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  • #406730
    Anna Beth
    Participant
    Registered On: July 8, 2020
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 26
    Has thanked: 223 times
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    Ok here it is I came out to my wife 5 months ago after she find my bras and breast forms. The first few day was a little rough, but she said she was ok with it. Which I thought she was. Tonight she told me she is worried that I was gay. I have told her before I cross dress does not mean that I’m gay.  I really don’t know why I have the desire to dress maybe because of my sister use to dress me up? Or I grown up with all girls? all I know is it helps me relax and I enjoyed it. What can I do to convince her that I’m straight? I have told her many times that I have no desire for men.  She said my clothes are more feminine then hers. I’m lost I really don’t know what to do or say, to convince her that I love her and only her which I told her that lots of times before.  Anyone been though this part of CD life? Advice? Thanks for reading and any help you can give.

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    • #412632
      Clare Cowley
      Participant
      Registered On: July 2, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 23
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      I had exactly the same thing happen, my ex thought I was gay when I told her 15+ years ago

      We since had 3 children and I have never been interested in the idea of being with men

      Even when we split ( she had a few affairs) she managed to bring in a reason for the split was because I was gay.

      It made no sense to me

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #412613
      SometimesLacey
      Participant
      Registered On: December 5, 2018
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 109
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      I honestly believe it’s because born females have had all their lives to try different types of feminine clothes, whereas we have only the time we snatch in private or are now lucky enough to be able to openly dress. It’s not like most of us have truly been able to express ourselves.

      ‘just my 2 penny worth

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #412522
      Anne-Marie
      Participant
      Registered On: August 26, 2018
      Topics: 4
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      This type of thing really does fry my brain. Why, upon discovering that a male enjoys wearing femanine styled clothing, do people automatically presume that he must be gay? ‘He’s trying to be female so must like men’ – utter tosh!!! It really is a simplistic conclusion, akin to a common sense conclusion – which normally means its good old nonsense. If people would just stop and apply a little grey matter, it should be fairly clear that a man in an intimate relationship with a woman would tend not to be gay. Most gay men seem to like and are themselves masculine, male type men. Why then (in general) would a gay man be in a heterosexual relationship with a woman. Of course he could be bisexual – no doubt some so called ‘cross-dressers’ are bi-sexual, but that wouldn’t make him gay either (because he would be a bi-sexual man). Perhaps we are all supposed to be lesbians, except, that for that to be true, we would all need to be women in which case we wouldn’t be so called ‘cross-dressers’ at all.

      Told you. It fry’s my brain!

      Take care girls.

      Anne-Marie.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #411028
      Cath N.
      Participant
      Registered On: June 18, 2020
      Topics: 2
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      The only thing you can do is proving your love and desire for her daily. She has a valid concern, based on what she considers crossdressers to be. I think this propably stems from lack of communication between the two of you. Have you made time for cding discussions? Have you volunteered to discuss what’s in both your heads? Have you offered therapy for both of you together? I read often that sometimes, when this comes out, men tend to do think that now that it’s out, there is no need to make things more uncomfortable by bringing it up, thinking that if it’s not discussed, then there won’t be any more damage than already has been done to the relationship. Can’t tell you how wrong this is. She has an idea of what crossdressers are and there is nothing to contradict that when she has no other credible info. And you don’t count as you are clearly biased. I would suggest you offer her help in doing her own independent research. Our private SO forum would be a good fit for her, if she would like to give us a try. Good luck!

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410845
      Celeste Starre
      Participant
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 26
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      That’s a spouse question that never made much sense to me.  Do you two have a sex life? If you do then the answer should be obvious to her.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #411026
        Cath N.
        Participant
        Registered On: June 18, 2020
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 49
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        I would like to remind you that during the dark years of humanity, when being gay was a crime, men were married and had sex with women regularly, fathering children. For a wife who has this concern, that is not proof.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410748
      Anna Beth
      Participant
      Registered On: July 8, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 26
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      Update I had talk her more about it. She told me she don’t want to know anything about it, she can’t think of me that way.  She needs her man so I respect that and won’t talk to her about my girly side.   At this moment we are doing good.  Thanks to everyone for your support.  Anna

      • #410830
        Cindy Lou
        Participant
        Registered On: November 18, 2020
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 106
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        Good luck Anna, I hope it works out for you, at least you have time on your side. Do the best you can to educate her, the two points she must learn about are; CDing does not mean you’re gay, and, your desire to CD will only increase over time. The first will help her not to be afraid of losing you to it, the second will basically tell her ‘This is who I really am, I need you to accept it’

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        • #410837
          Zoe North
          Participant
          Registered On: February 24, 2020
          Topics: 11
          Replies: 64
          Has thanked: 144 times
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          But what about the fact that the wife is also not gay!! Over & over I read on here to reassure the SO that the CD is not gay but constantly you overlook the fact that the SO is also not gay!
          I know my husband is not gay but I’m not gay either! I am attracted to my masculine male husband, I’m not attracted to a man with breast forms, hip pads & wearing a dress!

          6 users thanked author for this post.
          • #411119
            Anna Beth
            Participant
            Registered On: July 8, 2020
            Topics: 4
            Replies: 26
            Has thanked: 223 times
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            We are fine now she would like not to talk about my CD or see me in a dressed, and I am perfectly fine with that. It’s the same way that I wouldn’t want to see her dressed as a guy.  Our sex life is great have been married for 17 years+ I am a manly man after all.  I just enjoy dressing up.  If you ever meet me in person you will never know that I have a girl side.

            2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #410841
            Cindy Lou
            Participant
            Registered On: November 18, 2020
            Topics: 4
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            Dont feed the trolls.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #410871
            Zoe North
            Participant
            Registered On: February 24, 2020
            Topics: 11
            Replies: 64
            Has thanked: 144 times
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            What trolls?

            I’m just sharing my thoughts as the wife of a cross dresser!
            I’m here on CDH to try to understand & accept this side of my husband & hopefully save my marriage & keep my family together, not to troll!

            As you yourself said the urge to cross dress seems to get stronger as you get older and whilst I am not worried about losing my husband to another man, I am worried, as a heterosexual cis woman, of losing the ‘man’ I married to the woman he would prefer to be!

            Calling the wives & SO’s who come on here, to try to understand & at the same time offer their insight, ‘Trolls’ because they make a point you don’t like is not helpful!

          • #410881
            Cindy Lou
            Participant
            Registered On: November 18, 2020
            Topics: 4
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            Excuse me if troll seemed harsh, but this is not the first time you’ve tried to engage me this way and I honestly thought you just seemed like someone looking for an argument, which I am not. I don’t care for it and wont participate. I am entitled to my opinion as you are yours, I don’t want to debate it here with you.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #410884
            Zoe North
            Participant
            Registered On: February 24, 2020
            Topics: 11
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            I think you are confusing me with someone else as this is the first time I’ve had a conversation with you

            1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #410844
            Vanessa Harris
            Participant
            Registered On: July 7, 2020
            Topics: 11
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            Has thanked: 87 times
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            why are you calling her a troll? thats not trolling its how she feels.

             

             

            8 users thanked author for this post.
      • #410753
        Mika Malone
        Participant
        Registered On: November 11, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 146
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        What’s important is that the two of you are good. I hope y’all are able to find some kind of compromise that allows you to be girly when possible. I’ve read about a lot of SOs that let it happen as long as they don’t have to see it themselves. Take care and good luck.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #410764
          Anna Beth
          Participant
          Registered On: July 8, 2020
          Topics: 4
          Replies: 26
          Has thanked: 223 times
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          She dose give me time to be Anna so I can’t complain. I’m truly good with that I really have no desire to be a female full time.  I do enjoy my male side and a little female side.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410266
      Giselle Reeves
      Participant
      Registered On: September 27, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 125
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      my wife and i nearly divorced when i came out to her 10 yrs ago.

      a family emergency put a separation and eventual divorce on the back burner.

      since then she has become tolerant and comes to support events with me.

      however our sex life ended the day i told her.

      i wish you good luck.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410236
      Rei Durden
      Participant
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 552
      Has thanked: 3448 times
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      Anna, Even before I had come out to my wife, the subject of my interest/curiosity for the opposite sex had been openly and thoroughly discussed.
      When I did come out, and even still on occasion, she’s more concerned that I am not planning on transitioning (in the strictest sense of the term) than whether I find Brad Pitt insanely beautiful 🤩

      We’ve spent many hours together learning and seeking understanding this entire thing and I’ve had to do everything in my power to reassure her of my love and commitment and respect of the boundaries.

      The reasons behind the need to express ourselves in this manner may not matter in the end, but how we show up in our relationships on a day to day basis definitely matter.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410229
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 1517
      Has thanked: 2554 times
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      “Are you turning gay in your old age?” This, from my wife when I mentioned a desire to wear women’s clothes – and after 50-plus years of love and marriage.  GGs seem to believe that the only possible reason for doing so is to attract men; I don’t know why.  A few weeks after I told her, we had The Talk.  I assured her that I was straight, she was my one and only, and I still loved her as much as ever; but Dressing something I just had to do.  By offering to let her set the limits, she felt comfortable enough tolerate my Dressing, and in time, she has become accepting to the extent that we have gone out together for lunch and even a Girls’ Day Out for shopping.  I’m still her guy when she needs one, but she is comfortable with Bettylou much of the time, now.  It was probably a big help that she had previously come across the concept of getting in touch with one’s feminine side; don’t know from where or when, but I’m forever grateful for the concept.

      Bettylou

      • #410306
        Regine Rich
        Participant
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 13
        Replies: 230
        Has thanked: 2299 times
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        Thats so cool, Betty Lou. My wife actually watched a show on it, about a month before I told her about myself, so it made things so much smoother,and sweeter. She knew exactly what I was talking about
        Regine

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #407461
      Mandy Wife
      Participant
      Registered On: September 12, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 150
      Has thanked: 67 times
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      It seems to be quite a common instinctive reaction in us wives unfortunately – we can no better explain why as to you can explain why you dress, it’s just how it is.  If your wife found your forms and bras accidentally and had no inkling beforehand then her mind will have spiralled (naturally so).

      What can you do to convince her otherwise?  Truthfully?  Just love her and re-assure her and keep talking to her and asking her what she’s feeling and thinking as well as explaining as well.  Offer to do research together, look at books you can share and learn together so you can both find some peace, wherever that may end up.

      There is no overnight magic fix, it will take time, as Honey has said ,and see if she will join here as well so she can see that “being gay” is not the natural default for those who dress.

       

    • #406801
      Honey T
      Participant
      Registered On: October 19, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 38
      Has thanked: 14 times
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      I have no idea why we wives think this way. That was one of my biggest concerns when I found out about his feminine side. I’ve read all over this site & other books to become familiar with what cross dressing is & what it isn’t. I’d recommend Joining here to any significant other!
      it did take 5-6 months of  “research” before I felt I could let down my protective guard & just enjoy all the different facets of my husband.
      Good luck!

    • #406755
      Regine Rich
      Participant
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 230
      Has thanked: 2299 times
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      Hi Anna.
      My situation is a little different than yours, but, my wife has needed to hear “I Love YOU” several times a day, and be hugged and held, for a few minutes at least a few times a day, our whole long life together, she has always had issues of not being loveable since childhood, (whole lot of reasons there). So I have always had to make sure I show her just how much I do love her.
      Do you grab her and hug her as you walk past? Pat her bum occasionally? are you sexually active? And above all, just out of the blue say I love you?
      just my input, but usually actions speak louder, and reach deeper than words.
      and, maybe seak a good counselor, for you both?

    • #406748
      Jane Borden
      Participant
      Registered On: February 7, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 21
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      Many years ago, I came out to my wife (girlfriend then) on the basis of my liking lingerie. We had a few sessions of using lingerie but it was not her thing and I said no more.

      So in the following years I began to see an escort who encouraged me to dress up with her, and this satisfied my crossdressing fetish/sexual needs. I felt very guilty but did not want to re-open my crossdressing desire with my wife.

      Some years afterwards, my daughter discovered some photos of me dressed en femme on an USB stick that she wanted to use for her home work.

      Shocked, she told my wife who freaked out and told me to get out of the house that day.  She made me promise to see a psychologist; which I did but with no effect.

      For a year I lived apart from my family-continuing to see a crossdressing friendly escort.

      We were reconciled, but mainly because she became ill with cancer and I looked after her in the final months of her life.

      It was a difficult time.

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