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This has been a problem for me as long as i can remember, I’m not technically ashamed of what i do but i find it almost impossible to tell others or for others to find out that im a crossdresser. I’ve been doing it all my life, my wife knows one of my friends knows and she took it great. The fact is girls seem to accept things far more than guys.
So i yoyo posting pictures of myself almost daring to be caught, then delete them and rinse repeat. Its like i want to just say screw it and be accepeted but am too scared to actually commit to it. The saying lifes too short comes to mind, but why have i such a numbing fear of people knowing who i am.
Society still seems to be more unnacepting of crossdressing than any other thing and ive always been confused as why.
Clearly so many of you girls on here are happy for you pics to be flying around the internet, i wonder if you have any advise or what your feelings are about this.
Thx!
Hi Lisa,
Welcome to cdh. You’ve found a safe and friendly forum to explore your cd nature. As to your ‘big’ question, I think a quite a lot of us have that challenge … I’ll get back to you when I think I have an answer 😉
Many posters like to put up lovely photos of themselves here. But also lots don’t , including some long established members. It’s certainly not a requirement.
Any photos you post are ‘public’ and visible across the web. If you join at the next level, you get access to your own private gallery, which only other members at that level can see (and vice versa).
Some worry that a photo can be reverse imaged in facial recognition software to the real you whoever that might be. I think currently that’s unlikely if you present in your photo with a wig and make up – but I understand their concerns.
All I’ll suggest is to only do what you feel comfortable with.
Marti xxx
I mean, im pretty sure anyone who knows me would probably recognise me dressed up. I guess im just a coward worrying about what others think. Like crossdressing is some kind of disgusting thing i should be ashamed of. I really want to just say to hell with it, and if im seen im seen and deal with it after 😀 time will tell, I’ll probably follow the same pattern
Hi Lisa as i have a few in the public area most of my pictures are in private gallery.. But i think i do a good job of making my self look cute ha ha and if anyone from around this area or a family member was to see them they would out them self as looking in our area of the world he he .. Be careful and enjoy your pretty life as Lisa..
Stephanie
I wish, dream and think about posting pictures of “myself” as I really am but fear the backlash. Although I don’t always behave that way.
I don’t live near family other than my immediate family. So when they see me they see me as “they” know me. I have several (male) cousins that I know would re-coil if they saw “me”. As much as I love my family some are just too dimwitted to know or even begin to understand anything different from “being a man!”.
They too would be the ones to bully (no other word for it), my son as he’s not into sports, cars or any of that other stuff deemed “manly”. I would not want to subject him to this but would have his back if necessary, and with that bunch it could be.
In all honesty when I moved I did have all of this in mind. I didn’t want any of these influences (and worse in some cases), on my kids/family. Even today when I see people and they start telling me about this one did this, that one did that, we don’t talk to them anymore, well too bad for all of you. Nice seeing you and thanks for the cup of coffee!
Sorry, went off on a rant. But I think you all know what I mean here.
Love and hugs,
Rebecka!You have a good start in that your SO and a friend is onside. Clearly if you are comfortable in yourself, and this is going to be a part of you in the future, the the logical step is to move forward and to achieve this there will be those you wish to tell and see Lisa.
Firstly, pictures. You and those that know can see the person behind the female image. If you post wisely what are the chances of someone you know seeing it. Why would they be looking in the first place? Even if it came up randomly among others it wouldn’t register as they don’t know and it isn’t the image they would ordinarily see. This is a fear that is real but quite small in reality.
Secondly, is society less accepting? You are from the U.K. and if you read the press it isn’t good for us. In general they are very accepting, I know from experience. Yes there are those that do not like it and some places to steer clear of but in over thirty years, from tentative steps to being out regularly, I have had nothing but acceptance and very very rare cases of being ‘called out’, none of these caused any real issues and, interestingly, they were from the younger generation and male Yes females do tend to be more accepting and so are quite a few men too. I have been out and been within feet of a unknowing friend or colleague and they haven’t even noticed. Again, if you are careful, it isn’t a fear that should stop you going to the next level. It’s natural to be that way but given time it will rescind itself.
Thirdly, The ‘hang it all’ attitude. That says you may rush it. Don’t. Take your time and, as I am sure you do, talk with your SO and friend to see if they are comfortable and plan ahead together.
Looking at your pictures you look great and the only comment I would make, and please take this as friendly advice, look for a more natural wig to suit you as that will make your appearance even better than it already is. I had a eureka moment when a friend directed me to a wig stylist who did her magic. I was okay before but it took things to the next level.
With planning, care and time it will become easier as you develop that female identity.
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Lisa,
It’s a balancing act for many of us, balancing a desire for acceptance and a sense of belongingness with a fear of being “outed” in such a way that we lose control of our lives and our a connection to many people. Many outside of our community won’t understand. For now, I’ll not show my face (I stink at makeup anyway).I do want that sense of belonging, but just in here and someday I hope for a one-on-one to dress with another CD. My SO would NOT be accepting (my kids would), but in my career field, crossdressing would not go over well.
So glad you are here.
Jackie
Part of the problem with crossdressing is that it is just flat confusing to a lot of people. I mean I have been crossdressing in some fashion for almost 40 years and I’m confused by it. If I am confused by it, what in the world are others supposed to think about it? It seems easier for people to understand being gay, or even effeminate gay men and butch lesbians. However, trying to understand why a straight cis man finds joy/pleasure in wearing womens clothes and presenting themselves as female is just difficult for some people to wrap the brain around. I don’t know that many of them are intentionally biggoted toward crossdressers, but they just can’t comprehend why we do it.
When I am asked about some of the things that I do, my best answer is because I like it. That answer in and of itself should be sufficent, but it is still a struggle for me to understand why it is that I like it so much. I have always said no one would choose to be like this. It’s not a decision that I made. Life would generally have been easier and with less stress if I was not like this. But that’s just not my reality.
I agree with this post totally
Hi Lisa, you look amazing, your body is completely hairless, as it appears your face is as well, you have a nice pedicure on nice looking feet, your hands aren’t large… If I was shown the picture of you in the red dress I wouldn’t know it wasn’t a woman in a red dress. Go forth as yourself and don’t worry, you’ve got it made girl!
Hugs,
Lauren M
Lisa, The question you posed (“why have i such a numbing fear of people knowing who i am“) is a fear that many, many crossdressers have experienced. You are far from alone. CD’s are doing something that is outside of society’s accepted norms and when this occurs members of society can react in a number of ways, some very nicely, some by avoiding the person/issue and some by making threats. We and others acting outside of society’s norms will never, ever be accepted by everyone. We just have to accept it and move on. There are many reasons to be fearful – loss of a marriage/relationship, loss of a job, loss of friends, alienation from family members and public ridicule. Your fears are not unfounded. You have already come out to two people & as time goes on you will probably find a few more. Be happy that they accept you and don’t worry about the rest.
I have been crossdressing all my life but only started going out in public en femme 2 months ago. I came out to 2 people I know yesterday and will only tell another 3 or 4 acquaintances in the future. I will never tell the majority of people I know for a variety of different reasons but I am comfortable with that.
As for pictures, I have none posted here. On another CD site I have posted a few but only for members to see, not the general public. That is my comfort level, you need to feel comfortable with your picture posting choices. If you’re not, don’t post them.
Take care,
Fiona
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