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Hey everyone I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I’m struggling to figure out where I fit in when I dress it feels like more of a fetish then feeling like a woman did anyone else start out felling like this did it go away I want to just feel like a woman with out the sexual component has anyone else ever dealt with this feeling
Relax and enjoy. From what I can see in your profile your kind of new to this and your young so sexual arousal is quite normal so when you dress and this happens, take matters into your own hands so to speak and move on and enjoy the feminine feelings of the rest of it. As you become more experienced you will probably finds this happens less. Do you still live with your parents? If so your kind of being sneaky doing this and have limited time probably so this adds to the tension and excitement, that probably arouses you too. Relax, enjoy and explore, I still enjoy the sexual side to this and I’m 57.
Emily,
Well, it may just be a fetish if that is what it feels like. Many here won’t admit it, but I’m sure it works that way for many girls like us. I have been dressing on and off for over 50 years, and it has always had a sexual connotation for me…until recently. I worked on my look, lost weight, trying to figure out if Haley is who I’ve become, or if this is still just a fetish and she’s trying to hook up. I will say this, when you stop overthinking it and just enjoy Emily, and let her be the girl she wants to be, you will figure it out😉 There is no wrong answer to the question…
Haley😘
Hiya
It used to confuse me totally when I was younger – I didn’t know what made me want to dress, but it wasn’t for the sake of getting excited, yet that’s what happened.
So for many years, I wondered if it was just a fetish, all the while, a part of me knowing it was more than that – and wanting the arousal bit to go away so I could just enjoy being dressed.
The first time I went out dressed, I was 27, and the feeling was totally different – that was what I had been looking for – a totally relaxed feeling, yet excited in a social way, feeling very different about myself, and really happy with it.
I’d say, stay away from sexy lingerie and outer garments, and try plain cotton briefs with a sensible dress, makeup and wig, then go out shopping, like to a drive-through or something, and see how you feel. Or try a country walk.
It’s a totally non sexual rush (but it takes a bit of building up to – baby steps!).
Love Laura
I think it’s different for everyone. For some it is just a fetish others transition and live their lives as women. Take it slow, you will learn over time what’s right for you. You don’t need to decide anything just do what you enjoy. To be honest I’m still not sure, it’s a work in progress but over time I’m figuring it out. I suggest you take your time , read the forums here on cdh they are littered with origin stories from people on every end of the spectrum. I found them helpful and I think you will too, because what you’ll realize is you aren’t alone many people started out the same as you. Unfortunately, no one can crawl inside your head and tell you what you are or what you should do. Just do what makes you happy and remember you don’t need to define yourself nor should anyone define you.
Emily hello and welcome. when I started to wear tight in a school play I knew I was suppose to be a girl but with a extra part. HAHA. my cross dressing did go away for many years and then came back and never left. the more I dress up the better I feel. I have now accumulated more female stuff then wife and seem to wear them more then she does. my wife knows of my hobby as I will call it. when there is no other adult child home , wife will tell me I can do what I like to do. but wife will not help with make up, but that’s OK i have learned how to apply eye shadow pretty good. just I need practice on cover up and foundation to make my face more female look. wife has seen me dressed up and even getting dressed up, but only for a few min to tell me something then she leaves my room. wish she would be more excepting and let me sit in same room and talk like 2 woman. but maybe in time. for me dressing up I feel depressed free, no panic attacks and feel like a woman I should be. wearing nylons and bra is a priceless feeling. wearing a dress is great feeling and a different look in life. I love wearing what society calls female cloths for it feel good and fits better. the smell of perfume and the dangle of the ear rings, the wind blowing though the nylons legs. the sound of the heels on floor. when all dressed up pretty and looking in the mirror I see a different person and I am also different in personality. so go ahead and enjoy the feminine side of you and enjoy life when dressed up. you only life once { Y.O.L.O.}
Hi Emily.
For each of us it is different, no two are exactly the same, even if we all go through the same stages, and have similar experiences.
For me, it has never been a sexual thing, more a calming, comfortable in my skin, thing.
As was suggested, dress just as a pretty girl, not sexy, but classy, and see how that makes you feel? It makes me excited, no matter how I dress, as long as I am feminine, I have very little desire to transition, but I love to be, the woman I am
Just my thoughts.
Hugs, Regi💕As Haley said, there are no wrong answers. At that point in my life I would’ve loved the chance to do this, and it would’ve been very sexual in nature. Where I am now, it’s just a part of who I am. Not the totality, but a part. I looked at your profile, and noticed you live where I grew up, so I feel at least some kinship, not that I’ve lived there for a long time now. It will always be “back home” though.
To your question, it is what it is, and only you can find the answers you seek, and only through testing the waters as it were, and seeting how you feel. It likely will change over time, and almost certainly will never go away, but get stronger.
Bridgette
Hi Emily,
Being a CD can be very confusing, to ourselves as well as to others. We have a sexual identity (plumbing and to whom we are attracted), and a gender identity (how we see ourselves in our mind’s eye). When the two aren’t the same, the confusion begins, and it can take years, or even decades to resolve the conflict and be at peace with yourself. (I did it in just a couple of years; but I was 80 when the Pink Fog overwhelmed me). Without the sexual component to distract me, I was soon able to connect with my inner girl….but many girls here, much younger than I, have done the same; so hang in there, talk with us, and ask for help whenever you think you need it. We are all here for you.
Hugs,
BettylouYour emotions and feelings are going to change many times over the years as you progress into accepting your second self.
At 5, the young girl I saw in the mirror after my sister dressed me that first time, was ME. There was nothing sexual or fetishistic about her and I, and I spent a huge mount of my time wanting and trying to capture her in my life, to be how she was in my head. Then came puberty. I’m not going to revue ‘The movie in health class’ that we all endured and laughed at some. Suffice to say we ALL know that subject.
As I matured into my early 20’s, I began to realize that being Paula was not just to go partying and carousing. It dawned on me one day, that I really did enjoy that one day last week that I stayed dressed, yet stayed in my apartment and cooked and cleaned and other things usually done in drab. Those days became more often within a short time of that realization and the yearning to find that girl lurking just at the edge of thoughts grew stronger.
Your Hope’s and desires to find ‘her’ will grow and recede at times, but they will never go totally away. Embrace ‘her’ each and every time she comes to the fore, carefully put her away when you don’t need her. Always remember, even if you never dress again. She will always be with you.
PaulaF
It’s a great question and, as the answers you’ve had already demonstrate, it’s quite an individual thing.
For me dressing started as a fetish or sexual thing, primarily because, as young men we are conditioned by society and images we see on the internet, it was easier to justify to my male mind. BUT it always felt wrong and left me feeling more dirty and confused.
Roll forwards a bit and I started to seek out support and I realised the negative feelings I had weren’t associated to dressing itself, it was more to do with the wrongful justification. I gradually introduced more and more femme into my life, until now where Didi is a fully embodied part of who I am. Yes I’m a sexy beehatch (she tells herself 😘) and I fully embrace that, but it’s no longer sexually driven, in fact, I now know it never has been.
You’ve got to travel your own journey to find out who you are and what drives you to do the things you do.
Didi💋
Emily…
Let me ask you this… Do women ever have sexual/sensual feelings?
If you answer ‘yes’ then you have your answer! Of course women are sexual creatures, yes, they have their own fantasies just like men though different!
Dressing can be fetish or not… depends on how you feel on the day. I am Polly and I’m a full time CD verging on transitioning and I feel sometimes for fetish play over and above my normal self… as does my wonderful wife!
If you answer ‘no’ then I think you should forget this foray into crossdressing and find some other outlet for your energies.Love Polly
Hi Emily,
When I fist started putting on women’s clothes they would excit me, and I would take things into my own hands. I would then take averything off and feel guilty.
So I started to stay dressed afterwords to see if it was just see or more. Turns out that yes the clothes excite me, but they also feel great on. The soft fabrics, snug fit, flow of a skirt the joy of walking in heels.
Now for me I get very excited at the thought of being able to dress, and love to get dressed for the entire day and go out for dinner or shopping. I don’t want to be a woman, but love to wear the clothes and feel them on my body.
I would say do what make you happy, and not worry about what is normal.
Paula
Hi Emily. Lots of good advice and suggestions. For me I never really considered the term fetish although i suppose looking back there were times where someone looking on might have thought it that. Often i never had the time i really wanted to enjoy being dressed sooo, I used my often quite limited time to get as much enjoyment (ok, pleasure) out of it as possible.
But when i had the time (and im referring to a period of several consecutive days…well to be honest that and other periods lasting a day or more) those have become the moments ive remembered as really the most relaxing and meaningful times.
It was because i could dress each day in something diifferent whether it was dresses, tees or camis or blouses and skirts or just a top and jeans. And because i also did lots of regular stuff like chores – washing, ironing, vacuuming, dishes, drinking wine while taking nice long baths with candles, and watching chick flicks and so on. i learned to just live when i could dress like i would in drab
I didnt need to rush anything or feel i had to get certain things done in a limited time. I mean certain desires didnt just magically disappear but i learned to dress AND enjoy the normal things . And if there was an excitement here or there it was because it was just a part of my life not the focus.
Its just something each of us has to explore on our own and hopefully come to a balance that makes and keeps the moments and experiences enjoyable. I hope you will find that balance too. You and we all deserve it.
Feelings, that is a tough subject on which to give advice. We may have very similar feelings about one aspect of cross-dressing or another, but it is very unlikely that any two of us share the exact same feelings.
I can’t say that I’ve ever seen any women’s clothes, shoes, etc. as a fetish. While sometimes there is a sexual aspect to my dressing, other times dressing up just makes me feel good. It is an escape from the real world. It helps me relax.
The one thing that has changed from when I first started dressing is that the more I dress, the more I want to be passable and experience the world from a woman’s perspective.
I’m sorry. I didn’t offer any advice. I hope that my comments help you in some way, Emily.
I’ve been more actively dressing for a few months now. This has helped decrease the sexual aspect for me. The sexual feelings are still there and I enjoy them very much. A lot of what was driving it was the shame and suppression of my feelings. That worked to convince my mind that CD for me was a sexual act. The more I do it, the less sexual it becomes. It turns into other things. Like others have said, don’t overthink it and have fun.
The one caution is if it becomes increasingly distressing to you or starts to have a negative impact into the other parts of your life you may want to consider to seeing a sex therapist (if able) to help you along your journey. Of note, I did see someone for myself. It was helpful.
Sivvi
Emily,
Like several others, I feel you should not overthink your feelings or be burdened by a concept that crossdressing has a standard. If you are not harming others or breaking laws by your behavior, you’re probably OK! Over the more-than 60 years of my CD, I’ve experience lots of doubts and concerns about my “goodness.” At some point I realized that my feminine inclinations did not undermine the loving, caring, and competent person that I am. There are so many harmful propensities and behaviors that disrupt relationships and productivity. While I certainly have struggled with my crossdressing, I have worked hard to keep it in perspective and lead an unselfish life focused on kindness and respect for others. Nevertheless, my crossdressing has been an outlet for the stress of the obligations and constraints of my life. After all these years, much of my CD behavior is more comforting than erotic. But . . . I cannot to this day slip on a pair of stiletto pumps without feeling some arousal. And, I can never feel really feminine without the pumps! So, guess what? I think this CD thing still has a sexual component. Is that a bad thing?
FAM
There is NOTHING wrong with the sexual feelings we all have, whether CD or T. We are still human after all and we experience emotions individually, to a greater or lesser degree than the next person in line. Embrace those feelings when you have them.
I was listening to a live recording of Chuck Berry, of all people, the other day. He quotes his father, a Baptist minister, on the lead in to “My Ding-A-Ling” , saying, “There was nothing wrong with sex, it’s just the way that you handle it you see.”
PaulaF
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