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  • #686497
    Registered On: January 7, 2017
    Topics: 104
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    I saw something posted in another forum that peaked a thought in my head that I have been grappling with.

    More often now, I really wish I lived alone, and were “free” to do the things I want to do. This would however come at great cost, both socially (with immediate family) and financially.

    I would so miss my family, kids. I don’t know what they would think were I to leave. I’d of course have to move out, and affording a place around here is impossible. I feel so trapped at times and really don’t have much of a relationship right now, with my SO. We are not intimate, she does not like me in my “current state”, of hybrid dressing and grooming, and our interests anymore seem very different. I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to be intimate (with her). I never even as much as touch her anymore, anywhere. She just does not like it. In the last week or so she has actually made attempts to touch me, rub my back or something, and I’d rather she did not. I don’t respond in any way. I don’t know what she might think of that.

    I just don’t know what to do at this point, where I would go were I too leave, and I don’t want to create a lot of havoc for the family (3 grown kids). It’s selfish of me I realize, but I don’t know what to do with myself any more.
    Thanks for listening.


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    • #686700
      Michelle Burk
      Registered On: August 22, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 45
      Has thanked: 86 times
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      I feel your pain our hearts desires family dressing all so hard to incorporate together if spouse is being a blank . There’s no real answer short of long sit down and explaining to her your true feelings and asking for understanding. Mine doesn’t so I have to do discreet until the next time she bust me . Then who knows. I only know I want to dress because I’m happy . Shouldn’t be crime

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686696
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 104
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      Thank you to everyone one of you! You are all wonderful!

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686640
      Lara Tucker
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1180
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      I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this!
      I will be echoing others that suggest counseling. I think some professional help would be very beneficial before you make permanent decisions.

      Big hugs,



      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686628
      Roberta Broussard
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 405
      Has thanked: 5334 times
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      Sometimes people become so wounded that they choose to become distant and removed from the offender. Sometimes it’s just because of something that was said. Or an act of indifference to something that was important. Identifying the triggering event gets you started on letting down the defensive shield.

      Just my thoughts for what it’s worth.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686615
      Suzanne Martin
      Registered On: January 8, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 327
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      Becka –

      I’m sorry to hear of your plight.  It is not an easy life we live at times.

      As others have suggested therapy could be helpful.  My wife suggested therapy shortly after I came out to her and I have found it to be very helpful.  We also have intimacy issues but they were present, before my dressing came out, due to medical issues.

      I ‘m sorry you’re going thru this.


      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686588
      Jane Don
      Registered On: March 4, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 123
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      The Two words that come to mind are Compromise & Communication– Communication should actually come first–You can’t compromise if you don’t communicate–& if this doesn’t work–your kids are grown–Starting over without young children IS possible–

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #686641
        Jane Don
        Registered On: March 4, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 123
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        starting over would mean you may not have as much money (Remember no young children means No child support) – sometimes happyness is more important than Money-

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #686581
      Debbie Burns
      Registered On: February 19, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 82
      Has thanked: 217 times
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      I am also sorry to here of your trouble. I am not there but certainly could be as many here. I see that your wife is making a effort by initiating some contact so she does have some love for you and you have your children to consider as well as the rest of the family that certainly love you. The cost to you loosing your family I can’t measure. Just me talking not in your shoes but I would try to work things out and try and rekindle a relationship with your wife I know it may be hard but worth the work. I hope things work out and you can reach a compromise if that is the right way to put it between you Becca and your wife where you can be happy. I am here to talk chat pm whatever you may need.sorry if I have overstepped my bounds. Debbie

    • #686567
      Cassie Jayson
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 69
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      Sorry to hear of your plight, Becka. As others have already said counseling is the best way to start, for yourself and the both of you together. I know for me I will and have compromised on my CD for the kids AND in my head and heart I will always be married to my X.
      You need to find out where you need to go for yourself and for your family specially the kids.

      Best of luck to you and we are all here to listen!!

      . Cassie

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686550
      Registered On: December 27, 2016
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 76
      Has thanked: 19 times
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      I hope you reach out to a professional counselor. CD, transgender life, and relationships can get complicated at times. I am a GG and I remember in the beginning how hard things were…..one of the kids had a health crisis too during that time. To say it was hard would be an understatement. We worked through it. Intimacy has peaked and fallen and peaked again. My partner dresses at least partially daily now that the kids are out of the house. Was it easy..no. We both struggled. BUT I am glad now that we worked it out. Not saying that will happen for you just want to tell you that there is hope….together or separate, and encourage you to get counseling, ideally together and individually. I do know that is pricey but happiness is worth it.

      Hugs to you, Badgergal

    • #686529
      Lola Caprice
      Registered On: May 26, 2021
      Topics: 11
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      I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this hun, this is abslutely a place where you can turn to.  A lot of us, myself included struggle with wanting to be more out but fear of loosing friends and family relationships holds us back.  In my case I’m confident that the people who are important to me would still accept and love me, but I suspect they would forever see me differently and I’m not sure I want that.  As far as your relationship, I can kind of relate there to.  My wife and I are rarely intimate and I’m not sure why.  First she wasn’t interested and now I’m not.  We have both reached an age where horomones are naturally lacking so I’m content to attribute it to that.

      I share all this to let you know that you are not alone, you have friends here who care.  I completely agree with the others who have suggested counseling.  If your wife is not open to it, maybe just for you first and let that lead to couples counseling.  The suggestion of couples counseling might appeal more to her if it comes from a professional.

      Hugs and happiness to you,


      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686521
      Nikki Just Nikki
      Registered On: September 29, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 62
      Has thanked: 526 times
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      Couples counseling ideally, individual counseling at a minimum. Get help to identify options that you not be able to see in your present state. I know it feels hopeless right now, but there’s always a way through, sometimes we just need some extra guidance. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #686512
      J J
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 313
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      I would highly suggest couples counseling, but single session if she won’t go. You have some major issues you need to work through, and while you will find great support here, I really feel you would benefit from,professional help since you are poised to such such a major life change.


      Good luck

    • #686501
      Wanda Ovahear
      Registered On: October 19, 2022
      Topics: 6
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      It depends on what you think the problem is. You have to identify it and seek help we’re not qualified to give as sisters online. If you want to restore intimacy then you and your SO need counseling to reach rapprochement on both your needs. If you want to go the separate bedrooms, separate lives but still married route, then you need help working on that.

      I’m sure you can count on us for moral support as you go but you have to do the hard work out there in RL.

      My two cents

      Hugs & kisses,

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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