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Hello all, I was looking to get some opinions. So I am married with two kids 7 and 10. My wife knows about me, while it’s not her favorite thing she knows it brings me joy and tries to be supportive. We are leaving for a cruise in about a week. Some extended family is going as well. The last time I was on a cruise it was great, but I was so jealous of all the pretty women and their outfits! Is it selfish of me to ask my wife if she cares if I would take a night to be Alex if the opportunity arises? I know there is always a chance I could run into someone In my extended family, but the boats are huge and honestly I think I’m pretty unrecognizable when dressed. I just feel like I might be being selfish wanting to experience this as Alex. Any opinions are greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance!
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She knows already so I wouldn’t think there would be any harm in just asking her. She can say no and thats the end of it but if she says yes then you will have a dream experience you won’t ever forget. Just be careful and do not run into any family. If you are able to dress on the cruise please tell us about it.
If I get the chance I will update with pictures! Thanks!
I don’t believe it’s ever selfish to advocate for your wants and needs. Your request seems pretty reasonable to me, but given the chance of discovery by extended family members I think you’re right to see how your wife feels about it since she has to assume some part of that risk as well. Are family members likely to hit the dance club? If not, the risk seems pretty low to me…
Thanks so much. I wouldn’t think they would be in the club, or even certain nights they have and lgbqt event which I know non of them would be at.
Hi Alex.
My suggestion is that instead of asking your wife if you can do that, you approach her and discuss it with her. Perhaps you could start by saying something like you already outlined above and then ask her opinion and what she thinks about your idea. That way you’re showing her that you’re not being selfish, you’re actually asking for her input and want to keep her involved in your thought processes. She may say yes or she may not, but either way you’ve shown to her that you’re aware of her concerns and are being considerate of her feelings, you’re not just making an arbitrary decision that she could interpret as you being selfish. And even if she doesn’t agree this time, this may pave the way for future opportunities for you to be more out and about in public as Alex.
Good luck! If you’re able to do that, I know you’ll have a wonderful adventure!
Hugs,
Holly
Thank you Holly! I agree inching this would be my best approach. Thanks again for your wonderful words of wisdom!
Alex, you are so welcome! Please let us know how this turns out.
Hugs,
Holly
Alex,
I have been on many cruises in my time. Some ships are small and some are huge. Royal Caribbean’s Oasis class are the largest and very rarely will you see that same person twice, plus they have lots of venues one can visit. So the chance of running into to someone aren’t as great. These venues are isolated in their own areas, not shared.
Smaller ships than those have a problem that walkways tend to pass thru these types of venues. Very rarely will a small ship have a single entrance venue (with emergency exits). Once on a smaller ship I was walking from one point to another. My travels took me thru a friends of Bill W meeting then at the next venue thru a Red Dress meeting. So the chance of being seen are greater if you are a smaller ship.
As for the other parts of your question I agree 100% with Hollys opinion.That’s what I was thinking. The last one i was on I rarely saw the same people twice, like you said. Thanks so much for your input!
Sounds to me like you have thought this though. Present this to your wife, ask her if there is something you are missing in your thinking. Maybe she will think this over and tell you it is OK with her with certain guidelines. Good luck to the BOTH of you.
. Cassie
Thanks so much Cassie!
Hi Alex, my thought is that there are several dependencies as to whether you’re going on one of those large cruise ships (my SO and I were on a Celebrity a few years ago, 3000+) or on one of the smaller ships or a river cruise (we did a river cruise last summer, just over a 100). If it’s a smaller one, from my experience it’s almost as if all of you were family, as you’ll see each other daily, and there was a day here or there we didn’t stop so we got to know the others even more, and most everyone boarded the same bus or busses at the same time, heading to town for different tours. If all that I wouldn’t suggest it.
On the bigger cruise, we barely saw others in our hallway for the week (twice tops). We were with two other couples but only saw them a few shared tours and at dinner. I wandered the whole boat and there were plenty of places one could go and I never saw them, except for the concerts or other shipwide functions. Many guests stayed on the boat around the pool for most of the trip.
I’d find out from your extended family if they plan to spend most the cruise with you or go off on their own at times. If the former, they may be knocking on your door at any time (or calling you to get together). If they do plan on different itineraries than you, and you know when they’ll leave and return from their shore excursions, then you may find time, assuming your spouse agrees and is willing to help you avoid the others.
Good luck! Hugs, ChloëC
Thank you! You brought up some great points and things to consider. I’m going to talk to her this weekend and see how she feels about it. Even if she is totally against it, I think talking about it and letting her know that i would like to do more mainstream things is a win.
Alex,
I do not think you are being selfish at all. You are just being honest about mulling this over, thinking about the pros and cons and reaching out to us sisters for input. As you and others have said, the chances of running into someone are indeed pretty remote.
But they are not zero. Therefore, are you prepared for the grief that your wife may be subjected to if a family member spots you & confronts her? How will you handle it if your 2 children see you in woman’s clothes? How will your wife feel if a family member questions your ability to be a good father due to your dressing?
My advice would be to not do it. To me, the remote but possible negatives far outweigh the positives. You are young and have a long cross dressing life ahead of you so there will be plenty of other opportunities for dressing adventures.
Fiona
Thanks Fiona! You have definitely given me things to think about and consider. I just don’t want to put anyone in an awkward position, it is supposed to be vacation after all. Thanks again!
Wanting to feel happy isn’t being selfish.
I’ve had a similar dilemma many a weekend, many an event…. wanting to dress something feminine, even subtly, wanting my wife’s approval, not wanting to spoil her mood by even asking. I usually don’t broach the subject, go in full guy mode reluctantly, feel slightly sad, and the years are ticking by. One of these days I will let my desire to be me just push and ask/tell her… I just need the right words and a few stiff drink of courage.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
Thanks so much! I’m going to talk to her this weekend.
Alex,
Oh yes, going on a cruise you should definitely take the opportunity to cross dress. However, you left out some important details. For instance, will your kids be with you, and how large of a ship are you going on? Do you want your kids to see you cross dressed? Is it worth the risk of any relatives seeing you cross dressed?
My wife and I have gone on the smaller cruise ships, like Regent and Silver Seas, and I have cross dressed. Both these cruise lines are noted for excellent service and small numbers of passengers, which allows for personalized service. There is always one formal night where I wear an evening gown.
I mention this perhaps as a suggestion that you and your wife could do just for the two of you.
There is a national cross dressing organization which sponsors an annual cruise on one of the large cruise ships, but IMHO, I prefer going by myself on a smaller ship. It is amazing how accepting people are once you began speaking with them. Since I am the only CD on the ship, every one learns my name very quickly.
To answer your original question, I don’t think you are being selfish, but a dad and a husband still has family responsibilities too.
Thanks for all the great suggestions! That might be something I need to look into more. I really appreciate your input, thank you!
I would totally want to get dressed and walk the boat. But my kids and relatives being there and being able to show up any moment would probably hold me back. But I don’t think it’s selfish to talk about things you would like to do. It won’t happen if you don’t talk about it.
Thanks! It make me nervous too. If it is something that happens it would probably be a late night once the little ones are asleep. I’m going to talk with my wife this weekend about it.
Sorry to take sides, but she has to be on board ( pardon the pun) with your being out on ship. You know how important she is in your lifes and her wishes must be in the decision. Also if it’s a possibility someone will recognize you, most likely it will happen. ( Murphy’s Law)
Oh of course, when I talk to her if she is against it then I would never put her in that position. That’s just not fair to her.
To answer the basic question, no you are not being selfish, you are just expressing a part of yourself. Would you feel selfish if you wanted to go parasailing, or some such thing? The bigger question is whether this is a good idea or not, and that is a lot harder to answer. First, do you go out in public at home, and does your wife know and join you? Are the kids in a separate room? Just how many extended family members are there?
If you can dress and undress in a totally separate room from the kids then it could work. The last thing you want is to come back to a shared room and find one of the kids up to get a glass of water. The larger the number of family, the greater the chance of being seen. If it is only a few, I would not be too worried, but if a lot, they odds start changing. If you wife is not used to you going out, this may not be the best time to start. If she is, and the other issues are manageable, then it could be a really fun time.
In a brief sentence NO, don’t do it, way too much at risk that could have severe lasting memories and consequences for your kids and family members, Once they see you, or recognize you without their prior knowledge the secret and cat is out of the bag- Forever! and cannot be put back in. One cannot ’ unforget’ things they see or know. Just chalk this one up as a wishful fantasy thought of uncontrolled CD euphoria 😉
My opinion dear, what you were asking for
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