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    • #118208

      Hi all,

      My wife actually found this site for me and after years of struggling with my internal me, I’ve kind of settled into a groove and am a bit more comfortable with who I am, mostly. Anyway, a little about what got me to this point.

      I experienced some abuse as a child that held some long buried trauma for a long time that affected my view on the world and led me to delve into cross-dressing when I was younger even though I didn’t know what it was. I buried it for a long while until college when something triggered the resurgence of what happened to me as a kid and ended up with me looking at the whole transgender thing back in the mid-90s. I didn’t really know what I wanted and what I was dealing with and by the time I gained any real traction with anything I’d met my wife and all of that got buried again.

      Fast forward a few bumpy but happy years until we get to the Aughts and beyond and a depression had settled in and I’d started dabbling with cross-dressing on the side and seriously looking into my feelings about being transgender and maybe even transitioning. I hid this from my wife because I didn’t know what it all meant, but I fell for the narrative that you have to transition to be happy and that it would cure all my issues.

      That didn’t end well. I should have talked to my wife about it and didn’t and she found out about it and there was a big blow up, lots of talks to try to understand where each other were coming from, and the realization that my wife was not going to be collateral damage on the way to transitioning without some serious introspection and talks with her about our future. I love her and want her in my life and we needed to find our stable ground again.

      After some medical diagnosis about my depression, yay med pills for an actual brain imbalance, and some serious therapy dealing with my childhood trauma and a very serious freak out about some dysphoric feelings when things stopped working right due to the meds and what I was going through emotionally, I decided that transitioning was not for me, was not going to magically fix my issues, and was ultimately going to hurt my relationship with my wife in the long run.

      I dwelled on one of the things that I brought up to my therapist  which was that if I could flip a switch and be male one day and female the next, that would be the ideal solution for me, but alas, we’re not there with magic or technology, or mutant abilities to alter our shape, just yet. So I’ve delved back into cross-dressing again and I identify as bi-gender. Again, if I could flip back and forth at will I absolutely would.

      So that’s led me to where I am now.  My wife is working with me on my issues, both in therapy and dealing wonderfully with helping me with dressing or even if I just feel like throwing on the bra and breast forms underneath my t-shirt and jeans. We’ve come a long way since that huge hiccup where I broke her trust, and that was all on me, and I couldn’t be happier with her and still can’t live without her.

      Now that the serious stuff is out of the way, I’m into sci-fi, comic books, creating artwork, computers, video games, and just bumming around hunting dinosaurs or Pokemon with my wife on a lazy weekend afternoon.

      I’m glad to be here and look forward to contributing!  I’m hoping to make some friends with similar life experiences that I can talk to, and maybe hang out with (not looking to date, just friendships with people like me).  If anyone knows any gathering places in southwestern Ohio that are friendly to me en femme I would appreciate a pointer also!

    • #118210

      Welcome Ashley! I am glad you are here!

    • #118217
      Anonymous

      Hello and welcome Ashely !

      happy that you are a member ,best of luck !😊

       

    • #118224
      Gisela Claudine
      Duchess - Annual

      Hi Ashley. Welcome to CDH. I am glad you are here and I wish you the best.

      Gisela

    • #118225
      Kayla
      Managing Ambassador

      Welcome to CDH,

      Thanks for your post and such honesty about you.  I am a GG and have been through quite a bit of abuse myself.   It is a tough life but I think it has helped me be who I am today.  A strong, loving, understanding woman.  Feel free to message me if I can help you or your wife.  We have an awesome SO group at CDH.

      Hugs,

      Kayla

       

       

    • #118240

      Ashley…welcome to CDH. Sweetie….you have been thru the mill, damaged but on both feet and proactively recovering. I salute you my Sister. I too have experienced rough times but badly damaged and still afloat LOL. If you ever want to chat or ask questions of me….I am here for you. CDH and TGH, all my Sisters have given me a new life and I love it. I hope it brings you peace and tranquility with you wife and your life.

      Hugs to both of you….

      Dame Veronica

    • #118290
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador

      Ashey ,  thank you for sharing your story. I must say  that you’ve been through a challenging life. Many go through hardships and turbulent times and you certain you had your share. I totally understand about the hurt and anger your wife showed  when finding out. Like me I held it for many years and her discoving this certainty upsetted her to no end. Trust as we all know was the issue, a broken trust that can certainly  rock any  relationship. Discussions are on going and now with her agreements and guidelines were together working to make this changes acceptable and comfortable especially for her . I’m happy that the both of you are working this out as my wife and I. We are in a few months about to celebrate our 40 aniversary and are renewing our vows in January, I’m so happy she said yes again. Enjoying our love is so much better when we have our SO to share it  with. Best to you both and happy to meet you.

      Stephanie 🌹

    • #118361

      Pops in to say hello!  I’m Ashley’s wife, she asked me to join her.  Nice to meet everyone, and thank you for the beautiful welcomes for my Ashley!

    • #118365

      Hi Ashley,

      So Happy you have found your way to this safe supportive Site after so much Turmoil.

      Hugs,

      Amanda

    • #118378
      Terri Anne
      Ambassador

      Hi Ashley,

      Thank you for sharing your story with us.

      Welcome to our little piece of heaven in CDH. Caring people here with many life experiences to share. Looking forward to seeing you in CDH site.

      -Terri Anne

       

       

       

    • #118386
      Michelle Liefde
      Ambassador

      Hi Ashley and welcome to you and Breeanah to CDH!  Thank you for sharing your story and thank you Breeanah for finding this site for you both!   I am glad that you have joined! I too am a big fan of SciFi, comics, etc. Looking forward to getting to know you! 🙂

       

    • #118469

      Welcome Ashley! You will find a lot of support here.

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