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One common experience that many of us share as cross dresser is the mixed feelings from our Significant Others. My wife has has a wide variety of feelings and emotions with this, ranging from hostile and condemning, to shared enjoyment, to toleration. On average, I would call her support luke-warm. Kind of a “you do what you want, but I’m not really very enthusiastic about this.”
As we have some time to spend together today, I asked what she wanted to do. As we talked about different ideas, she said something that is important for us. She remarked that, “Whenever you suggest doing something, like lunch, or a movie, or the beach, I’m always wondering if you’re really just looking for an excuse to dress up.”
She had said something like this before, but I had forgotten. Part of the struggle my wife experiences with this is the thought that I may not really be interested in her, but just looking for an excuse to change my clothes. Whenever I suggest dressing up for something, I always try to tell her that I don’t have to and that I really want to be with her, but as opportunities to dress up are not always frequent, I know I can get excited as I plan and look forward to a lunch or other outing.
I think we have to be careful to ensure that our SO’s never feel like our clothing (or any other thing we like to do) is more important to us than they are. I know there are a broad range of experiences, feelings, and relationships about how and why each of us dress up. But if you’re going to be successful in a marriage, you DO have to make your spouse your priority. My wife struggles the most any time she starts to feel that I might want to be in an outfit more than I want to be with her. If I’m more enthusiastic and thoughtful about the outfit than I am about spending time with her, it can hurt her.
Anyway, I hope this helps some of you work through the difficulty of cross dressing in a relationship.
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