An idea that might help with your SO

[Sarah Kanter]

One common experience that many of us share as cross dresser is the mixed feelings from our Significant Others. My wife has has a wide variety of feelings and emotions with this, ranging from hostile and condemning, to shared enjoyment, to toleration. On average, I would call her support luke-warm. Kind of a “you do what you want, but I’m not really very enthusiastic about this.”

As we have some time to spend together today, I asked what she wanted to do. As we talked about different ideas, she said something that is important for us. She remarked that, “Whenever you suggest doing something, like lunch, or a movie, or the beach, I’m always wondering if you’re really just looking for an excuse to dress up.”

She had said something like this before, but I had forgotten. Part of the struggle my wife experiences with this is the thought that I may not really be interested in her, but just looking for an excuse to change my clothes. Whenever I suggest dressing up for something, I always try to tell her that I don’t have to and that I really want to be with her, but as opportunities to dress up are not always frequent, I know I can get excited as I plan and look forward to a lunch or other outing.

I think we have to be careful to ensure that our SO’s never feel like our clothing (or any other thing we like to do) is more important to us than they are. I know there are a broad range of experiences, feelings, and relationships about how and why each of us dress up. But if you’re going to be successful in a marriage, you DO have to make your spouse your priority. My wife struggles the most any time she starts to feel that I might want to be in an outfit more than I want to be with her. If I’m more enthusiastic and thoughtful about the outfit than I am about spending time with her, it can hurt her.

Anyway, I hope this helps some of you work through the difficulty of cross dressing in a relationship.

Total of 21 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.

Stacy Cummins, Katherine Leigh, Melissa Sue, Roberta Broussard, Kate, Carole Corbett, Karen Likra, Leah, Lara Tucker, Donna Cooper, Lynda Jones, Harriette, Jill Edina, Cathy Harper, Lauren Mugnaia, Joeleen Noel, Connie Wittnee, Bianca Everdene, Suzanne Martin, Madeline Bradford

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[J J]

While my wife is fine with me dressing, and we are often intimate when fully en fm e, or just lingerie, I also make it a point to be intimate in drab as well. Basically, I make sure not to over do my dressing. Plus, I always give her veto power and tell her she can always tell me if I have gone too far. She never has, at least not yet.

5 users thanked author for this post.

Stacy Cummins, Sarah Kanter, Lynda Jones, Leah, Harriette

[Connie Wittnee]

Sarah, would you continue your helpful, personal and open to us (that is, transparent…I dislike that overused  word) story? I’m curious to read what you said and did in the occasion or incident you described and quoted your wife’s comment.

Wondering what you said to assure her and how well do you believe she accepted what you next said and did? Did you too enjoy time together that day?

I very much agree with your points made, advice offered. Thank you!

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Leah, Sarah Kanter, Harriette

[Sarah Kanter]

Hey Connie, there’s not much more to say about the beginning of the story. We had some free time yesterday and were figuring out what to do. It’s nearing the end of the school year so it’s kind of the last chance for me to dress up for awhile. I suggested going to lunch, or a movie, or maybe going to the local lake to play in the water. She knows I wanted to dress up for the occasion, and she just wanted to express her concern that dressing up seems more important to me than spending time with her. The point being that if it wasn’t for the chance to dress up, I wouldn’t have suggested doing something together.

I think with this situation there are only two things I can really do to help.

1. I always give her the option of doing whatever it is without dressing up and just do my best to let her know it’s her I want and not an outfit.
2. I need to regularly taken her to lunch, or the movies, or whatever it is without dressing so that spending time together is normal, and not just some excuse to dress up. I mean, if the only time you take your wife anywhere is when you dress up, then she’s quickly going to figure out where your priorities are.

As a follow up: we ended up going stand up paddle boarding at a local pond, and I got to do it en femme. It’s still early so it was a bit cold, but I have this cute female surfing wetsuit and my hair is long enough now I could get by without a wig. Playing in the water en femme is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and it was everything I hoped for.

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Melissa Sue, Roberta Broussard, Karen Likra, Connie Wittnee, Marlene Roberts, Leah, Lara Tucker, Harriette

[Peta Mari]

Cding can become very nasscistic, where everything becomes about us.

Marriage is always equally about the other person, as much as it is about us.

We need to learn to speak and create life for each other, in the ways our love language makes us tick. (I suggest a book, 5 love languages of a married couple, is a must read.)

If you can you can your spouse in the way they need it, life become much better.

Eg, the language’s are touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and words of encouragement.

All of us have a liking to various degrees of most of these…but one or two become extremely predominant. And say our own languge is words of afirmation. And our partners is acts of service, (vice versa) we can start getting frustrated by loving our other, in the way we need to be treated.

So you say, You look great this morning. Partner thinks, oh hum, you didnt take the rubbish out.

Partner critiques you. You get hurt by the words, and you retreat.

Or. You know each others language. You make sure you put the rubbish out, and wash your glass at the end of night. Partner notices and says thanks. I do so appreciate you. (Both love tanks are filled up.)

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Stacy Cummins, Leah, Harriette, Lauren Mugnaia, Connie Wittnee

[Harriette]

“the language’s are touch…” Peta

Whenever I hug my wife, the first thing that she is likely to ask is why? 😥

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Peta Mari, Marlene Roberts

[Peta Mari]

Its awkward when one likes touch and the other doesnt.

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Harriette

[Harriette]

It’s the suspicion that bugs me. Maybe because she is transactional? Don’t know.

[Kim Dahlenbergen]

Good advice.

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Marlene Roberts, Lauren Mugnaia

[Author]

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