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There is something I have noticed about the crossdressing community and would like some feedback. The range of ages of guys that cross-dress is all over the place, but I have noticed a few things.
1. A large number of crossdressers have always had an inclination since a child
2. A little before 50 there seems to be a large number of crossdressers have come to terms with their feminine self and amount of crossdressing seems to be much more. The idea of going out as a woman becomes much more of a desire and many of us act on it.
3. Those that are still married seem to open to their spouse, sometimes with good results, others not so much.
4. From my reading and understanding, more than 50% of crossdressers are heterosexual, or at some point become more pansexual.The question I have is why do we girls seem to really have this desire around that age to truly understand our feminine side at a high level.
Thanks
Missy.Well, in my case, the desire was strong well before 50, but the opportunity did not seem to be there.
I lived in a very conservative village, with a rough “Council estate”, and my life was quite literally in peril if I showed signs of this much deviation.
It wasn’t just undesirable – a guy on the Council estate got discovered as a cross dresser by his wife, and met with immediate eviction from his home and family. He ended up sleeping on the village green in a tent before being moved on and never seen again.
That served as a reminder to me to keep this a total secret from everyone.
More recently, these kinds of behaviours are seen as normal by enlightened members of the global community, enhanced by the wonders of the internet.
In short, I discovered this site after I accepted who I am, realised that the story is common by chatting and reading the stories, and, feeling slightly like I’ve been robbed of a precious part of my life, the reason for coming out when I did was realising that I am, in fact, totally normal, and finding the evidence right here.
3 years down the line, and it’s still not easy when the wife doesn’t want to accept, but it’s the best thing I ever did.
I am what I am. Living a bit of the dream rather than none of it.
I tried to come out many times, but it’s really, really scary when the worst that can happen is complete ostracism.
And actually, I no longer fear that, knowing that I am just doing my own thing, and being who I am.
Love Laura.
Thankyou
“I am what I am. Living a bit of the dream rather than none of it.”
That sums it up for me.
Having said that, she’s stopped rolling her eyes and tutting every time she sees a Drag Race trailer, so maybe there’s hope for me yet.
Connie
xxx
I think it’s because we’be spent so much time being guys while our feminine side is growing that once we reach that age we get tired of even the slightest questioning of this, and just decide to let her out to play. 😄😇
Hmm, I don’t mean this to sound flippant, but I really think it’s the new Mid Life crisis. Forget about recapturing your youth with fast cars and such, it now seems to have become a mid life reflection or opportunity for many – recapturing the life we were never allowed to live. Just thinkin’…
Stevie
Im new here and was amazed at how many of us seniors there are. I completely walked away from it for 23 years only to have it hit me like a freight train a couple years back. I never had a crossdressing “mid life crisis”. But what I have now is a ” Before I Die Crisis”. And that goes for a lot of things, not just crossdressing. All I can do is experience the fem side I surpressed for 58 years.
Here I am at an advanced age discovering who I am and why I cross dress. I Love the feel of tights and soft clothing, pretty dresses, and high heels. I still feel a little clumsy walking in them but I will practice if I have to (darn). I have been dressing since childhood but never came to terms with it until lately, thanks to a very understanding psychologist. I wish my spouse would be more understanding. I would love to go out for dinner or shopping dressed. It took a long time for her to deal with my dressing so I should be happy with where we are, and I am.
I was just thinking about this. Like many here, I started dressing before puberty. My dressing frequency had really increased. It used to come and go with long stretches in between, bas I’m approaching 50, it’s pretty much constant. Is it hormones? Because we’ve suppressed it so long? Looking for intimacy, even though it’s with ourselves, since things have fizzled out at home? It’s a good question!
Surveys have shown a majority of the girls here to be 50-plus. We all started young, but many (most?) of us suppressed the urge by our late teens/early 20’s, only to have it re-emerge later in life. IMO, lowered testosterone, and perhaps our prostate medications are the primary reasons for this. I also believe the internet, with sites like CDH have made us realize we are not as alone or as weird as we thought we were; this makes it easier for us to accept this part of ourselves.
As for myself, were it not for the internet, I would never have understood or accepted the truth that I’m a T-girl.
This I think is the toughest question there is. For me, I seem to fit into usual mould, I started young, gave it up for 15 years or so, then the need would visit me from to time and I’d indulge and this went on for several decades. Through that time I did have the thought of how nice and wonderful it would be to get properly dressed up, makeup, a nice wig instead of the cheap Halloween one I used and maybe even go out.
While in my teens by chance I read some things about males who dressed in women’s clothes, and they weren’t really very complimentary and I think it was this which in part lead me to give it up, though truth was it was more complicated that.
Now 40 years or so later I think it is a confluence of various things in my life, likely coupled with the lowered testosterone we all have later in life. By this I mean, first of all discovering all of the crossdressing things there are on the internet, good, and bad. However with a much greater understanding and a better perspective now than I had in my teens this really made a huge impact on me. The urge to dress more had been grower stronger the few previous years, and then that discovery really made some connections in my head. Plus what another poster has said. There comes a time after doing so much for so many other people throughout your life you finally want to be able to do things for yourself before it’s too late, and I think this is one of them.
Also, now I’m in a better position both with respect to my personal life, kids grown, financially, etc. Then a move away from my busy neighbourhood to the country made actually going outside dressed up more possible.
Of course one could do it anywhere and any time if one is brave enough, but that wouldn’t be me!
Then I found this site, which is a fabulous support place where we are all accepted, and new girls are encouraged to learn to be more feminine and to spread their wings. Through some girls here I was introduced to a local (Toronto, Ontario) crossdressing social and support group where I could go and actually meet other CDs and be out en femme, but in a private, safe and secure setting.
With support from here, and support from the girls there I just blossomed out so quickly it was scary, both for me and my wife. She was worried that something had changed in me and that I wouldn’t want her anymore, but nothing could be further from the truth. She has completely accepted me, though as a part time crossdresser, if I felt the need to transition, then it would be a different situation I’m afraid.
I am happy now with my dual life, and also am no longer ashamed of what I am, though I do not advertise this side of me, if it were to somehow get out I believe I would deal with it fine.
Amy
Learning to accept yourself for all of who you are is the key to happiness.
I believe we are fortunate to have this broader sense of self. To be able to accept femininity along with masculinity gives us a much wider view of sexuality that the average man or woman will never experience.
I have no problem being masculine by day and escaping into the blissful world of femininity by night. At times I wish we could openly mix the two. I would love to go out in public wearing one of my favorite dresses without having to disguise myself as a female.
Hi Missy,
Just to echo what Stevie said earlier, I don’t mean to trivialise your question.
I just wonder if it’s just the bloody-mindedness that comes to most of us at a certain age. Maybe some of us older ones didn’t quite suffer from the rages of dysphoria that is apparent in younger and more insistent trans girls, or we thought to handle our feelings with various coping strategies – until now (whenever ‘now’ is in your life).
And then – whoof – we choose to explore a path less travelled.
Marti xxx
Hello Missy.
I think there’s a lot of good answers here already
Personally, I think the older we get , the more we realise that this is what we really want. We get so tired of hiding, and actually begin to realise life is passing us by.
Especially those of us who have been suppressed from an early age, as crossdressing was just NOT accepted. Places like cdh have appeared, girls can shop online and get virtually anything delivered anywhere, and society is becoming more acceptable…..
I’m sure a lot of the girls on here would be more open now, if they were younger and just starting out….it’s just got easier!!!!
Just my opinion, grace xx
You have very intuitive skills, Missy, although I sense the percentage of heterosexuals here is higher than what you surmised.
As a younger adult I had a few closet CD episodes followed by a purging of all feminine clothing. I am now in my late 60s and with the help of this website and other external factors and environmental shifts, I have finally embraced my CD life for the very first time. I still deal with some internal conflicts and am closeted to the world, but in the last couple of years have come to where I can say I am a crossdresser rather than I am a guy who likes lingerie. My path is still open before me, but full self-acceptance is very close. All that remains for me is the development of a CD social network with whom I can hang in person.Speaking for myself because I’m sure there are 100’s of different view points.
I’ve been crossdressing since early childhood and have always had this inner desire to be one of the girls.
I have gone through life suppressing these desires because in most respects I am male and have never felt like I’m a female trapped in a male body. There are countless reasons for why we crossdress and I’m not going to get into that debate right now.
I grew up with the same interests in girls as any other male. I wanted to meet that perfect woman, get married and raise a family. Having these inner desires was something I struggled to suppress because it would kill all hopes of meeting the love of my life and living happily ever after.
I met that woman, got married, and have 3 wonderful children. The problem is my crossdressing desires never went away. As I have gotten older and have enjoyed all the things a man would like to experience in life those inner desires begin to surface in a different and much stronger way. It’s not like they were buried for years, I’ve always enjoyed my crossdressing when time allowed.
These days, however, I’m not out to impress anyone. I still love my wife but the romance is long gone. I’ve done all the things that are expected and required of a man. I’m now interested in focusing in on “Me time”. As best I can at my age I want to fulfill those childhood desires. I find I’m becoming less and less concerned about what others think of me.
I believe I was born a crossdresser and I will die being a crossdresser.
P.S. For those who might ask, Yes, my wife has known about my crossdressing since early on in our marriage. Accepting but has never been overly supportive.
I agree with Lacy as she has described me to a tee.
The older I get the more time I spend as Ria. I am in my 70s now and wear daily.
That is the case for me as well in that the older I get the less I care about what others might think. I was over 60 when I finally decided to wear panties to the doctors and that was my last place. So panties became 24/7. I do not go out in any fem clothes besides panties. I do not wear bras much as I tend to find myself agreeing with my ex that why wear them if you do not have to although on occasion they are nice. I wear dresses and skorts around the house and love my girly leggings. No makeup or wigs.
Great question.
I note some people have suggested that is hormonal link to age. I wonder if the answer is more pragmatic than that. If it was a whodunnit I’d say there is means, motive and opportunity
As I’ve moved through my 40s and now into my 50s several key things have happened:
1. I now have the money and space to pander to my individual desires more
2. I am more comfortable with myself and more trusting/aware of my life partner
3. I am of an age where I care a lot less about what other people think.As with many things though, there is likely no simple one answer that will fit all of us.
hello Missy
Very interesting question, though your take on this question is true to a point, the reasons are plenty-full, almost as many as the different types of crossdressing. for the sake of this response, I will solely focus on crossdressing with relation to lifestyle, rather than any other, with relation too, to both part time and full time dressing, as well as going and not going for life transition.
First off in my case, I knew from age of 5 and a half that I was different and by the age of 16, I had already been out and about fully dressed and made up, passing with no problems, only really had a couple of bad experiences possibly in my entire crossdressing life, so I consider myself lucky in one way, and justified in another way.
What I am trying to point out is, that some guys know from a very early point, and their evolving to full crossdressing womanhood at late in their teens and they are quite serious about their personal efforts they put in to it. as after all we are ambassadors for the Crossdressing community at large.
Other men fight in their mind for many years and try to fight off the impulse to try on feminine attire, and try living in total denial, to their friends, colleagues, wives and worse of all themselves, worrying what their mates might think of their personal secret kept hidden from them for the fear of rejection and ridicule. Then as life moves on they drift away from their friends as they all marry and move on with their lives, the guy realises that opportunity to be more himself has begun to present itself and the urge by now has become huge, and no longer can he hold his compulsion to dress, especially if he’s still single – so he adopts crossdressing and decides to dress full time and out he comes out from a crossdresser closet chrysalis, into the outside world as a fully fledged butterfly of the cross-dressed variety, along with all his to her honed skills. some take 10 years, some 20 years some take even longer.. that I think you will find isn’t too far off the mark.
While, others the urge to dress will always be with them, but they will never dress and live in total denial in case their mates find out. Also, if they see other crossdressers whilst out and about, because they have this secret they will feel compelled out of sheer jealousy to be frustrated/fully agitated towards others they see who are living and shopping out dressed, passing negative comments to them, shouting and trying to humiliate, to seem to be normal to their friends, so their friends will seem to think everything’s normal with them, a great deception.. though if this happens, nine times out of ten, the accomplished and more experienced crossdresser will be calm and raise questions to them and make them feel awkward and make the aforementioned guy quiet down and in many cases actually apologize, as the general population especially in the UK for the best part find crossdressing as a recognised lifestyle, whether or not it’s a full transitioned one or part time. so long as all efforts have been made to look as a normal woman around town, most people won’t make to great an issue about it. I know this from personal experience.
I hope this sort of sheds some light on your question…
Kindest Regards
Melissa
Fantastic question Missy. For me maturity at 50, frustration with certain elements of my marriage (not unhappy) but frustrated and also I did not want to get any older and not come out to my SO.
I feel that when you get to 50 you truly know yourself and what you want in life. I feel generally at this age your kids, if you are lucky to have some, have grown up and you start to reevaluate your life.
That’s what I did anyway. Just 5 years CD for me but the urge has become so strong and allowed me to understand both myself and my beautiful wife.
💚
There is a commonality in most of these responses, but there is individuality, as well.
We all share our desires to crossdress, whatever is the reason, though, which is our bond.
The acceptance within CDH, at least, gives us courage to be ourselves, whether out in the open, or sometimes, still in secret, with the knowledge that we are not alone.
Whatever stage in life or whatever age we are, we all seem to crave that acceptance. It has been said that humans are social creatures. CDH is a social construct that allows us to connect.
It makes me happy, personally (something we all also want – happiness and the endorphin rush that accompanies it) to hear your stories, particularly the ones where you encounter acceptance outside of our enclave.
Laura,
Im 55 here and still closeted. I have dressed off and on since 12. I have gone back and forth with the dressing and purging over the years but the older I’ve gotten the more accepting I’ve become of who I am. I’m hoping one day to be open to my wife.
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I’m in the same boat. Finally accepting that crossdressing ebbs and flows but it’s a part of me.
cody❤️
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I believe its because at that age we have lived with our secret for many years and it has evolved from being mostly just a sexual thing to more of an internal way of thinking and acting. We begin to realize that its our female self and all which that entails and we want to explore it farther. The desire to act on our feelings becomes stronger to the point where we must act or be miserable. We see that time is running out.
I love this topic.
For me I simply could not enter another relationship under false pretences hiding myself from another person. So when I found myself single at 50 years old I swore to myself that I would tell anyone I dated about my CD.
I dress with the encouragement of my bride. I could not imagine going back to the closet.
Caroline
I don’t know if it’s the desire to understand our femininity at this point or as I did when I was 39 I stopped beating myself up and accepted this is who I am. I’m 57 and have hit the point I just don’t care what the world thinks, this is me, you don’t like me then go away. Your opinion of me matters nothing. I’ve been called every name in the book over all these years, I started dressing when I was 10 and have always been feminine so I got picked on all the way through school and work life so I’ve become what I call life hardened with a very sarcastic over tone. If you piss me off enough I’ll usually make you look foolish as I find most of the people who have something to say are weak of mind for a nice way to say it. I liken it to beating up someone with no arms and no legs. This is the biggest hurdle you have to cross as a crossdresser, you have to accept and love yourself or you will drive yourself crazy. Take it from an old broad who was standing looking in a mirror crying with a gun in her hand, you’ve got to love yourself.
There, big mouth Heather’s done.
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Well, I was going to comment but I believe a simple
DITTO
just about covers it. Once we accept ourselves and quit worrying about everyone else’s opinion we can come out and be happy and honest with ourselves and finally start living life!
🍷C
You have hatched quite a thread here Missy. It’s the million dollar question really, isn’t it. The why, and why now?
Ill throw this out there to see if there are a couple “Amens” to this idea. To be clear, I’m actually thinking about perhaps a decade older, sixties rather than fifties. So this is maybe an older girl’s issue.
I’ve read a bit of speculation that perhaps lowered testosterone with aging brings on those feminine tendencies in older men. And that certainly may be true. I’d also propose though, that perhaps, especially in those long term heterosexual relationships, that declining estrogen is as much or maybe more a factor in increased cross dressing among older men.
At the risk of TMI, Clara’s sex drive is, quite happily, still plugging away….maybe not at teenage levels, but I dare say the parts still work pretty well. Now, Mrs Cross, with what I presume are flagging estrogen levels, isn’t even at “take it or leave it” stage anymore when it comes to intimacy. No question. She’s most definitely “leave it”. In fact she really has very little interest in most of the things that you, my sisters, find feminine. No makeup, no pretty dresses, nothing particularly girly. She’s always been like that though and I love her dearly as always. What is a more recent development however is her very low level of interest in physical intimacy.
First of all, I’m not saying that my cross dressing tendencies are driven entirely by sexual desire, but I’d be lying if I said it was not a factor at all. It is so much more than that though, and I think more important than just the sex part. Since my life partner cares not a whit for physical closeness, nor for anything overtly “girly”, it’s the femme element that goes wanting in the relationship. One wonders if cross dressing has perhaps become a replacement for what’s been lost between us. And I mean both the physical and the emotional parts of what seems missing. In one sense and under these circumstances, if Clara was ever again going to enjoy the finer, femme things in life, she’d have to do it herself. Now that doesn’t mean only what it sounds like. There is more to it. “Doing it herself” means filling in the emotional parts as well as the physical by taking on some of the stereotypical female attributes that aren’t satisfied by the GG partner. Because the relationship is quite stable and fulfilling otherwise, it makes sense to maintain that relationship but complement it with cross dressing to fill in the missing feminine aspect.
So perhaps cross dressing goes way beyond balancing out my own life but it also serves to balance out and complement the relationship most important to me.
Best to you all,
Clara and her Ruminations
PS, that would be the name of my all girl throwback band. You interested Laura Lovett? ❤️
Missy poses ‘the’ question and perhaps there are common there are common themes as expressed above. Here I think of heterosexual crossdressers.
Turn the clock back in my time to the late 60’s. For a young child to start dressing may have been seen as a phase and encouraged to ‘grow’ out of it. As you grew older being a crossdresser and out was almost suicide. The general populace were only starting to understand that the law was changing with regard to gays and the seeds were there on the long road of acceptance. Crossdressers weren’t quite in the same boat so being out and proud was totally against convention. With few exceptions it was time in the closet. For a lot of us the seeds were sown but they lay dormant.
Life usually takes over with marriage, kids and building a life and home, conformity. It is all consuming. There may be the odd thought or some secret dressing but it is so far in the closet you say ‘Hi’ to Aslan when you go in.
Once kids are grown , you make it where you are those seeds start to grow again. You want to leave the closet and there were words Aslan spoke – “There must have been some magic in his mane. She could feel lion-strength going into her. Quite suddenly she sat up. ‘I’m sorry, Aslan,’ she said. ‘I’m ready now.’
And so it starts. There are many reasons. The internet and a social aspect, a society that is more accepting and protective laws. To have a spouse can be a difficulty. I base an observation in work I did that saw a common occurrence for couples after the kids have left the nest. Two people who have started to drift a bit and find themselves looking over the table at someone they married who they had lost touch with. The distance apart can cause divorces and is not uncommon. Yes, announcing the dressing side may expedite a break up but many relationships struggle any way. Some may make plans together others need to rediscover. If it isn’t divorce it could be the spouse accepts your hobby like any other but not get involved. Others may see this as a rebonding and some thing to share and enjoy but, alas, is rare.
I am not convinced diminishing hormone levels is a reason. It goes back to the seeds, desire coupled with opportunity. In this day and age it is so different and the younger generation can express themselves and not have as many fears as us from the dark ages. A lot of youth are no different in expressing themselves as we were but the conventions are different. It could soon be possible for a crossdresser to live work and get married now without fear.
Maybe that is why there are many crossdressers of a certain age here. In time I would see that changing.
I myself started to ‘reseed’ as it were, when I was about forty. Circumstance and opportunity led me to take the opportunities in a more enlightened world. There were a steam of family, friends and neighbors who got to know the other me. I then stepped into mainstream jobs as me because the system and acceptance allows me to do so. There are people and clients who do not know any one else than the one they see and treat me as any other person.
I would never have dreamed that this would be possible back when I first tried on my sisters clothes nearly sixty years ago.
This, like so many other boxes, I find difficult to fit into. I am fifty-ish, married, hetero, and dress as a girl as much as opportunity allows. I don’t really consider myself a cross-dresser though, as much as that I’m gender fluid/non- binary/trans, but the question still fits, why now and not then? If I had the courage in younger days, when I lived in San Francisco (late 1980s) it would’ve been a blast, but I was in the Navy and didn’t want to be kicked out and lose my career. I also didn’t understand myself at all. But who did in their 20s? There is that common thread of no longer having enough f@cks to give about what others think. There’s having a wife who i know will always stand by me, and whom i told before I started this path (and with whom I still have a quite active… fun- life). She’s perhaps more into makeup and girly clothes now that I’m into it(when I can), and actively participate and encourages. She bought me my first outfit. We all have our own reasons, our own motivations, and frankly our own problems. In the end, in really not sure why now, but why not then, it’s easy: it wasn’t a realistic possibility, and that’s true for many of us. It’s so much better for those reaching adulthood now, they seem to feel a lot more free than we ever did.
Bridgette
I can only speak for myself, because I really have only experienced my journey and no one else’s. At age 4 or 5 when I first remember wanting to wear a dress, and maybe even be a girl, I didn’t think I was different, I just knew what I wanted. Apparently, as I can’t remember any details, I must have figured out…or was told in no uncertain terms…that it wasn’t proper for me to dress as a girl, so I hid those desires. They never, ever went away, just burbled around the surface for the rest of my life, where sometimes I could suppress them, sometimes I just had to yield to them.
I took my first self photos dressed at about age 20 (with one of the those cheap Polaroids at the time). My mother caught me once around age 15 or 16 and lectured me about the penalties one would suffer by being gay (although in the 1960’s I already knew I wasn’t even close to that). When I was an adolescent and preteen, and I couldn’t dress I would imagine myself as some fictional heroine being rescued by my ‘knight in shining armor’, or scrunch up the covers on my bed over me to enhance the imagination of having a ‘figure’.
Married the 1st time in my 20’s, never told my spouse (thank GOODNESS!!!!!), but never lost the desires, and as the marriage went downhill (yes, but not because of that, lots and lots of other issues), I found relief in dressing. Had a child that I eventually fought and won custody of (THANK!!! GOODNESS!!!!!!). Married again, confided in my spouse where we tried to incorporate it into our intimacy, which didn’t really work. Have kept dressing when I can. Had several more children, jobs that came and went.
Around age 50, yes, I went through what I believe to be male menopause. Started getting hot flashes which I still do, tho not quite as often. Wanted a sports car badly. Wondered where my life was going. Still gave in to my desires when I could and when it was appropriate.
So for me, not much has changed, except that I now accept myself a lot more than I ever did at age 15, 25, 40, 50 even. I dress because it makes me feel good. It gives me an escape. I don’t feel nearly as ‘guilty’ about it as I once did.
Hormones? Age? I don’t really know, I’ve just learned to go with the flow and accept who and what I am, mostly accepting that the chance to rectify the situation has long since passed. That ship sailed 40 or more years ago, I just didn’t want to accept it until sometime much later.
Missy,
you certainly started a very thought provoking article and observation.. for me you were right on:
1) yes inclination when I was a child -> mom’s girdle with garters and nylons with a satin slip.. I was forever hooked.
2) before 50 – wife’s clothing and makeup… after 60 graduated to purchasing my own(strongly urged for CD) clothes, makeup, intimates, breast forms, and my two commercial makeovers
3) married and she walked in on Leonara.. processing her husband’s revelation.. our compromise only dress when she is not home and “don’t ask don’t tell” .. looking for the opportunity for Leonara to be out ‘n about with or without her support… 4) heterosexual and gender fluid… balancing for now my alter egos…thank you ladies for listening. 70+ and have embraced my femininity.
Regards, Leonara
I think the increased interest in and acceptance of our feminine sides is realated to a natural decrease in testosterone levels as we age.
Good question Misty! Like many I’ve been dabbling since youth and it wasn’t til about the age of 40 when I think I figured myself out. I’m married with kids and never had the time to really delve into it not that I didn’t indulge at times but something was always keeping me from really exploring it. Confusion and guilt kept me from learning what I was at an earlier age. It wasn’t til the kids got older and my job settled down did i finally make the effort to understand myself. So many of us deny what we are for years and being busy can keep us from really exploring our desires. I do wonder what would have happened if I was a bachelor in a different line of work maybe I would have found melanie in my twenties
I have contemplated this alot lately and for me it’s 3 things
1. Hormones. The older we get the less testosterone we have. Ie less he more she
2. Family. Now that my kids are grown and no more wife I have more time and money
3. I have come to the point in my life that I am doing for me instead of for others.
Great topic Missy
I think it’s something that’s always in us and we get to an age we realize if we don’t experience being femme now we never will.
In my case I was always curious but through some spicing up of our romantic life I ended up in some heels and that’s all it took I was hooked.
It’s like a drug.lol
Yes I think testostetone can be a factor ,a friend of mine believed it for sure.
However mine was low and my desire to dress seems to be greater when my testosterone is higher.
I think mine has a sexual undertone to it but that’s not the main reason I love to dress.
Yes I love feeling sexy but I just love every thing about being feminine and I love having wonderful girlfriends to have as friends and share this wonderfull feminine world with.
I’m sure every one of us has a slightly different reason though
Huggs Patty
For me it’s simple. I have always loved the dress for women. Men’s clothes are boring. I feel sexy when I’m cross dressing.
I dressed as a woman for Halloween ages ago. All my friends told me how great I looked. My first experience in women’s clothing and everyone is giving me compliments? Wow! It totally did a number on my head.
Those are interesting questions Missy. To me (I’m just about 65) I feel I may be running out of quality female time and I don’t want to waste that part of me any more. All of the other girls have pointed out some valid points that I concur with as well.
Hugs, Liara
What a great question and topic!
I’m 57 and started feeling feminine urges in my late 40s after having typical childhood experiences with fem things. My wife, like so many others is wondering “what the hell?!” “I married a man, why am I suddenly getting this?” So yeah, my experience is very similar to yours and I’m sure we have similar feelings about it all. I now feel like I wish I could dress as a woman pretty much all the time, with maybe a little “guy time” thrown in. I feel more like a woman than a man at this point, and I guess I would say I’m bisexual. I’m not really sure what “pansexual” is – I have no interest in men for kissing and snuggling, but I would really like to have sex with men as a woman. I am aroused by the thought of a man having his way with me as a petite, fragile female. This is especially striking since I am 6’6″ and 300 lbs – not exactly petite. And yet, there you go.It’s so strange that probably many of us feel at the same time that we would like to just have some answer, even if it somehow ends our feminine selves, but also, that we love our feminine selves and consider that one of our finest qualities and would never want to end it.
Your question was WHY? I wish I knew. That might help me unravel some of what makes me feel the way I do. My wife would certainly like to have a good answer to this. Obviously you’re asking the same question and we can only laugh and cry together until we come to a conclusion.
Laughs, tears, and hugs,
Catherine
Probably the decrease of testosterone in late 40’s pushing us over the wall into the feminine side more fully. Lol
I think that a decrease in testosterone levels is one factor that leads us to try to understand and accept our feminine side. Another factor may be that as we age we get tired of fighting the urge to crossdress and let ourselves explore our femininity. We become aware of our mortality and figure that we should allow ourselves to enjoy our feminine sides before we die.
I am not sure I can add anything new to this discussion, but this is something I also have wondered about quite a lot. I too feel as there must be some common thread amoungst us which is acting to increase the desire, but it’s more than that, it is now NEED to dress up and express my feminine side.
My answer fits with what many have said, I’m a still healthy 68, but of course less testosterone, am in retirement and more privacy to dress, but most importantly for some reason I am driven to dress up.
I like so many others also started young, a bit before puberty, gave it up for years, then dabbled from time to time till just after 60 or so I when was bitten big time with wanting to dress up. However, even 2o years earlier I had the wish to dress up better, and even go out, but I didn’t have the information we have now. I still felt like some kind of naughty freak at times. Now I want to have as much feminine time as I can before I get too old or infirm to enjoy it.
Another factor at play I think, at least here in Canada, is the much greater acceptance of all kinds of alt lifestyles this included. I enjoy a high degree of acceptance, and I’m sure it is way higher than it would have been in the 90’s when I first dreamed of going full femme.
Amy
I’m one of those girls who started early, just over 5 years old. It was so I could play with my sisters friends and her with all the cool Barbie items that we as a group could pull together and have a blast once or twice a week usually, until I was in 2d grade.
That’s how it was intended originally. But the young girl I always saw in the mirror became the person I wanted to be. It wasn’t anyone’s fault or pushed on me unwillingly. It was how I saw myself to truly be. I dressed every chance I got as often or not as often until about 6th grade, then I had to become much more careful because of bully types picking on those of us they deemed not ‘tough enough’. I think those were the toughest times of my life until I was about 15 and met my first BF.
Over the years I have known many CD/TG girls. Some were as open as I was in my 20’s, while the majority kept it hidden as much as possible, or just went away totally. Meeting older girls later in life and having little group outings and chatting, these very questions came up pretty frequently, which led to many of them doing some deep searching and explaining why their lives went the way they did.
Some (way too many in fact), became victims of violence, which drove them deeper into their secrecy. Many lost jobs and family, friends. It just cost a lot of girls too much and many shied away at the first sign of trouble, hiding a huge part of themselves, to be seen as the ‘Perfect Husband/father/uncle/neighbor/etc.
But most I have been friends with in the last 10 or so years, just reached a point and were overwhelmed by the desires they had repressed for so long. Divorce rates have always been about 50%, but I just wonder how many are CD related and no one ever counted or it wasn’t mentioned in the decrees.
Most of these people just finally said it like Popeye, “That’s all I can stand, and I can’t stand no more.”. They gave voice to their private frustrations, concluded that they were not hurting anyone, weren’t perverts or deviants.
Men are entitled to their lives, just the same as women are. They don’t have to be gay to like lacey panties, much to a lot of peoples surprise. They don’t follow children down the street. They are as normal as everyone else and they feel this part of them stronger with each year they push the feelings down. I do believe that yes, more men are getting in touch with their feelings, and some of those feelings are usually a shade of pink, with a bit of lace highlights.
PaulaF
It’s FUN!!
Like many, I started crossdressing young. I grew up with 3 women with little male influence. And thank goodness we had laws to protect young offenders from adult punishment. I was quite the thief and pickpocket as a young and confused boy with quite the collection of hosiery, jewelry, bras and lipstick.
You are correct. My crossdressing exploded in my 50s. More time and coin, but my internal feminine feelings have been with me forever. It’s nice to finally express my femininity and I’m going for it! My current wardrobe is just a bridge to that female me.
My SO is better than neutral about it all. She understands I’m internally feminine and that I prefer female company. Plus when she climbed the corporate ladder I had no problem putting my career on hold while I became the primary care giver for our kids. Hey, if I’m wearing the apron, may as well put curlers in my hair!
Thanks, Missy.
Hugs, Barb 👠👠
I agree with a lot of the answers stated here already. for me I started around age 4, for many years it was just lingerie and maybe some makeup here n there. In my 50’s after the kids were gone and divorced, I had more freedom to explore and money to buy things…my wardrobe exploded. Never really thought much about the lower testosterone levels as we get older, but that makes sense
Hey Hun! I’m going to answer this from my perspective without reading the other replies, so they don’t color my train of thought.(Apologies if I repeat what another lovely has already said)
I believe that there are a few common reasons that there seems to be a big “influx” at a certain age.
I’m 49, very close to 50 myself. I had nearly turned 48 when I came out to the wife.
I think that some of the factors that were key for me:
I didn’t want to hide anymore, tired of it and don’t have the patience for it.
I am far enough along in my professional journey that I am “established” and I think that my track record proves I’m capable. If you suddenly think I can’t do the job well just because you recently learned I wear panties… that’s YOUR issue, not mine.
I had been denying it too long after growing up in the manly mandatory South. I was afraid to let anyone know(including my wife) that I was Bi, let alone understanding what Non-Binary was until recently. I was raised by a strict Catholic Mother and a Decorated career Enlisted Army Father that served in 2 wars. Letting them see me want to wear girls clothing was never an option. I did the guy stuff with guy gusto and made sure that I didn’t let anyone see differently.
I wish that I had trusted my wife to tell her 20 years ago… I was WAY prettier in my 20’s than I am now! LOL
I HOPE that as the younger generation learns to accept the coming out of more LGTBQ peers, that those young folk get rid of the stigma of clothes having a gender. Because they DON’T. Clothes are inanimate objects that WE assign gender to base on stupid social cues.
What was Manly 400 years ago would be consider women’s fashion today.
Wear what you like. If it makes you happy, it’s for you. Plain as that… If someone else thinks it’s wrong to wear, then THEY shouldn’t wear it. And that’s as far as their opinion matters.
I think that this rant is a result of a 50 year old being made to “hold it inside” for too long. Maybe it gives you a little more insight to the reason for the pot boiling over at some point, around 50?
Dress on Lovely,
XOXO
Rayna
I think when you reach a certain age, 60 for me, one just gets tired of the secrets and hiding. if the marriage is strong it shouldnt be that much of a horrible surprise to the SO. A surprise for sure but she is your best friend and after 25+ years of marriage it should work out. I know not always the case.
Missy,
Your list describes me to a tee. I told my wife that I wanted to cross dress (God, I love it) just this past June when I was a few months shy of my 49th birthday. Overall, her reaction was outstanding, and that’s a great thing for me because I’d be lost without her.
I was having a lot of very vivid dreams about gross dressing, but even in my dreams I could feel ashamed of myself for these feelings. It’s as if cross dressing was like breathing and the shame was like two hands around my throat choking me of something I wanted and needed. And I guess I was just sick of hiding and denying this side of me even to myself so I blurted it out to my wife that I wanted to wear panties and bras. Not very tactful on my part but it got the job done I guess.
Maybe it just at this point in our lives that we reach that tipping point between or shame and feeling like we need to fit into societies little boxes, men do this and they don’t do that, they wear jeans and boots and carry wallets with chains. They certainly don’t wear panties, bras and dresses while carrying a cute purse, but here we are and we’re wanting to embrace our desires so much that we just go for it. At least that’s how it happened for me I suppose.
Hugs to my “fella” sisters, Jill
Perhaps I should not reply as just passed 77! My journey started by “accident ” when I was 50 due to a medical problem. Since then my medical problem has disappeared, but not my pleasure to dress and go for a nice meal.
Hi Missy, love the question and have not read the replies to this point.
In short, I think we reach an age where we say, “Screw it, I’m doing this and I don’t care what anyone thinks!!!!”
The slightly longer version:
I think the answer may be simple however, based on my experience that is probably shared with many, and some of which too I believe is based on “geography”. I’ll explain.
The geography piece is simple in that, I happen to live in a very “liberal” part of the country. Many, many others before I have “stepped out”, in different modes and personalities and it’s just the way it is. Almost no one thinks twice if at all. That is not to say it has been easy, but it is “easier” to express ones self.
Secondly and perhaps more applicable is this, from my experience. I was browsing on line one time (a little over 2 years ago), and saw an ad for womens boots that read, “Just go buy those boots!”, and I did, literally. Bought my first pair of booties that I had been wanting for a long time.
That lead me to thinking, “I’m ~60 yrs old, and all this time I’ve deprived myself of something I enjoy, that really makes me feel good.”, so I came up with a way in which I could “crossdress”, in a mode that felt safe for me (despite where I live), and was not all too obvious in the beginning, to anyone particularly my wife. (Note, we have not been intimate since this decision and we are going on 3 years now).
I do not have any body hair, wear woman’s jeans and shoes/boots, exclusively, underdress of course, but still wear very stylish, casual (my opinion) :), mens shirts. The ONLY time I dress in drab is IF I have to go to the office. I’m working on this however too.
It may be more complicated for others but again to summarize, I think we just hit a point of realization and stop depriving ourselves.
Love and Hugs,
Rebecka
Great topic! I could relate to so many of the answers. For me I’ve had these feeling forever. First what I was doing was not socially accepted so there was not a lot of reinforcement. Second the combination of the responsibilities of life made it challenging to be Carole and my other side. As those responsibility are removed you find yourself with more time to focus on yourself. Knowing you will have that time available to you caused me to tell my wife. I no longer had things distracting me. Plus I no longer had the patience…I didn’t want to hold back anymore as I realized that I was in the 4th quarter of my life…it wasn’t endless like I felt in my 20s.
carole
Hi Missy, I wrote an article on just that subject. The response from the girls was overwhelming to say the least. Most of the mature girls all had a greater desire to dress up more often and go out dressed. The reasons varied somewhat but a lot were thinking as we males age our testosterone diminishes and our estrogen level increases which could definitely have a bearing on how we feel. I tend to agree with that as my desire to dress and look feminine has been so much more prominent now than it was when I was younger. Thanks for posting this.
Love,
Trish
Hi Missy,
For me it was just a realization that I had wasted a lot of time and more so opportunities, to have dressed before turning 60, when I finally decided and found a way to dress that was a bit more “acceptable” in public.
I had had enough, and said “screw it”. That’s what happened, and who knows where I’d be had I decided in my 20’s to follow this path.
Bingo. Thats just it. I still kick myself every day for having wasted most of my life that way. Ahh, to be in my 20’s again…
Stevie
While I also regret not starting when I was younger, I don’t consider those years wasted. My male self learned a lot during those years and those experiences are integral to who I am today.
So I figured it out late in life. Better late than never. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. If I’d rejected who I am, that would’ve been a true waste.
I think there are a whole lot of things happening to those of us who are 50 and older. First things and times have changed a lot since I first cross dressed. I have no interest in transitioning now and never have, as my gender identity never changes and I don’t suffer from any form of gender dysphoria. I also know in my case that the sexual aspect that accompanied my cross dressing when I was younger is no longer a strong factor. I also think that most men as they rich their 50’s start to produce lower amounts of testosterone thus maybe this allows their X chromosome to express itself in a stronger way. I now have more free time to think about my cross dressing and because of sites like this one and others I can spend now chat with other cross dressers and learn from them. None of these sites were around 15 yrs ago. All the talk, pictures and sharing keep me thinking about my cross dressing and give me new ideas to try.
Being over 50 myself, there are a lot of things going through my head as I am approaching the fall of life and the twilight of my mortality. What could have been and what should have been, but never was and never will be is a large part of it. Thought that I would have been in a different place with another life but we are not always in control of our own destiny. Some times it is NOT the decisions that we make but decisions that someone made for us. Other times it is the choices we make and the consequences that we live with by the choice that we made. While other times it is just life and the way it is.
CDing stopped being a sexual gratification a long time ago and became more of a I just want to do this when I want; when I am in the mood; My choice. Maybe it is just me wanting to get in touch with a softer gentler side; or escaping from day-to-day life; or perhaps I just like wearing high heels and stockings; I like dressing up pretty, and feeling good about myself. But lets face it, men’s clothes and shoes are very boring and non-sexy.
But I don’t just let Jennifer have total control are she would be dressing every day and showing off her great legs as so many guys told her that she has, Although I do let her out every once in awhile so that she can express herself and enjoy her life too. For a long time now, she hasn’t wanted to come out and dress, and I a kinda worried about her 😉
Yet maybe it is just an expression of who I really am, what I want to be, and how I want to live my life.
Jennifer
Hi Celeste! I’m kind of in the same boat as you were. I’m 53 and recently divorced. This is the first time I’ve really had the opportunity to explore my feminine side more and I am extremely excited about what I’m learning about myself and what I really want. I haven’t thrown out my male clothes just yet but hopefully one day.
Jen 🙂
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