Advice on Baby Steps

[Kayla Smith]

Hey girls,

It has been a while since I last posted, and I’ve done a lot of experimentation and soul searching.

For background, I am 26 years old and trying to figure out what I identify as. In years prior, I considered myself just a crossdresser, but in the last year I have come to realize that my feminine feelings run deeper. I’ve realized I am likely bisexual, and possibly trans.

In my exploration, I’ve begun to be myself more out in the world or at work. But only to a certain degree. I’ve taken very slow baby steps at work with wearing the occasional clip on earring, curling my now shoulder length hair, wearing metal hair clips, and wearing very low heeled ankle boots.

With all that, I feel that I’ve stagnated in my exploration, as if there is nowhere else to go except pulling the bandaid off and wearing something blatantly feminine.

I bought some boots with a 2.5 inch heel that is definitely noticeably feminine, but I am too scared of backlash and repercussions. My immediate coworkers support me, but I am concerned for how my other peers will treat me.

I feel like once I wear something feminine, it isn’t something you can ever take back. The genie can’t go back in the bottle. People will look at me differently from then on.

All that being said, do y’all have any ideas for other baby steps I could do to inch my way towards wearing heeled boots to work? Anything that would help me work up some more confidence and get a gauge of what my coworkers think before making the leap?

Thanks,

Kayla Charlotte

[J J]

The logically way to me is to spend more time en femme away from work to explore and discover more about yourself. It is much easier to reverse things if you feel you went to far, and also helps make yourself more comfortable in your feminine persona if that is the way you go in life. If you truly feel more trans then you can explore that aspect more. If it truly is you, then you can more confidently come out at work. If you truly feel there is a significant chance you are trans, working with a counselor might be very helpful.

[Kayla Smith]

Thank you for the advice! It makes a lot of sense.

Though in a weird way, after I wore some more feminine stuff (curled my hair, wore earrings) to work, I actually felt more confident out in public. As if it is the reverse of what you recommend. My mind basically said, if I feel confident with me coworkers then no one else matters.

But that being said, there is no obligation to people in public, only to my coworkers, so you’re right that it’s better for experimentation.

I have spent some time out in public, but now I feel like I have nothing to do but try and make myself happy at work as well.

[Meghan Brandice]

If I were you I would keep my personal gender life totally private. You are correct! Once the cat is out of the bag or genie out of the bottle you can never, ever put it back. I know from experience, with behind the back gossip and innuendos . It’s due to the day or weeks trans- euphoria where you feel so feminine and delightful that you’ve just’ Got’ to tell the world. It rose up and bit him in the ass. I know of two or three crossdressers who went to their 50th high school reunion with their wives( boy what questions she must have been shredded with in the ladies room – poor woman! ) The CD thought it was great, everybody ( he surmised ) lived if , some men- jocks avoided him, and he said he had a great time But… here’s the rub ( Shakespeare ) moths and years down the road he with un graciously be referred to a  “that Queer jerk who came to our reunion in Drag”

His legend and legacy of how people knew him in high school and the “ shocking” forced reintroduction for 3 hours will change his reputation forever

Do NOT include co- workers who may not be there  in a year or two or even you- but your ‘Legend Lives On’ ☹️

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by Meghan Brandice.

[Kayla Smith]

I appreciate your response.

I am hoping that times have changed enough and I work with tolerant enough people to not end up as “that queer”.

I think if I am not trans, I am likely more non binary, so the crossdressing isn’t really a hobby. It’s more of how I’d like to present myself. So for the sake of being happy and not completely depressed for the rest of my life, I think there is no choice but to just be myself.

[Nora Smith]

I went to an all-boys Catholic high school. The jocks were unmerciful to many of the more effiminate boys, teasing, bullying and worse. There was one boy Keith who I vaguely remembered. At our 40th reunion (which I was unable to attend) Keith came as Kelly. She had totally transitioned. The joke of the evening (and probably one of the milder ones) is that our school had gone co-ed. A few years before this my wife and I were going into a restaurant and a very intoxicated transwoman came out yelling at the owner. She slurred, “You know what I am talking about Tom!” My wife looked at me curiously and said, “You know this person – how?” I didn’t have an answer. Nora was just a dream then. Must have been Kelly.

[Lauren Mugnaia]

Hi Kayla,

I am a trans woman, I have transitioned and live as a woman, legally a female. I’ve been dressing in private and public for a very long time. The time came for me to realize who I truly was, a trans woman who needed to live her life authentically. I transitioned where I work, but before that I notified my co workers that I was trans so they could get used to that fact. Once everyone was comfortable with who I was I made my debut at work as the woman I now live as.
So it seems to me that you would be a lot more comfortable, along with your co workers, if you let people know a bit about yourself before just showing up “in your feminine persona”…

Hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

[Angela Booth]

Kayla

I would say that all of us have gone through this period in our lives where we are asking so many questions about ourselves.  A long long time ago at your age I would never have dreamed of doing any of the things you have done as the world was not a nice place for us. I would hope that you are in a place that is more accepting and has a support network and venues – non seedy – that will embrace you, helping you through this time of questions. Take a look at your companies policies regarding LGBT rights. If they are favorable then have a chat with your H.R. If you have co workers who are supportive you are already half way there.

With baby steps you go along and occasionally fall over but always get up again until everything comes together. Go with what you feel comfortable with, do it with caution and your safety in mind, use whatever resources and friends you have for support. The main thing is that you are young so take your time. I wish you every success in finding yourself and have a blast on the journey.

 

[Brianna Bay]

Jump in, rip the bandaid off, as time passes, people will have other thing to move onto

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