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“We need to talk” she said, “I want a divorce.” It would be a lie to say I was completely surprised, but it still hit me like a punch in the gut. The surprise was how thoroughly she had thought everything out and how set she was on the eventuality and unwilling to consider any of my offers to seek counseling or whatever it took to make it work. She had a proposal written out carefully dividing our financial assets and obligations, an extremely fair split that I could find no fault with, and the plan to share custody of our two teenage children. Every point she made about our relationship and the widening gap between us was true. We really have no common interests beyond our children and we have both been keeping it together for them. She pointed out that neither of us is happy and she wants to get on with her life and let me get on with mine.
She doesn’t know about Sofia, at least I don’t think she does, but still I’d be fooling myself to say my gender exploration had nothing to do with it. In fact I had made the decision a few months ago to put Sofia away and work on my marriage. I let all my body hair grow back and stored my wardrobe, makeup and shape wear away in hiding. I began to seek professional help for my snoring/sleep apnea and worsening ED, both issues I feel added to our marital stress, but in the long run were really just the tip of the iceberg and my efforts proved too be to little too late.
Her proposal came a week ago last Friday, and we have proceeded with the dissolution of our marriage at an alarmingly rapid rate. We’ve seen an attorney to file the documents, split our assets into separate accounts, and I have rented an apartment which I will be moving into this week. Just like that.
The main shock and sadness for me is that I won’t be living with my children. I got a place close by though, and plan to focus on staying in their lives as much as possible. I am really trying to stay positive about my situation, because there really is an upside to this. In fact I’m feeling somewhat guilty about how excited I am about my new found freedom.
Part of me is absolutely giddy with this opportunity to really explore my gender and sexuality. To let Sofia loose to become as femme as she wants. I’ve made plans already to attend Diva Las Vegas this spring and I’m chomping at the bit to get my ears pierced. I’ve returned to my ritual of shaving something every time I shower. I’ve told the few people in my life that know my secrets and they are excited for me. I’ve had thoughts of spending more and more time en femme and not caring if the world finds out, getting tattoos and piercings in places that only a woman would and possibly even seeking a part time job as Sofia. I’ve pictured filling my new walk in closet with clothing and shoes. Finally getting to hang my clothes instead of being all folded away in bags and boxes. I’ve had to temper all these thoughts with the reality of still needing to keep Sofia a secret from my children, at least for now. That will mean I still need to use discretion and not come out to the world as the woman I want to be, but I still will have the opportunity to develop feminine me. I will also have the freedom to seek out support groups and counseling, to really try to figure out where I belong on the gender spectrum.
Thanks to those who have been friendly and supportive here on this sight in the past, I haven’t been active for the past few months, but I look forward to getting to know many of you better now!
Awww Sophia, I am soo sorry to hear that things didn’t work out for you two. All kinds of sympathy hugs.
This subject seems to have a high rate of failure. I put it down to the fact there is not enough communication before the I do’s are exchanged. People will change with time and partnerships can’t survive unless both change with the flow. I am so sorry for your delimma, sweetie. I am here if you need advice or want to talk. Above all…..don’t get into “rights” battles with your wife….be passable friends when all is said and done.
Lady Veronica
Dear Sophia, I am tossing up between being sad for your loss of the marriage and being glad for your new freedom.
My only experience of divorce has been from my mother’s and friends, none of them have been pleasant.
The most important thing I can say is that divorce is only between yourself and your wife, the children of the marriage are not being divorced by either parent.
The whole process can can be far more harmonious and less stressful to the children when both parties agree on this point.
Hugs
SherylThanks for the support and compassion ladies. Sheyl you are spot on about the children, the two of us are unified in remaining positive in our Co parenting. We are so far maintaining an amicable relationship, in fact she is being so nice and helpful in getting me out of the house it’s almost making me mad. She’s even still calling me honey! It’s in our best interest to remain friends and I don’t see a reason it shouldn’t continue.
Hugs to all!
Thanks for sharing your story. I too am happy and sad for you. Hopefully it all works out. I’ve been wanting to attend DIVA this year but don’t think I can pull it off since my sister-in-law just moved in this past week. Thus, I’ve gone into man mode due to fears of her finding out and getting ready and coming home in fem seems too risky. But it seems like a perfect event for you in your new situation. Anyways, Best of luck with your new single life.
Well Sofia, I haven’t given up hope yet. I just registered for DIVA two days ago & even requested a big sister. Now I just have to run it by my wife & keep my fingers crossed.
Sofia,
I went through a similar situation years ago although my kids were adults by the time it came to a head. Tricia was still unnamed at that time, but helped immensely in getting through. Although I didn’t venture out a lot, I did go out fully dressed in public for the first time about a year later. I had a wonderful time and just had this feeling that things were going to turn around for me – I am not at all superstitious and can’t explain why, I just suppose some things defy explanation. Anyway, I met my wife a couple weeks after that.
Fast forward almost fifteen years and I can say that my life is definitely so much better than I really ever thought it would be. Although Tricia is still in the closet, she is happy.
I truly hope that your future works out at least as well as things did for me – hopefully even better.
Best wishes and hugs to you,
Tricia Lynn
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hello Sophia,</p>
My Divorce was final April 2017’ after 25 years of marriage. I have subsequently met a woman who is accepting of my CDing and actually encourages and accepts Charlotte. I know this is rare but the hiding and purging of Charlotte while married to someone who despised and loathed my dressing was too much to bear. My GF wants me completely shaved all of the time and is very accepting of my desire to be Charlotte from time to time We will be getting married in April and she is moving here this year to So California from another country.Best Regards,
Charlotte.
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