• Creator
    Topic
  • #640514
    Carmen Cruz
    Participant
    Registered On: September 12, 2021
    Topics: 27
    Replies: 287
    Has thanked: 433 times
    Been thanked: 1715 times

    I can’t figure this one out yet, but it’s a recently new “feeling” and has to do with social perception between online and offline.

    I’m confident and comfortable going out into any social environment at this point dressed as femme, and I’d never outwardly call it out that I’m a guy, etc. I haven’t been mis-gendered in girl mode (though I have in guy mode).

    Anyhow, lately, I’ve been feeling like I wanted to venture into presenting as female online OUTSIDE of the topics and sites that clearly identify me as “CD/trans/non-conforming”. You know, regular stuff like makeup sites, etc. Even as far as creating an entirely new Amazon account as Carmen and putting up reviews, as Carmen…

    But here’s the weird thing… online, in photos, I am 100% confident nobody would call me out as a man, but I find myself needing/wanting to identify myself as a man before posting anything on these sites/subs online (again, outside of “CD/trans” sites).

    Like, I posted on a makeup site, and I could have easily just posted as a regular woman and I don’t think anybody would have questioned. But, for some reason, I made sure my title included the fact that I was actually a man?????????????? Weird right?

    I don’t know where that’s coming from, since I’d never say to anybody in public that I’m a guy before walking into a store en femme?

    Does that make any sense???

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    Replies
    • #640864
      Marti
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 5, 2019
      Topics: 62
      Replies: 958
      Has thanked: 4907 times
      Been thanked: 4539 times

      Hi Carmen,

      I think I recognise this syndrome, because something similar happens to me at times. But not to say it applies to you.

      I’ve had an interesting life, some of which has been unconventional shall we say and some of which is ‘too much detail’. Nothing to do with cross dressing.

      But very occasionally , despite the obvious sensible attitude of ‘let sleeping dogs lie’, I find myself dropping things that just don’t need saying into conversations with folk I don’t know very well.

      Is it me wanting to be seen as ‘windswept and interesting’? Is it me defensively thinking ‘hey don’t think you know me when you don’t know things about me that define my life’ ? Am I trying to shock people out of a perceived normality? I don’t know the answer,

      Just a thought.

      {For the record, I haven’t dropped any cross dressing hints in a similar way. What does that say?}

      Marti xxx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #640980
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
        Replies: 287
        Has thanked: 433 times
        Been thanked: 1715 times

        Exactly on point. Thank you. Is it insecurity and fear? Example, you know how when people interact with each other, “we” point out something we’re insecure about ourselves, just randomly… I notice people do this a lot…

        Like, I’ll have some interaction with a random person, and they immediately point out their pimple. Totally random. And they’ll explain it too, how normally, they don’t have that pimple. Um, how does that apply to anything we’re even talking about? LOL. Same goes if someone has a cold sore, they go around telling everybody, virtually the first word that comes out of their mouth… “oh don’t mind the cold sore”… or “my skin is seriously breaking out”… or “my hair looks like crap today”… or “do you see my belly?”… and it’s totally random and off topic and nothing I’m even noticing or care about in that moment.

        I don’t know. Interesting thoughts.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640838
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 843
      Replies: 402
      Has thanked: 353 times
      Been thanked: 1880 times

      Hi Carmen.

      I don’t know the exact reason of the behavior you describe, but see if this makes some sense… (Please ignore this if somebody else may have already pointed this up, if they have, sorry if this seems repetitive)

      So, let’s say somebody who follows football reads that “The kicker for the local HS team scored a game winning 50 yards field goal”. As far as I know, while a good distance, is far away from being impressive. Now let’s change the headline to “Stephanie, the kicker for the local HS team scored a game winning 50 yards field goal”… It suddenly becomes a special achievement, right?
      Similar to a pretty girl posting her photo in a makeup site… “I’m Carmen and this is my cat eye technique”, may be “just another photo of a pretty girl in the site posting an average photo. Whereas “I’m Carmen, and I’m transgendered (or a CD/TS/Non-Binary, etc.) and this is my cat eye technique” becomes more of an “special achievement”.

      Because being pretty for a cis female is an everyday thing, being pretty for a non cis female is a more special thing, for the most part.

      Please let me know what you think.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #640860
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
        Replies: 287
        Has thanked: 433 times
        Been thanked: 1715 times

        I think definitely there’s accuracy and validity to this thought process. I think it’s that sense of achievement that I can be proud of. However, I don’t know a thing about football, so I don’t care who kicks it, I don’t know whats good or not LOL!

        But more seriously… I have this friend, who is constantly bragging about how a company he “owns” pays him minimum wage, yet he makes fun of people who can’t afford multiple sports cars, multiple homes, multiple vacation properties like he has… he’s constantly “proud” of how he works 24 hours a day at his job, gets paid minimum wage and no overtime, and why nobody else is smart enough to “accomplish” what he does with so little pay yet owns all these things.

        Here’s the thing since I’ve known him all is life. His dad started his company. His dad has paid for every single car he owns. His dad paid his homes in cash. He hasn’t had to use a penny of his minimum wage for actually “living”.

        Anyhow, long story short, it annoys me to no end and I don’t even consider him a friend and have no desire to spend time with him. To me, the only thing he accomplished was he was born into his family… is that even an “accomplishment”?

        While it’s unrelated, it’s the same idea.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #640700
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      Hi Carmen,

      First, I love reading your posts. I am more trans and trying to figure things out. Your posts have meaning to me.

      I have been into reading a lot of articles about our minds and belief systems. Since that is freshly in my mind, I would look to you beliefs and does it remind you of something when you were a child? Or were your parents like that? We pick up our parents beliefs were we are small child.

      I am not saying that I am correct about this, it’s just the angle that I take when looking at the mind and behavior.

      Amethyst

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640537
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 995
      Has thanked: 3682 times
      Been thanked: 4646 times

      Hi Carmen,

      Nothing is ever weird with you!

      If the site doesn’t require a photo then why the need to declare you are a C.D.?

      Is it the ‘Imposter syndrome’ in that you are having an internal conflict that you aren’t as competent, i.e the woman, as others may perceive you to be. From your musings you are quite the perfectionist. There is no doubt how you appear and deport visually, so it could be that you feel that without the visual prompt you may not word yourself as a woman and fear the give away?

      My turn to be weird…..

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #640542
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
        Replies: 287
        Has thanked: 433 times
        Been thanked: 1715 times

        Hi Angela, to clarify… it’s only when I post pics as Carmen. For example, I posted a pic to a makeup site to show off my makeup (totally unrelated to CD/trans/etc.) Just a regular site. But when I created the title of the post, I totally felt the need to identify myself as male. I actually could have just posted without that identification attached to my pic, but I didn’t. I felt some personal internal struggle and so I made sure everyone knew I was a guy when they look at my pic. Just trying to understand my reason for feeling that way! Since my goal when I get dressed is obviously to be seen as a woman. There’s like this mental block in that goal between Carmen in public, vs. Carmen online as a woman, vs. Carmen online as a CD on a CD site.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #640811
          Araminta Purdy
          Duchess
          Registered On: January 23, 2020
          Topics: 8
          Replies: 426
          Has thanked: 847 times
          Been thanked: 1644 times

          I am rather uncertain but I suspect that you will know when it is necessary to inform anyone of your physiological status but that most of the time, when feminine, concentrate on being a woman. And be a lady about it. Apparently you do not have to concentrate too hard.

          Araminta.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #640546
          Trish White
          Baroness
          Registered On: December 2, 2021
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 192
          Has thanked: 483 times
          Been thanked: 722 times

          Hey Carmen, maybe you’re subconsciously fishing for confirmation that you are as feminine as you look. I’m sure you know that you are very passable so maybe just having someone come back with “really, there’s no way you can look that good and be a crossdresser” just confirms what you already know. I know it happened to me a few years ago and I felt wonderful when he said it. Have a good weekend sweetie.

          Love,

          Trish

          4 users thanked author for this post.
          • #640570
            Carmen Cruz
            Lady
            Registered On: September 12, 2021
            Topics: 27
            Replies: 287
            Has thanked: 433 times
            Been thanked: 1715 times

            This is actually a very very interesting thought process you touched on, and potentially has something to do deeper into who I am as a person…

            When I’m in girl mode in public, I’ll often get random people just walking up to compliment me. Either “you’re beautiful”, “you’re gorgeous”, all sorts of very positive stuff… and while I’m appreciative, it’s just taken as face value and that’s it. I just go do my thing. While it does make me feel good, it’s like, it’s so superficial that it doesn’t really make me feel all that accomplished? Maybe?

            This is interesting, because I tend to downplay myself a lot in the things I’m naturally good at. Case in point, when I sit down somewhere in public and play some random piano at a store, a bunch of people will come up and tell me it’s so beautiful and ask a bunch of questions. I downplay it and always let people know I’m not trained in piano, I have never taken lessons, I don’t even know how to read notes.

            In the martial arts, I lied about being a black belt when I signed up for national competitions so that I could compete at the highest levels, even though I was just a green belt at the time. I kept winning every competition, and I felt accomplished, but when I actually got my 2nd degree, I stopped competing… like it made it not fun anymore because well, it’s the performance I would have expected out of myself at that level… so it made it all feel “bleh”.

            So maybe it’s that confirmation that I’m doing a good job that I seek? Maybe it would actually “feel” deeper of a compliment when I’m out as Carmen and someone says “Wow, you’re so beautiful”… but then followed up with “for a crossdresser”… because it would validate the effort at a deeper level vs. the superficial???

            But just like piano, or martial arts, with feminizing it’s ultimately about the end goal… but maybe my efforts I want noticed to. When they’re not, maybe I feel like it’s discounting the “work” I put into it.

            Interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            4 users thanked author for this post.
          • #640668
            Trish White
            Baroness
            Registered On: December 2, 2021
            Topics: 3
            Replies: 192
            Has thanked: 483 times
            Been thanked: 722 times

            Hi Carmen, what style did you study in Martial Arts. I took Shodokan for several years. My Sensie was a 10th degree black belt. I used to help him train his Dobermans as attack dogs. Guess who the bait was? I damn near got my leg taken off one time….it was close.

            You brought up some good points too. But I sure hope that when you reach your goal in feminization then you end up saying “bleh”, that would be horrible. But if it happens, can I have your wardrobe, LOL.

            Love,

            Trish

            2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #640677
            Carmen Cruz
            Lady
            Registered On: September 12, 2021
            Topics: 27
            Replies: 287
            Has thanked: 433 times
            Been thanked: 1715 times

            Hi Trish,

            2nd degree in Tae Kwon Do, 1st degree in Kenpo.

            After thinking about this post more, and reading everyones response, and thinking about it more again, and rethinking lol… this may actually be why I’m gun shy about starting HRT. With my personality type, if I start HRT, then my expectation of just being a “woman” will technically be met. Would that cause me to find this femininity thing “boring” for lack of a better word. I think what excites me, is that doing it naturally makes it feel like I’m coming at it as an underdog, using skills learned along the way, perseverance and hard work to look the way I do… vs… bleh, I take HRT so I expect to look how I look.

            It’s like the story will change in my head ya know? In my head, would I appreciate the effort as much if all I can say is “well, I take HRT” if somebody views me a woman? It’s like that drive and ambition all of the sudden settles, and it becomes taking a pill vs. all the research, trial and error, testing, diet, skin-care, makeup technique, the “skills” to making myself feminine.

            This actually is starting to make sense to me, and seems I apply the same way of thinking to many parts of my life.

            UPDATE:

            You know, now that I wrote that out, I think I’m having some sort of revelation LOL…

            Like, makeup. I use dollar store products, even though I can afford much higher end makeup. When someone compliments my lipstick, in my head, the compliment wouldn’t mean much if I just spent 30 bucks for some super fancy high end lipstick, because, well, in my head, the cost and brand better darn well get that reaction from people. It’s like, a given, or expected. But when I get the same compliment, and knowing using the cheapest lipstick I could find, then in my head, it’s a more fun story… I could be super proud of the fact that I got the same compliment, knowing I’m using a dollar lipstick, and can proudly state the fact that it’s a dollar.

            This is all really interesting!

            3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640530
      Araminta Purdy
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 426
      Has thanked: 847 times
      Been thanked: 1644 times

      Perhaps you are actually testing for a reaction. What would you do if you get one?

      Maybe you have arrived at an ‘activist’ stage. You know! “I am male and I am beautiful so get over it!”

      Then there’s the possibility that you simply resent the mendacity of seemingly being ‘dishonest’. You likely prefer, as a lady, to be forthright and open.

      Also, there is the teensiest possibility that the flattery you get from things like, “Gosh! I never would have guessed!”, coupled with glances of admiration might be a factor.

      Perhaps you have those moments when you feel that, “That guy knows”, and just want to forestall any awkwardness.

      Mostly I think that it is that you are an introspective and observant person who wants to understand Carmen as she grows. Sometimes other people are the mirror in which we see our real selves.

      Araminta.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #640576
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
        Replies: 287
        Has thanked: 433 times
        Been thanked: 1715 times

        Always with the lovely responses Araminta. I think you incorporated pretty much everything it could be, and to a certain extent, you’re probably correct in every one!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640518
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 771
      Has thanked: 17057 times
      Been thanked: 2778 times

      Hi Carmen

      Maybe because you are proud of your incredible ability to feminize yourself to the point that it’s never questioned if you are male, and you just need to share it with another community?

      You should be very proud by the way!

      Hugs,

      Lara

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #640577
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
        Replies: 287
        Has thanked: 433 times
        Been thanked: 1715 times

        Thank you Lara. That’s probably part of it too at a certain level for sure!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

If you don't see the captcha above please disable ad and tracking blockers and reload the page.