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I saw something posted in another forum that peaked a thought in my head that I have been grappling with.
More often now, I really wish I lived alone, and were “free” to do the things I want to do. This would however come at great cost, both socially (with immediate family) and financially.
I would so miss my family, kids. I don’t know what they would think were I to leave. I’d of course have to move out, and affording a place around here is impossible. I feel so trapped at times and really don’t have much of a relationship right now, with my SO. We are not intimate, she does not like me in my “current state”, of hybrid dressing and grooming, and our interests anymore seem very different. I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to be intimate (with her). I never even as much as touch her anymore, anywhere. She just does not like it. In the last week or so she has actually made attempts to touch me, rub my back or something, and I’d rather she did not. I don’t respond in any way. I don’t know what she might think of that.
I just don’t know what to do at this point, where I would go were I too leave, and I don’t want to create a lot of havoc for the family (3 grown kids). It’s selfish of me I realize, but I don’t know what to do with myself any more.
Thanks for listening.Becka
It depends on what you think the problem is. You have to identify it and seek help we’re not qualified to give as sisters online. If you want to restore intimacy then you and your SO need counseling to reach rapprochement on both your needs. If you want to go the separate bedrooms, separate lives but still married route, then you need help working on that.
I’m sure you can count on us for moral support as you go but you have to do the hard work out there in RL.
My two cents
Hugs & kisses,
W.I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this hun, this is abslutely a place where you can turn to. A lot of us, myself included struggle with wanting to be more out but fear of loosing friends and family relationships holds us back. In my case I’m confident that the people who are important to me would still accept and love me, but I suspect they would forever see me differently and I’m not sure I want that. As far as your relationship, I can kind of relate there to. My wife and I are rarely intimate and I’m not sure why. First she wasn’t interested and now I’m not. We have both reached an age where horomones are naturally lacking so I’m content to attribute it to that.
I share all this to let you know that you are not alone, you have friends here who care. I completely agree with the others who have suggested counseling. If your wife is not open to it, maybe just for you first and let that lead to couples counseling. The suggestion of couples counseling might appeal more to her if it comes from a professional.
Hugs and happiness to you,
💖Lola
Becka,
I hope you reach out to a professional counselor. CD, transgender life, and relationships can get complicated at times. I am a GG and I remember in the beginning how hard things were…..one of the kids had a health crisis too during that time. To say it was hard would be an understatement. We worked through it. Intimacy has peaked and fallen and peaked again. My partner dresses at least partially daily now that the kids are out of the house. Was it easy..no. We both struggled. BUT I am glad now that we worked it out. Not saying that will happen for you just want to tell you that there is hope….together or separate, and encourage you to get counseling, ideally together and individually. I do know that is pricey but happiness is worth it.
Hugs to you, Badgergal
Sorry to hear of your plight, Becka. As others have already said counseling is the best way to start, for yourself and the both of you together. I know for me I will and have compromised on my CD for the kids AND in my head and heart I will always be married to my X.
You need to find out where you need to go for yourself and for your family specially the kids.Best of luck to you and we are all here to listen!!
. Cassie
I am also sorry to here of your trouble. I am not there but certainly could be as many here. I see that your wife is making a effort by initiating some contact so she does have some love for you and you have your children to consider as well as the rest of the family that certainly love you. The cost to you loosing your family I can’t measure. Just me talking not in your shoes but I would try to work things out and try and rekindle a relationship with your wife I know it may be hard but worth the work. I hope things work out and you can reach a compromise if that is the right way to put it between you Becca and your wife where you can be happy. I am here to talk chat pm whatever you may need.sorry if I have overstepped my bounds. Debbie
The Two words that come to mind are Compromise & Communication– Communication should actually come first–You can’t compromise if you don’t communicate–& if this doesn’t work–your kids are grown–Starting over without young children IS possible–
Becka –
I’m sorry to hear of your plight. It is not an easy life we live at times.
As others have suggested therapy could be helpful. My wife suggested therapy shortly after I came out to her and I have found it to be very helpful. We also have intimacy issues but they were present, before my dressing came out, due to medical issues.
I ‘m sorry you’re going thru this.
XOXO
SuzanneSometimes people become so wounded that they choose to become distant and removed from the offender. Sometimes it’s just because of something that was said. Or an act of indifference to something that was important. Identifying the triggering event gets you started on letting down the defensive shield.
Just my thoughts for what it’s worth.
I feel your pain our hearts desires family dressing all so hard to incorporate together if spouse is being a blank . There’s no real answer short of long sit down and explaining to her your true feelings and asking for understanding. Mine doesn’t so I have to do discreet until the next time she bust me . Then who knows. I only know I want to dress because I’m happy . Shouldn’t be crime
Becka
My advice depends on what you want. If you want a relationship with your wife whether it be intimate or just friendship you must give what you want to receive. If she makes an effort you in return need to make an effort. One person doesn’t make a relationship. It takes both partners working together to build just a friendship. And I suggest you start there. Try and be interested in each other and the things you both enjoy. You got married so you must have enjoyed her at some point. Try and remember why you liked her to begin with. The intimate side will take care of itself if the relationship is there.
And if you don’t want a relationship then it maybe time to explore the other options. Unfortunately divorce is quit common and sometimes necessary to find the happiness you and your wife both deserve.
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