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  • #397262
    Kendra
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    Registered On: September 10, 2015
    Topics: 20
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    There have been some great posts on this website recently, but one in particular got me thinking.  Jennifer Swanson posted a link to a quiz that measures femininity.  I did the test and my results got me thinking of the issue many of us struggle with – what am I? Male or female or transgender or non-binary or gender-queer or what?  A long time ago I accepted that gender is social construct and you didn’t have to be one or the other, and that you didn’t have to be the gender you were assigned at birth.  But I always thought you had to be something – I just wondered all the time what mix I was.

    It is an interesting test – I got 75% female, 51% male, and that placed me in very bottom of the androgynous quadrant, right at the border of the feminine quadrant.   At first I thought being 75% of one thing and 51% of another didn’t make much sense, but that is because I was thinking of gender in traditional terms – despite having accepted that gender is a social construct and despite having realized you don’t have to be one or the other.   The more I thought about being 75% female and 51% male, the more I liked it – despite the fact that 75 and 51 don’t add up to 100.

    There are two reasons I feel that way.

    First,  I  do work and parent as a male,  and then sometimes I go dress up and go out en femme.  Sometimes the stress of going back and forth makes me feel that I am two different people.  Sometimes I panic about forgetting that I am wearing pantyhose under my jeans when I walk into the hockey dressing room, and sometimes I panic about not shaving some body hair properly before I go out for a walk or to a pub en femme.

    Second, I have been told by my male friends that like sports that I am a “man’s man” because I play and follow sports.  But at work I have been told that I manage people like a woman would – something I have always taken as a compliment.  And then there are the wonderfully kind people on this site that have looked at my photos and complimented my makeup skills.

    So how do I make sense of all that?  Maybe I am more than one gender, maybe one’s gender can change moment to moment, and maybe one’s female percentage and male percentage don’t have to add up to 100.  When I am putting on lipstick, it is of course because I enjoy looking pretty, but it is also because I feel feminine at that moment.  When I play sports it is course because I enjoy the game itself but it also because I enjoy playing the game as a male.

    Its funny but I used spend time thinking – am I 75% male and 25% female?  Am I 50/50 or 60/40? And of course I was never satisfied with what I came up with.

    So I will end this post with a happy thought – maybe the sum of our feminine and male personas add up to more than one – and maybe that is a great gift.

Viewing 16 reply threads
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    • #398087
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
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      Humans are complicated creatures. One of the ways this shows up is the many variations in the way we think about gender as it applies to us and how we express it. I think people tend to be confused by the concepts of being gender fluid and being agender.

      For many crossdressers, it is a conscious decision to dress at any given time. Circumstances may be that you have time or you are alone or you want to go out, etc. For someone who is gender fluid, it isn’t a conscious decision. Something happens to trigger a shift from one gender to another. No one knows what the reason is or can guess the duration. I think of it similar to multiple personalities in that we know very little and there doesn’t seem to be much predictability to it.

      Agender is the sense of not being associated with being male or female. For whatever reason, people consider themselves to be genderless.

      I agree than gender is largely a social construct, but it is also related to how we apply it to ourselves and how we express it.

      I identify as transgender and non-binary. It feels like to me that I am this amalgam of male and female sensibilities and thought processes. Many crossdressers say that when they dress they become, or adopt, a different persona. That has never happened for me and eventually became one of the reasons that suggested to me that I wasn’t a crossdresser.

      I gave up following stick and ball sports in the early 90’s. Some would say Ah Ha!! But that doesn’t really mean anything. I’ve been a big motorsports fan since childhood and that continues. I’ve been to all sorts of racetracks across the US and have seen many different disciplines. As a matter of fact, I was up at 5:30am this morning to watch the qualifying session for tomorrow’s Formula 1 Grand Prix in Portugal. I was dressed in a nice short sleeve shell, short skort, bra and forms, heels and with my nails done. This might seem to be a contradiction to some, but it represents how I like to appear and what I like to do. Over time I have driven a few race cars and I also follow professional cycling, am an amateur photographer, a computer enthusiast and a modern architecture fan. Even though society attached gender to these activities, I never did. They were just things that appealed to me.

      I think it is quite difficult for many to realize that gender is not the same thing as sex and that how we think of our gender may be somewhat different from how we express it. There is a mass of history that is steeped in the binary and humans have always found change to be difficult. While there will likely be change, this means that it will probably be slow. For me, while I am certain that this combination of sensibilities represents how I really feel, I present as female 80% to 90% of the time. On those few times when I do present as male it is usually a matter of expedience without something that is driving me to present in a certain way.

      I hope that all of us get to be who we really are and can express that as we choose.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #398083
      Kendra Beauford
      Participant
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 27
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      Wow, thanks Kendra! I had taken that quiz, too, and was surprised; more feminine than I thought. That was a while ago and, maybe, I should take it again. Having thought about this, and having read so many stories, and comments, I may find my results are even more different.

      Kendrabea👠

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #398066
      Lucinda Hawkns
      Participant
      Registered On: September 1, 2015
      Topics: 6
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      what is the web site to look up to find out what percentage i am?  2nd i love being a cross dresser for many reasons. the clothing the look, better fit and most of all i feel more female then male. every one here that i read the post is so true.   i would love to be a female 24 7 and be cuddled and loved by a male.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #398023
      Patty Phose
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      Registered On: May 7, 2016
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      I love being a crossdresser. I love the clothes. I love how I look and feel when wearing them. I’ve loved it since I was 4.

      When I began dressing fully en femme at 18 and began going out, I loved the feeling of girl power and loved how I was admired and fawned over. That just encouraged me and made me want to do it more.

      As much as I loved that and the clothes, I feel I’m only one gender. Male. My transforming into Patty doesn’t make me a female. It’s an illusion. Patty is a character I created. I love the experience of being her, but i know I never can actually be her, nor would I want to. Even though I’m Patty most of the time, not full time, I still like being my male self.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397751
      Deborah Sullivan
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      Registered On: February 27, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      Guess I am a bimbo because it makes little difference to me if its genetic or chemistry. All I know is I love being both genders fully to the point eventhough I do act more feminine

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397643
      Kendra
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      Registered On: September 10, 2015
      Topics: 20
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      Wow that is a lot of information. Thank you

       

       

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #397537
      Alicen Thairms
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      Registered On: July 15, 2019
      Topics: 31
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      So I will end this post with a happy thought – maybe the sum of our feminine and male personas add up to more than one – and maybe that is a great gift.

      I agree, I have come to the same conclusion myself; our capacity to be both is difficult to come to terms with but when we accept it we are more than we could be as either one …

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397443
      Riley McCort
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      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 22
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      Kendra that was amazing!! I too have struggled with this very issue. You have clarified a lifetime of curiosity for me!!

      Thanks!! Riley 💋

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397426
      Ria Freichuk
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      Registered On: June 6, 2020
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      I agree with Betty Lou. I am in that same space.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397419
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 8
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      Wow some fantastic reading, and assessments. I just put it down to chemistry within the mind, that we are left with the ability to interact, change and adapt to different modes of gender that gives us pleasure and happiness and a choice of how we want to live our lives.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #397544
        Araminta Purdy
        Participant
        Registered On: January 23, 2020
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 180
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        “… chemistry within the mind….” Very interesting. Not only endorphins, etc, but the fact that hormones are actually mood-altering drugs. Something that really needs examination.

        Araminta.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397391
      Laura Lovett
      Participant
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 8
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      I agree entirely with your summary!

      Gender is but a human construct – a way to further define the biological sexes – which, in themselves may be fluid – in a literal sense, since a woman with high testosterone may be bloke-ish, or “butch”, and there are very effeminate men.

      Maybe you get out of bed one day, and the testosterone is coursing, and it feels like a good day for a drive, a game of football, fixing the car, or whatever.

      Maybe your wife is off to meet up with the girls from work – and you really wish you could go too, and be one of the girls for the night, and talk about feminine things or share in feminine activities.

      We cross dressers really have the best of both worlds, as far as we can make it so, so yes, it’s a massive bonus – way more than 100%!

      It maybe doesn’t seem that way when our immediate circumstances dictate how we can present ourselves – it doesn’t feel right to me – but until we’ve managed to educate those around us, we feel compelled to keep the parts that might upset others under wraps, and thus operate way below 100%.

      The stories from others who have made the leap completely are inspiring, but gender education is mistrusted, as it challenges something that people think they know, which seems fundamental to human existence.

      Of course, it is, but not for the reasons many think.

      The combinations of sex, gender and sexuality are as varied as human personalities – and as fluid. They can change from one minute to another like a complex, ongoing set of chemical reactions. There are as many combinations as fingerprints.

      My thoughts, anyway 😍

      Love Laura

       

    • #397385
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
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      Hi Kendra

      Short and sweet….

      In drab at work I’m male and act that way

      The rest of the time grace acts, thinks and goes about her life totally female…

      That’s just HOW it is, I will let others stick on the labels!!

      Grace xx

    • #397367
      Araminta Purdy
      Participant
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      Alright! I will try to answer some questions but you may not like the answers.

      Are you male or female?
      You are male.

      You are transgender. The term was initially devised to point out that so-called ‘transsexual’ persons were not, in fact, transiting sex but rather were transiting anatomical gender. It was immediately adapted by cross-dressers to reflect gender variance (i.e., transiting gender) and gradually came to include performing artists and others. It has a general application. Basically anyone who transits gender, either back and forth or just once, is transgender. Courtesy suggests that applying the term to some who goes through complete transition may be inaccurate as they are gender invariant and no longer are involved in any process (apart from maintenance of their masculine or feminine anatomy).

      There is no such thing as non-binary. Males and females are binary. That’s how it works. That’s how babies are made. We evolved to be binary, male and female. Not opposites but in co-operation to allow the species to reproduce through the exchange and merging of genetic matter. Masculine, feminine and androgynous are separate sets of criteria, not variations of each other and are not binary. So which two genders would you be ‘non-binary’? The term ‘non-binary’ is meaningless and inapplicable. To me ‘non-binary’ is simply a cop-out used by people who do not really want to consider the issues fully and need a term that sounds good or who have been mislead by others using the term.

      The term, ‘nonbinary’, began having some increased usage ca. 1956 (0.0000001712% prevalence) but it was in 2011 (0.0000021342% prevalence) that it began to be used frequently (0.0000095855% by 2019), or about 400% increase in prevalence. As with many such terms it began to be used to mean something that it did not really mean in the first place.

      Yes, gender is defined socially and is performative and a form of aesthetic creation. It’s a bit more complex than that but think of the French word, genre (English, gender), which we use to refer to types of writing, motion pictures, depictive arts, pottery and other art forms. That is what genre/gender means, ‘types’, ‘kinds’, classifications, etc.

      There is no such thing as ‘gender assigned at birth’. That is a conflation of sex and gender substituting ‘gender’ for ‘sex’ referencing a barbaric surgical policy in the 1960s regarding neonates born with ambiguous genitalia. (It was easier to make them ‘female’ and this had drastically unfortunate results.) That policy has been condemned and is no longer considered being medically valid or ethical except in extreme and/or life threatening instances. Gender presentation is a matter of personality development and a neonate has a minimal (nil?) personality and nobody is capable of determining whether any neonate has a preference to be masculine or feminine so you cannot (or at least should not) assign any gender (or sex) at birth. On the other hand, I do feel that each person has a prenatal predisposition to a gender(s) but even so the assumption that a male is or is going to be solely masculine is unfair and a practice that also needs to be abandoned.

      The test you took did not define you as 75% male and 51% female but as 75% masculine and 51% feminine. Not only are humans (except for a miniscule percentage due to the Lost Twin Syndrome) either 100% male or female, you cannot have (as you noted) 126% of a single thing. However, you can recognize that femininity and masculinity (as separate types or genders) can exist simultaneously within the same person. They manifest differently at different times and are not variations of the same subset of traits and elements. It is not a contradiction to have a 75% tendency to be masculine and a less intense motivation to be feminine. Sometimes femininity and masculinity fuse into androgyny when one presents aspects of both of the other genders rationally. However, most gender variant persons tend to be wholly masculine (more or less) or wholly feminine at any, one time.

      Add to that the question as to what is actually feminine and what is actually masculine probably makes that test inaccurate at measuring anything. If you took the test next week you might get a radically different result. Most of these on-line tests are questionable as to the qualifications of their creators and the accuracy of their concepts.

      I suppose everyone is more than one gender. Again it depends on how you and your social environment define gender. The key element, I feel, is, as you say, “When I am putting on lipstick, it is of course because I enjoy looking pretty, but it is also because I feel feminine at that moment.” Again, it is much more involved, for example, “Why do you want to be pretty?”

      Because you like sports does not make you male. Lots of females like sports. Liking sports may be considered a masculine trait, but it really isn’t. Conversely, just because you are male that doesn’t mean you have to like sports. Competiveness and aggressiveness are generally (again, erroneously) seen as being solely masculine. You can ‘class’ or ‘typify’ these as in the masculine genre, and you may be correct in theorizing that males tend to be more competitive and more aggressive that females (a question for which I have no response), and your point-of-view might regard such behaviour as masculine, but that is a subjective view that might evolve in time.

      Saying, “… maybe the sum of our feminine and male personas add up to more than one…”, gets much closer to the situation. ‘Persona’ comes from the Latin for a theatrical mask, or “… a role or character adopted by an author or an actor….” We all adopt different personas at different times depending on the situation and with whom we interact or even how we identify at any time. Some change ‘masks’ and some change their clothing (including business suits, military or sports uniforms, etc.) either or both.

      So, probably, at times you are 100% (or close to it) masculine (in a very general sense) and sometimes 100% (or a bit less) feminine. But you probably have a persistent, inner drive to be feminine.

      Araminta.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397307
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
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      Hi Kendra,

      I think the answer to your question is found in a discussion here at CDH about two weeks ago.  IMO, our identity has three components: a biological identity (plumbing), a gender identity (self-perception) and a sexual preference.  Gender identity is certainly flexible – for most of us.  I know that I can be husband, dad and Grandpa when the role is called for, but for most of the other times, I’m definitely Bettylou, and it matters not whether I’m Dressed and presenting as her or just doing the daily routine.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

       

    • #397295
      Anonymous
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      Replies: 38
      Has thanked: 26 times
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      Congratulations you found the right site your a qualified crossdresser give that woman a gold crossdresser badge and stamp her passport HEEHEE

      Firstly these are feelings we all have hun literally all of us at least at some point in our lives in this crazy life we lead,

      Secondly the test you tool kinda plays on the fact your taking the test and there for well expect you to think your feminin score will be high, so give you a high feminin score. I think mine was like 10%male and 65 feminin. Its more of a fun thing then a real test.

      The fact you like being both male and female is well being a crossdresser, you feel different when dressed up in your female cloths, you feel like a women or your perception on what that feels like, but you feel the cloths makeup hair all foreign to the feeling you get from your male cloths, It’s exciting to dress up to the feeling you get can feel like a drug it pulls you back to the wardrobe for another fix, It calls to you when you walk past a clothes shop window. To be quite honest keep this to yourself or It will soon be seen as a class A drug lol

      Being a man’s man so to speak just goes to show your life is not heading down the road to change gender, but will account for your confusion right now as the contrast between you masculine and feminine side are so grate, Something I had to overcome myself

      There is a thing called gender fluid where you can change the feeling of your gender from one day to the next but as far as I can see from what you said doesn’t seem right for you, But if in your eyes you don’t agree with what I have said you may look into that

      Hope this helps some

      Claire xxx

       

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397294
      Sandy Jayson
      Participant
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 237
      Has thanked: 557 times
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      Kendra, I believe you can absolutely move back and forth between male and female.  I know when I am dressed in fem I tear up a lot easier when watching the tube.  And when in male mode having relations with another man is disgusting tome but when dressed in fem the thought of being held by a man and having a relationship is exciting to me.  although having a relationship with a GG  is still in my mind better yet.

      Sandy

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397287
      Rei Durden
      Participant
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 490
      Has thanked: 3180 times
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      Some great points, you’ve obviously given this a lot of thought. Thank you for sharing and giving me some food for thought.

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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