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Hi, Carolyn, good question. Personally, I don’t think you should ever consider yourself too old to transition. It’s your life which means there are really more important things to consider. And even though it is expensive, it’s still less than the cost of a home (which we buy and then sell), or a luxury car which only lasts 5-10 years, or the college education of one!!! of your possible children. What turns out to be important is the value you put on those intangible things – family, spouse, children, career. At 20, the costs do look insurmountable, but choosing to get married and then raise a family, buying those cars, that house, saving for your kids education, all those costs are a lot more than what you would have spent to transition. And now you are dramatically changing what you feel is important, all those expenses suddenly (yes, by the time you reach 50, they were sudden) take precedence over something that your loved ones may feel only benefits you. Of course, this is just ‘wonderful’ advice from an aging transgendered person. And looking back now on my life and where it’s taken me, would I give up 3 children and 4 grandchildren? And all those lives they have affected for the better? Tough questions. Maybe if sites like this had existed, or being trans wasn’t considered some kind of perversion at that time, maybe things would have been different. Don’t let age be the stopping argument; it’s how badly do you want it, how much are you willing to sacrifice to do it. I’ve learned one thing in life, everything comes with a cost. It comes down to how much are you willing to take on.
Chloe, you brought up so many things that anyone of us have to take into account. The longer you wait the more your life adds things that may hold you back. Wife, children, friends, status in society, job, and so on. All these have to be taken into account as you try to satisfy your need to be whole. It is a personal decision that is different for everyone. Thank you for your letter.
I would say from a physical health point of view you should do it before you’re 40. Transitioning is very hard on the body, you’re taking away the hormones your body thinks it should have and supplementing female hormones which causes a great deal of stress especially on your heart. I know this from personal experience, I had a heart attack at 48 afterward I was talking to a psychologist about transitioning and she flat out told me to forget it, they wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole.
I know that transition would never be my choice because it is not what I need. But if life has taught us anything, it’s that each of us is equally worthy and our needs have to be met by our own unique and special choices. I would support the journey of anyone who wants to become the person they need to fulfill their dreams.
FAM
One final thought. As you all can probably imagine, my favorite movie of all time is, It’s A Wonderful Life. One thing I don’t think we transgendered people take into account when we’re considering transitioning is that if we are already outgoing, caring, compassionate people, ready to help others in need, ready to put ourselves out there, and we have this huge conflict raging within us at the same time, imagine how much better we can be in all those things to others if we take that step and finally feel right and at peace with ourselves! Maybe it shouldn’t be, I want this because of me, maybe it should be I want this because of what I will now be capable of being to others.
As an old medic, I don’t think it’s possible to assign a fixed age limit for everyone considering SRS. However, ANY surgery after age 60 carries higher risk, and considering the timeline for such, and the cost/benefit ratio, I would estimate age 50 as the maximum for most.
HRT is more dependent on health than age, and I can see no upper age limit, per se. Even considered it for myself, but my primary care doctor would never approve.If you need it, can afford it and are sufficiently healthy then go for it. The medical aspects get more challenging as one ages. I’m not sure of the emotional parts. I find I’m better able to cope with change and accept myself as I am as I age. However, I have many friends that I have known for over 40 years and have been married to the best person I have ever met for 41 years. Fear of destroying those relationships is the strong impediment for me. Being married and retired financial security would be at risk if something happens to the marriage for both of us.
Age by itself shouldn’t be a barrier.
I am not surprised that the overwhelming response is “never too old”. I responded in kind. I’m sure we all feel that if someone is suffering from gender dysphoria, why should age, a number, be a determining factor in whether they can do something about transitioning and being happy for the remainder of their lives. Of course, as we advance in age, our bodies become less able to handle the rigors of GRS so the true restraint is their physical condition which is interrelated to one’s age. Making a denial on the basis of just a number, should not be the criterion.
I agree with you and CholeC it is a personal decision I put 40 because i think it would help to be a little younger to have better chance to recover (heal) and for you to enjoy it a a woman. But I do think you are never to old to really get it done. I just think of my loss of hair and trying to get it back and my life and position and my kids and job and so many things that if i should have taken the step i probably should have done it in my late 30s or early 40s but the world was a lot different back then. This is a great question though.
I have a friend in her late 60s who will have GCS next November. She has many health issues but her docs have cleared her for surgery. One aspect will be a cosmetic vagina, because of heavy scar tissue in her abdomen from previous surgeries. So, if it is your desire, go do it (as long as you get the appropriate medical and psychological clearances.)
I voted never to old as a general response. The reality though is multi faceted and depends to a large extent on the perceived benefits verses the potential risks.
I’m guessing that if a person has managed to cope with having a male body until their 50s or 60s then they could probably cope without transitioning for the rest of their natural life. Even that though is a generalisation as some people may have experienced severe mental distress but not been in a position to make a change to enable them to transition.
For me, I frequently think about transitioning but for .e, if I’m being brutally honest, it is probably more of a grass is greener thing than an absolute need. As such, whilst I fantasise about transitioning, it will almost certainly never happen.
I do however wish that back in the late 80’s to early 90’s, I had been in a position to transition. I would have loved to have been able to live my life since then as a female. I do not think there can be any doubt that my life would then have been so very different in many different ways.
Take care girls
Anne-Marie.
Over fifty, and more than two years in wrt a health professional- supervised hrt regimen. I have not decided how far you take it, but aside from aches and pains that started in my 30s, I feel great and I love the subtle changes taking place. I still do something for exercise 7 days a week. I voted no time limit because I really feel that one’s state of mind is the main thing.
I agree with all the above. Certainly the older you are, the more health risks involved with surgery and or HRT. But transitioning can be social only, HRT, breast augmentation or full GCS/bottom surgery. everyone’s needs are different as are everyone’s financial and social considerations. Mainly here is no ONE age that applies equally to everyone- it’s a decision to made between each person their counselor and their loved ones.
Cyn
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