An itch that can't be scratched

[Charlene Victoria]

Hi dear friends.

Where I am at (near Chicago) it looks to be a beautiful spring day. Yet my spirit is dark. I am sad.

The birds chirp, flowers are blooming everywhere, the sun kisses the earth with welcomed warmth.

And I am sad? That makes no sense. . . . unless;

As I have every other spring I will experience this one as a male. My dysphoria looms great this morning. With it comes sadness that there will be no stepping out in a flowery printed sun dress. No heeled sandals. No bangling earings. No season appropriate makeup. No man holding the door for me as I shop.  Ha! No shopping.

No exercision to Home Depot to buy plants for my garden. No fanatical “mom” cheering at my child’s ball game. No extra special luxuriating as I get ready for my date night tonight with my honey. No smokey eye make up artistry readying me for that evening.

Ah yes, such is the life of each of us born with GD. Each spring; each summer; each autumn; each winter; Yes each season brings it’s own variety of sadness.

Forgive me for the topic not being lighter, more upbeat. Truly I am sorry, but for the moment I long for feminine expression (and for me, not just expression, but being) so deeply I ache.

So I come here to share, knowing some will understand and help carry the load.

Blessings,

Charrie

[Candy]

Yes I do understand. Very well said, Charrie.

[Anonymous]

Hello Charlene. Yes I used your full name because I have always liked that name and I think it is beautiful. I am sorry Spring doesn’t bring good and bright joys for you and I do understand. I waited to long in life to make a change and am now trapped in what can be considered an unfulfilled need to be myself full time yet I try to look at the good I have with this life. I am a tg that is trapped with the limit of being a cd and that is somewhat depressing but I have a family I love and am not willing to sacrifice their happiness and future for my own. Yes my wife knows and lets me have my time away but it isn’t the same. The happiness I feel is short lived and even depressing knowing it will end when I go home. I wish you the best in finding a balance that can give you happiness and contentment with your life and the knowledge you are NOT alone with your struggles. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Hang in girl!

🍷C

[cdheaven]

Its like your reading my mind! I’ve tried to distracted my self with things i normally enjoy but i can’t seem to pull any joy from it as my male self. i cant seem to shake this feeling of gloom.

[Sarah Mack]

Yes I understand the pain very well

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