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    • #161975

      <p dir=”ltr”>Hello from OKC. I started dressing less than a year. I don’t really know what started it but I ended up liking  it. I am married to a woman to whom I did tell about my crossdressing. She seemed a little taken back at first but seemed okay with it after a few questions that she had. Then one day she found some pictures of me then I take it myself on my computer. All of a sudden she had a big problem with it. I kept saying but I told you about this, and she would reply but I didn’t know to what extent. She associated it with cheating because she would say there is no way you took the time and effort to get dressed like that just for yourself. I love my wife very very dearly and do not want a divorce as we have been married  17 years. However I feel if I continue to cross-dress that will be the outcome. Also if I stop I might be miserable for the rest of my life. Any comments or suggestions please</p>

    • #161989
      Anonymous

      I suspect the vast majority of crossdressers do it for themselves, even though the reasons may vary hugely.  The only way forward is to talk: let her know your love for her and apologise for causing her this stress.    You need to understand why she has a problem with it and try to see where she is coming from.   Even if you can assure her that you only dress for yourself she may still feel that she is no longer needed and has been replaced by this “other woman”.  Don’t get defensive as that may come across as you are hiding something.   Talk to her & take things slowly.

      *hugs* Jasmine

       

      PS. As you may know there is a private group for wives & partners here.   She might find some support and answers there.   Although be wary, saying that you have been on a site with lots of other crossdressers might cause more suspicion!  (Note to the powers that be:  is that a group that can be fully accessed by non-paying members?  It might be worth making an exception for a useful supportive group like that.)

       

    • #162032
      Anonymous

      Thanks for sharing you are in a tough predicament one thing I do know is you wanting to dress up and be feminine never goes away I thought it was over for me did not dress for 25 years but I can’t get enough of being feminine I just don’t get to do it enough I wish I could give you better advice but all the women on this website are so sweet and supportive they are going to help good luck jasmine

    • #162176

      First of all: welcome, Sara, both to the lifestyle and to the community.  You’ll find nothing but support and sympathy here.

      Second: this may be stepping out of line, and if so I sincerely apologize, but the fact that your wife jumped to the conclusion you were cheating is troubling and points to serious trust issues.  Granted, you’ve just given her a hell of a shock with your confession, and granted, you must look pretty damn good to provoke that sort of response.

      It’s important to be aware that spouses/SOs, even when they mean well, can sometimes have a kneejerk reaction that is something akin to jealousy when they hear of/see their man’s dressing.  She may be threatened by what, for lack of a better term, she has to define as the “other woman” even if that other woman is only the man who loves and has been faithful to her.  It’s a complicated issue, and if I’m honest a big part of the reason I’ve avoided romantic entanglements for most of my life until Cupid pierced my left lung over a gorgeous and supportive t-girl in Michigan.

      I’m rambling and I apologize.  Suffice to say there are many here who have been through and feel your pain.  Lean on their support, advice, and encouragement.  And know that even those of us who don’t fully understand sympathize with your plight.

    • #162183

      Hi Sara,there is a group on CDH called  for the wives and significant others i am shure that would be a good place for your wife to gain knowledge & understanding if she is willing to give it a try.It,s a slow process and very complex ,good luck on your’e journey. Py xx

    • #162271
      Anonymous

      Woof! What a place to be.

      Talk to her! Talk to your wife, and talk to a professional counselor, someone who knows their stuff and can help out your relationship with your wife. I can’t stress this enough!

      My own wife thought it was disingenuous given I’d spend more time dressing up and taking pics for myself, but then less energy in looking nice and sharing sexy pictures with her. It’s also disingenuous in hiding it, or feeling like you’re hiding something. Can’t say if any of that really relates just how we’ve found a good common ground with it. The result being I send her sexy pics of her man and surprise her with gifts more often, or at least I try to (gifts like acts of service/ cleaning the house/ flowers/ whatever).

      Case specific advise is touchy, I’m not a professional here so I can’t give any out (not like I know and I’m withholding, I just truly can’t say), but what I can say is talk with your wife! Have her state her fears and anxieties, make sure you listen and understand, then address as best you can.

      I dress up for myself and my wife sees it’s a positive thing in my life. I actually had a handful of pictures posted on this website but to be honest I got self conscious about them all and removed them. I have a folder of dozens of pics, but they’re kinda just for me. That’s okay, no one here is gonna judge me one way or the other, just make sure your wife knows where you sit with it.

      Good luck!

    • #162287

      Welcome Sara!

    • #162405
      Kayla
      Managing Ambassador

      Thanks Sara,

      It is great you are reaching out and looking for ways to work on the relationship with your wife.
      I’m a GG and I can understand both sides. I’m sure the pictures of you dressed might have got your wife off guard. Some of us can’t believe the transformation that we see when “our man” is dressed in femme. I was baffled at first about the crossdressing. Why would a man want to spend all of that time getting dressed up, makeup, hip pads, breast forms and so on and especially if he isn’t going anywhere? I know how much effort this takes as I have to get made up daily as a woman and many times in the past I had no desire. The last thing I want to do is take pics of myself. I think the reaction your wife could have been a first time reaction to seeing you dressed and the pics and caught her by surprise. I think reassurance that you love and are committed to her would be a good start if you haven’t already communicated that to her. Communication is so important in our relationships.
      I will say since being involved with a crossdresser it has made me take a look at the way I present myself as a woman.

      As someone mentioned here we do have a Significant Other group if your wive is interested in talking with others in a similar situation for support.

      I wish you the best in this journey and hope it brings you and your wife closer than ever.
      Hugs,
      Kayla

    • #162444
      Jackie
      Lady

      Welcome and you will bet thru these dark times. Keep the faith and time will heal her concerns.

    • #164157
      Gwenn Liefde
      Baroness

      Hi Sara,

      As a GG, I appreciated that my husband would talk to me, give me space to work things out and sort out my feelings. To be open to answering questions when I had them, while trying to keep an openmind when I might not have phrased something as good as I could have. Letting me get comfortable with all this and not pushing too hard.  He knew me well enough to know that’s what I needed and I have become very accepting of him now.

      Honesty, Communication, Patience, Time, Understanding and Love are needed to sustain any relationship. Remember she’s just lost some trust in you, your idendity is changing, and she needs time to process that.  Figuring out ways to bring her in, letting her know she can be a partner in this might help? I hope that helps in some small way, there is no “one size fits all” solution. I hope you both find your way together.

      Love, Gwenn

    • #164296
      Deanna Lund
      Duchess

      Since she knows about your CD why don’t you two have a makeover night together? She’ll see and participate in your hobby and you might get some tips.

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