Am I Trans

[Nicky]

I have been wondering this for a while I was a teen and made the comment to a cousin. He said that I should do it. Well I got with a girl and didn’t think about. I ended up being a truck driver for a while and explored my bisexual thoughts bought a toy and talked to guys on line. I moved home and I stopped again. Then I got my own place again dated a few girls and found some clothes my sister left in my trunk I was bored and tried these booty shorts on and they felt great. My now wife found me asking a old friend that was a  crossdresser about how to get started he wanted to have sex and I agreed then she found pictures on my computer. We went through a ruff patch even though I didn’t actually go though with it. Later we talked about it and she began helping me get clothes. I am not allowed to wear boys underwear anymore. Recently I have began questioning whether I was transgender I put women’s clothing and I feel right and want to dress even more. My wife said if I were to Trans she couldn’t stay with me she wants a man. So I am just confused and don’t know what is wrong with me. I need advice because I am so confused and scared.

[Liz K]

I was in denial for years despite wanting to be a girl for as long as I can remember.  My egg cracked 7 years ago when dysphoria became unmanageable.  I got into therapy and started discovering who the girl was that I’d repressed.  One thing quickly became clear – I feared who I was.

Allowing myself to be female for periods of time got the ball rolling….so to speak.

A life changing makeover.  Joining CDH.  Meeting other CD’s online.  Socializing with them.  Being out in public.  Interacting with the world.  And so on.

One weekend several years ago it dawned on me that what I was doing just felt right.  I was being authentic.  Living the life I was meant to live.  My dysphoria was under control.  I was truly happy.  Returning to my male life was a grudging process that left me irritable….and more importantly….my dysphoria was harder to manage.

When I talked to my therapist about it she offered that my experiences were indicative of a transgender person.  She also said being trans doesn’t mean I have to transition or make any further changes to my life.  But she cautioned that most of her trans patients ultimately decided to transition.  So I stewed on that for a while.

A few more times socializing and being out in the world made it clear.  Going back to my male life made me miserable.  Deciding to transition was an easy decision.

So what would I say to someone who is questioning their gender identity?  First, nobody, and I mean nobody, can tell you you’re trans.  That’s for you to figure out.  Figuring it out means doing the work.  Putting yourself in life situations.  Getting way out of your comfort zone.  Being “out”.  And for many many girls, talking to a good gender therapist.

I’ve been with the same gender therapist for 7 years.  She’s awesome.  I wouldn’t be where I am without her.

So that’s it.  We can point you in the right direction.  But it’s up to you which forks in the road to take.

Best of luck to you.

/EA

[Nicky]

Thanks. I went out a few weeks ago fully dressed on a drive. I stopped at a adult bookstore not for sexual reasons but I knew I would be less likely to be judged. My hart was pounding out of my chest I had told my cousin what I was doing so if something happened someone knew were too start looking I had a short sun dress on and heels I pushed myself to go in I walked in the back nobody even noticed my 6’2 ass walk in or they just didn’t make me feel uncomfortable.  I then got confident on the way home I stopped at a rest area and went in I ended up making a truck driver about swallow his toothbrush but nobody was mean to me or treated me bad I felt like I was sexy after I got my confidence to do it. I also felt like I was right. I have a job were I have to be dominant the entire time and it feels like a act and wrong. When I am Nicky I feel stress free and I feel like I’m the person I am supposed to be.

[Liz K]

I’d encourage you to meet and socialize with some some other girls.  CDH is a great place to start.  It’s safer than the places you’re going and a better representation of being out in real life.

/EA

[Nicky]

I agree I am in a very conservative state and really didn’t know where else I could go I was not looking for anything I just knew that there were people there but less likely to be judged by someone

[Bianca Everdene]

Hi Nicky

So sorry you are in a bad place at the moment.

Just a couple of opinions from me.

You have to try to separate who you are sexually attracted to from which gender you feel inside. Men can be hetero, gay or bi, and so can women, and so can those in the trans community up to and including those who have fully transitioned their gender. So your sexual preference shouldn’t necessarily be a factor in gender alignment, being sexually attracted to men doesn’t mean you have to be a woman.

As for whether you are trans that is entirely up to you and how you feel inside, and what would make YOU happy moving forward in your life.
You have to ask questions like;

Are you happy in your body?

Do you want to live 24/7 as a female? or is it a feeling that comes and goes.

Is it just the clothes? Are you more mentally aligned to the female psyche and attitudes which in general are very different from men’s?

Is it worth potentially losing your wife?

Maybe a therapist in gender issues could help you explore your feelings.

Hope you find your way to a happier place.

B x

[Nicky]

Thank you I have been trying to I don’t know if I could go 24/7 I would like to see for a few days if I could but when I do I do it in another town so I don’t have to worry about being outed till I decide

[Cassie Jayson]

Nicky, wondering if you are ‘fully trans’ or if you are happy ‘just crossdressing’ sometimes can be a problem. The only thing I can suggest is therapy. I know for some of my family members they think if I am crossdressing and even thinking I want to be a woman I HAVE TO get on hormones and get all the surgeries. If I had a therapist that was ‘pushing’ me in that direction I would drop them. I think I would be happiest to just present as a woman and be treated as one, maybe going on hormones down the road. All this I have come up with on my own without a therapist. BUT much further on this journey a therapist will be very helpful.
Please don’t let living in a conservative state stop you. I live in a ‘red’ area of a ‘red’ state and had no negative push back at all. I don’t do the bar night time scene so that might make a difference.

. Cassie

[Nicky]

Thank you I go to the bars  sometimes and I have  push myself to do things to get more comfortable

[Wanda Ovahear]

Try to look at things as “what’s going on with me” rather than “what’s wrong with me” for a start. You have a lot going on and your confusion is understandable. Beyond that I agree with those who have recommended counseling. You need objective help sorting it all out.

[Author]

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