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  • #486373
    Effie Jayne
    Participant
    Registered On: February 7, 2021
    Topics: 30
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    🌺 hi girls, I hope you all are having a blessed day! 🍭🌼 I just wanted share what’s going on in my cd life lately. I’ve been getting out quite a bit, dressed. 🦋   Not just at work, which is usual, but I mean out in full public view ,🌸 and it’s wonderful, to just be me , Effie 🎀🎀 in general public living life as a girl 👩‍🦰.

    But I’m walking a dangerous line, coming out to friends, going out.. all while my wife doesn’t know 😢.. it’s killing me inside. I cannot do this anymore without being open and honest with her. The good Lord has been opening little doors for me, to plant seeds leading up to this conversation I need to have with her 🌼🧚‍♀️ . As a matter of fact, my wife has come to me with secrets of her own lately, opening up to me about some of her desires..which I accepted and embraced with/for her. This gives me confidence that I can come to her, with my secrets too! 💜

    So I’m going to open up, soon, within the next month I think..

    🍭🌺🦋🎀🎀🎀🎀

Viewing 24 reply threads
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    • #486941
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 32
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      My wife still has difficulties sometimes, but is very supportive of Bridgette. She even said she missed Bridgette this last Thursday. But it requires absolute honesty to make it work, and to gain and keep her support. You’ve reached that point now it’s time for “the talk”… and not the one on CBS. I wish you all the success there is, and no matter what, you’ve got support here. We’re all rooting for you!

      Bridgette

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #486942
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        Thank you so much Bridgette 🌼🥀🌺 I really appreciate that! 🌹

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    • #486913
      Paula1
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2015
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      Hi Effie

      I would not leave it to long, you might be very surprised that your wife could already know or have her very strong feeling our SO’s have a thing that I like to call spider sense, they just sense things, Mine found out and it mader things a lot harder for a long time, we are know really good and she has always said repeatedly, I wish you told me before so we could explore together

       

      Good luck Paula XX

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    • #486808
      Teri Ray
      Lady
      Registered On: September 24, 2017
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      Hiya Effie,  I have no real advice except to give you my story.  I was a closet dresser for over 30 years when my wife found a picture of me on our computer.  I believed I was very through in hiding my dressing but eventually it came out.  This was not the best way to reveal my secret for sure.  But after she found out we had a big talk but I was not fully honest.  This resulted in my wife and I being in DADT for several years.  My wife eventually confronted me again because she knew I was dressing when she was away but did not know or understand what I did when dressed.  This second big talk was the most difficult but the end result was very good. Hard to explain to your wife why I had the desire to dress as a woman when I could not understand my desires myself.  This open and honest discussion helped my wife understand my desire better and resolved many of her fears since all she had to go on was her imagination. I am not sure how you wife will take your talk but I am sure she will have many of the same questions my wife had for me.  I can tell you that having my wife know openly my desires to dress has significantly helped both of us.  I wish you and your wife the best outcome.  Just remember that if you are a good person who crossdresses before your wife knows of your desire you remain that good person after you have the discussion.

      • #486846
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        🌸 oh Teri thank you for that!! It does help me to hear how others have dealt with this .. I’m going to be totally open with her, an I will answer every question she has..🍭🌼

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    • #486754
      MelanieElizabeth
      Lady
      Registered On: January 9, 2021
      Topics: 10
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      Hi Effie . I hate to pour more cold water  on a hard situation but…. Every day that goes by makes the situation more difficulty in my experience. I came out to my wife a few years back but it took me a long time to get the courage to do it. I remember waiting and waiting for the right moment which seemed to never come. My wife could tell I was distressed about something and would ask me but I still couldnt say the words. The lies and secrets were eating me alive. I beat myself up about for weeks i knew the longer I waited further jeopardized my relationship by deepening the sense of betrayal she might feel.
      The discussion was tough but in my eyes successful. She isn’t totally accepting but the weight lifted off my shoulders is palpable. The talk has made both of our lives better. Good luck.

      • #486798
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        I know you are right Melanie 🌺 I guess I’m waiting for Mother’s Day, and then our Anniversary on the 16th to pass first… just in case she takes it hard , I wouldn’t want to ruin those days for her.. 🦋 … something tells me she won’t take it too hard, that she will accept me as I am… but I can’t be certain… until I talk with her…🌼🌼

         

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    • #486751
      Stevie Steiner
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
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      That is fantastic news Effie, I’m so happy for you!!  I can’t imagine your wife not seeing and appreciating how beautiful you are hon!

      Fingers crossed and blowing you a good luck kiss girl! ❤

      Stevie

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      • #486799
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        Stevie💕 thank you!! This is my hope as well!! 🦋🌸🎀

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    • #486730
      rebekka moore
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 85
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      Hi Ladies, you Lovely Ladies!

      You don’t need to hear this from me but……having a wife that completely does not accept this is not uncommon, and does not come without repercussions.
      – I made a conscious decision that I was going to wear what I love and what makes me feel good.
      – I made a conscious decision that I was (and do) remove my body hair.
      – I made a conscious decision that I had waited way too long to do this.
      – I made a conscious decision that I had to be selfish in these decisions.
      – I was not aware of the repercussions.

      – My wife and I get along fine, although at times things are tense.
      – My wife decided that she cannot have an intimate relationship with someone who is “less than the man” she married. (we have not been intimate for 2 years and going).
      – My wife is hurt and confused by the decisions I’ve made. (She has not told me this but I know it).
      – My wife has no obligation to accept this.
      – My wife has desires too I’m sure, and I’m always worried that someone else will fulfill those desires.
      – My wife aside, I have no friends and I know the vast majority of my family would feel the same way.

      None of this is easy. It feels great most of the time, but we all do suffer the consequences of our decisions, and we have to accept them.

      Lastly I will say, I do not regret what I am doing. This is as much a part of me as any other aspect of who I am.

      Love to you all!!

      Rebecka

      • #486900
        Regi Kelly
        Princess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 36
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        Well said, Rebecka. As I have said before, Im so very sorry for your situation, I wish it was not so, for you, and so many others.
        Hugs, Regi👩💕

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    • #486683
      Jamie Peridot
      Lady
      Registered On: February 19, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Hi Sweetie!!
      I should finish the letter that I am writing to my wife today. I will send you a copy to read for your input and in case there is something you would like to use. Looks like this “may” be the month for both of us.😘🤗💋
      Big hugs!!
      After reading Stephanie Kennedy’s reply it occurred to me that you might tell her that you decided to come out to her, but wanted to practice/ build up courage by telling a few select people (who weren’t so vested) first. It might helpp a little with the “why didn’t you tell me first!” Also, Teralynn has some valuable input for “The Talk.”

      • #486801
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        🌺very good advice there Jamie! Thank you very much! 🌸🌼 I have replied to your email! 🦋

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #486682
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 13
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      Hi Effie I was not as brave as so many here. My wife found some my clothes while I was on a business trip. It was the reverse for me she called me and said “WE HAVE TO TALK”. I just did not know what to say when I heard those words. It was the tone in which she said it. I never heard that tone from her before and it truly scared me. She told me afterwards she was scared also. It was a very emotional time for the both of us. I was a member of a private club for CDs and transsexuals at the time so others knew before her that was a big deal for her. She will find out eventually its only a matter time. Its best she find out from your words. If she is beginning to share some of her secrets about her self. This maybe a hint to you to share your secrets. She may already suspect something already. Woman pay attention to details i never even thought to give a moment of  my time. So be prepared to share details upon request.Try not to over load her all at once. She will only ask as many questions as she can digest at the time. Give her time to digest everything she heard. There is no time limit. It took my wife a month after our many discussions to come over to me and say she wanted to see what I looked like fully dressed. She was amazed and did offer a few compliments and kind suggestions. She still had many questions but simple questions like Where did I get my sense of style? because it was nothing like hers. She was trying to make sure i was still attracted to her and the way she dressed. Its the details so just be honest, let her figure out what is best for her. She will let you know.

      A huge Hug. Stephanie

      • #486803
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        Wow Stephanie 🎀🌺 what you shared is so very helpful to me! 🦋 thank you !!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #486631
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 121
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      Has thanked: 163 times
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      Hi Effie.

      Just try not to wait for “the right time”. Ther is such thing as a terrible time to tell, but the possibility of there being a perfect time is close to none.
      And hard as it will be on her, learning that you told others before telling her will likely be an issue in itself, so, the sooner…

      Gabriela

      • #486724
        rebekka moore
        Lady
        Registered On: January 7, 2017
        Topics: 85
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        Agree,

        Please don’t go into this believing because she shared something private of her own, that it will soften the blow for you to do the same.

        All the best to you!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #486804
          Effie Jayne
          Duchess
          Registered On: February 7, 2021
          Topics: 30
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          Has thanked: 1631 times
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          Yes, I am going to tread lightly and not unload on her everything at once.. 🌼🦋

          3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #486677
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        🌸 thank you Gabriela, I know that you are right 🌼🌺 …

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #486629
      Regi Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 1053
      Has thanked: 11175 times
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      Oh, Effie, I do wish you would get that talk, done? I agree, the line you walk is soooo dangerous, if you are out as you say, it’s only a matter of time, and the hurt she will have from your deceit, will be much worse than whatever happens?
      I understand the fear we all have of “the talk”, but in my humble opinion, honesty is the only way, for any relationship to be healthy. Yes, It may go badly, but as is, you are doing a dis-service to you both?
      I wish only the best for you, but please, move forward?
      Huge hugs, Regi👩💕

      • #486676
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        🦋 you are so correct Regi! I’ve been feeling soooo guilty lately, 🎀💜 I hope she accepts me and continues to love me.. I believe she will but there is always that fear in the back of my mind..🌺🍭💐

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    • #486623
      Tara Ryan
      Lady
      Registered On: April 20, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Hi Effie,

      Good luck, I am thinking about you and I hope it all goes well for you.

      Tara x.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #486675
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        Thank you so much Tara! 🦋

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #486622
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
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      Effie darling….

      All I would say is ….make it soon!!!

      If you are coming out to friends and your wife finds out from one of them…or it slips out in conversation….or even on social media!!!! oh gosh, that would be so hard on her…..even if she is accepting and I pray she is….she really has to hear it first hand…..

      …just my opinion

      …….thought I would add….your profile pics just get better and better…..

      Good luck honey, grace xx

      • #486674
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        💜 Grace you are so sweet, thank you! 🍭🌸 May is the month for sure, for this talk.. 🌸🦋

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    • #486617
      Genevïéve
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
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      You will feel so much better after you tell your wife Effie. It’s a relief like no other. Hopefully she is an understanding woman and accepts your feminine side.

      I hope all goes well…

      Edit: as the other girls have mentioned… the sooner the better.

      Love,

      Gen ❤

       

      • #486672
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        Thank you hun 🌼🦋 I believe she is ready to hear this from me, I’m still fearful but I tend to stick with a plan ..which is by end of this month.🌸🌺 or sooner…👗🎀

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    • #486582
      Jillian D’Laney
      Lady
      Registered On: March 8, 2020
      Topics: 0
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      I’m praying for you honey!

      I learned first hand years ago with an ex the importance of making sure she finds out from you first!

      Of course, I’d love to know how you can dress at work she doesn’t know!!

      • #486671
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        Micha, 🌼 my workplace is totally supportive, I dress when I arrive In morning and then go back in drab before going home.. 🦋🎀

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    • #486559
      Tara Jeane
      Lady
      Registered On: December 12, 2020
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      Wishing, hoping and praying that ‘the talk’ goes well for you and that the signs you have been seeing means she already knows or suspects and is okay with it!  Good luck to you, Girlfriend!!!

      As other girls have said, lean on us anytime!  I hope you won’t need it, but we are here for you!!!

      *kisses* tara 🙂

      • #486670
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        🧚‍♀️ Beautiful Tara thank you so much !! 💜🦋

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    • #486544
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 12
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      Hi Effie  sounds like you have played this scenerio  over in your mind and it worked out well .. So go for it sweety  you know she has peaked your intrests in her thoughts so he he put your big girl panties on and sit her down next to you on the couch with a nice glass of wine and go for it sounds so right good luck Effie you have this ..

      Stephanie Bass

      • #486669
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        💐 thank you Stephanie! 🍭

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    • #486531
      Janice
      Lady
      Registered On: April 9, 2021
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      I think the time is right for you Effie. My prayers are with you for support. There may be an inkling that she might know a little more then you think. Just be honest with her. I believe you will come out stronger in the end. Wouldn’t it be nice if she excepts and works with you on your journey. Lot of love your way and a big Huggg. Janice

      • #486668
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
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        🌺 oh Jan I hope so very much!! Thank you! 🌼🌸🦋

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #486681
          Janice
          Lady
          Registered On: April 9, 2021
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          You sound like a sweetheart. I know the fight that is going on inside you. I was there. It wasn’t easy for me to talk. So I kind of let myself get caught then we had to talk. Scary but you need to be true to you also. The sooner the better. It doesn’t go away. She may support you in private and she may go the distance and go out in public with you. How wonderful a thought. I am just talking and possibly through these words you will find some comfort. I love your being human. Fear is an awful thing. I wish I could take a class on how to over come fear and live a full life full with a big smile and confidence in myself. I walk that way now in public , but it took a long time and I found myself staring at the walls. Words of thought. There are books out there for the reading. Prayers your way Sweetheart. Love and Hugs to you. Janice.

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          • #486795
            Effie Jayne
            Duchess
            Registered On: February 7, 2021
            Topics: 30
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            Jan 🎀 your words mean so much to me, and I do find comfort in your thoughts towards me 🌼 I truly thank you and all the beautiful ladies here.. for all the support..💕🦋

            2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #486511
      Clara Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
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      I think you are there Effie.  Not “almost”, you are there.  I can’t wait to hear how well it goes for you.

      Will be thinking of you.

      Best, Clara

    • #486486
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
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      . Best to you Effie. Hope all goes well when you reveal this side of you to you wife. How ever it goes we are all here for you!!
      . Sandy

      • #486501
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        🌺 oh Sandy.. that means so much to me 🍭🌼💕 thank you dearly.. 🦋💐

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #486470
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 24
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      Dear friend,  I know you know that we’re all here supporting you and what is coming. I know how hard that event is going to be. But you will come out the other side stronger,  happier and better.  Big hugs girlfriend 💕💋 Katie

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #486500
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        Katie 🌺 thank you so much!! I’m getting more and more hints that this may be easier than I expect.. 🎀💜 I just hope I’m reading all this correctly

        🧚‍♀️🍭🎀

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #486462
      Eileen Bach
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 27, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Dear Effie,

      With all your public outings, wife may be miffed that she’s the last to know. Down play those details.

      She has had secret desires? How intriguing! Hopefully she wants to dress you up.

      Good Luck!

      Hugs, Eileen

      • #486499
        Effie Jayne
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 7, 2021
        Topics: 30
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        Has thanked: 1631 times
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        Thank you, I won’t bring up the recent outings! 💐🌸 tonight on my walk, it was a bit cool.. she offered me her little girly jacket with embellishments  to wear.. 🦋🎀 … you bet I wore it!! And she was grinning from ear to ear!! 🍭 hmmmmmmm.. gets me thinking ..💕🌼💐🎀

    • #486408
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      I hope it goes well for you..

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #486405
      Samantha Jo
      Lady
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 55
      Has thanked: 166 times
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      Hi Effie

      Good luck to you when you come to have the conversation with your wife,  just be honest with her. Hope all goes well.

      Samantha x

    • #486396
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 21
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      I think “almost” has arrived, Effie. Spouses shouldn’t keep secrets, and you could be pleasantly surprised. My wife believes it is sinful for men to wear dresses, but she has embraced Bettylou, nevertheless.

    • #486386
      Candice Waymoore
      Lady
      Registered On: April 2, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      Has thanked: 121 times
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      Good luck Effie!

      I wish my wife would share some of her own secrets with me. I really hope she accepts this part of you. I had a nice moment a few days ago when my wife asked to let her see me in a white bodysuit I bought on Amazon. I asked if I could wear a black skater skirt with it and she said yes. I finally got to share a cute outfit with her. I hope you get to share too.

      C

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