidence boost and comfort having a wing-girl with me. Not only are we lucky to have a cd/tg friend but we are so fortunate that we had known each other before we began this journey.
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