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Been dressing off and on now for over 20 years now and been married for 10 of those. My wife does not know and I don’t feel I would have her approval. That makes this trivial moment so big to me at least.
Wife flew down to be in a wedding and was gone all weekend. While she was traveling back home, the dress she had ordered for the wedding finally arrived from China. A little late for her, but an opportune time for me.
I had made the joke before she left that if it came in when she was away that I would model it for her which made her laugh. Well, I did just that and sent her the picture. She thought it was hilarious and got a huge laugh out of it.
Me, (thought it was funny too) I felt like I gained a small victory in that I wore a dress with my wife’s knowledge and that she saw a picture of me wearing it.
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What a way to come out to the wife, now you can build upon that “joke” and see how she feels about your fem side. Good for you that the dress fit you. Did you wear it all weekend while she was gone? I hope so.
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That’s kinda what I’m hoping to do. I’d like to see how far I can push ‘the joke’ and see where that leads. Unfortunately, she came home the day the dress came in so I only had a chance to put it on a couple times. I did stay in it for as long as I could though! 🥰
Honestly, be careful. She may think it funny the first time, but after that . . .
I told my then Wife To Be all about Julie and she was very open. But after we were married, things changed when Julie was around the house.
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Yeah, that’s my big concern right now. It was hard enough sending that picture to her since I’m naturally very cautious. Hopefully that holds me back enough to read the room and decide if another step is OK or dangerous.
Thanks for the warning though and not just telling me to go for it. It’s nice to be in a community where I know people have my back! 💖
Way to go Kaitlyn, I know you enjoyed modeling the dress. Maybe, a small door has been opened for you.
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Oh yes I enjoyed it! I’m hoping that a door has opened up for me even if it’s just a little crack.
That must have been fun! What a great chance to see her reaction, and if it didn’t go well you could play the bad joke card! And you got to wear the dress for a couple hours too. Well played!
I would recommend proceeding with caution ⚠️ Though.
From a few stories I have heard here things can go badly too. I think slowly might be best.
Sorry if I’m preachy,Hugs,
Lara
Oh, don’t apologize for being preachy! That’s one of the reasons I joined this site was to get this good advice! 💖
Having your wife find out versus telling her is worse. It’s likely going to be a challenge no matter how it goes. I believe that you can reduce (not) how bad it goes by being open with her, Every relationship is different so there is no perfect way to tell her. I came out to my wife 7 months ago by writing a letter to her. She had found. My stash 3 years earlier but kept quiet. It allowed her to process it. She didn’t want to lose me but was scared and mad for what I was doing. I was honest with her …totally. ..made sure she was number one to me but that this was part of me. She’s accepting right now and we are trying to figure out what it looks like going forward. Meaning how I can be Carole and my. Are self. What is the balance.
You might be able to suggest dressing on Halloween next and the if the tie. Is right tell her how you feel. A therapist helped me and ask me for my gut feeling in how my wife would be in the end …I was right. Trust your gut and enjoy the journey
hugs
carole
I could not the deal with the issue of hiding it. my wife has known for 47 years and accepts it,”But” she doesn’t want me walking around the house all day or going out dressed, that is not who she married. Besides we get a lot of foot traffic in our house. our children and grandchildren drop in so I pick my time to dress, usually 4-5 hours a day which is enough for me to enjoy it
That sounds like you had a lot of fun, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Maybe ask her if you could try it on again, say it felt kinda nice wearing it, freedom etc and maybe slowly ‘get into dressing’ with her? Might be another way to ease her into it?
I didn’t have any fem clothes before I started asking if I could try on my partners clothes, she’s a similar size to me so there was enough I could borrow. I dont know if you already have clothes that she doesn’t know about but if you do you could ‘buy bits you liked the look of’ to get them into the house and known about.
I think it must be a shock for people’s wives when they find out that its been a secret for a while and there is a whole stash of clothes hidden in the house
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