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Hi Kandace,
Maybe the time, or the approach has not been quite right. Also, you might need some more support in your corner. Coming out to the spouse is a very significant event, you will know when the time and the way is right.
I’ve read your bio. If you really want to get `”the talk” over with. Maybe just print out your bio and ask your wife to read it (with you there).
– Robyn
Thank you Robyn for that post. I have a close friend who transitioned 5 yrs ago. When she was planning to have her SRS she told her loved ones by sending them a letter. At the time I thought she should tell them in person. I was wrong. She told her grown daughter in a very well written message.Today she has a great relationship with her daughter and her grandchildren.
I guess the time to have the talk with the wife is the same kind of courage it takes to go out. You want to do it so much put fear stops it. Hopefully when that time comes it goes well.
Looking back, it seems it was real good for my wife to have met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. That same day we went out shopping as girlfriends to a crowded mall. Talk about about scary, exciting and thrilling.
Kandace,
I would not push to hard on you discussing your dressing to your wife. At sometime everything will fall into place and you will know when that time is. I remember when I came out to a close friend of mine. I was going over to her house to get something from her, as I was standing at her door waiting for her to answer I pulled out my phone and got a picture of me that I had taken dressed as Syndee pulled up. We were sitting there talking and I said I have something I wanted to show you and showed her the picture. She looked at if for a minute and then I saw the realization on her face that it was me dressed as Syndee. She looked at the picture and then at me and just gave me a hug and said I am so happy for you ! I felt an amazing weight lifted and when I told my wife I had told her, my wife asked me why? I told her the time just felt right. That time will come for you also and it will just hit you. You will know when.
Hi again Candace girl i cant add much to what these wonderful ladies have said allready but reinforce what they have said as you will know when the time is right .. Girl i came out to my wife just after we were married and she accepted Stephanie as her words they are just clothes the person inside is still there just with two hearts he he hugs girlfriend and good luck .. You got this just listen to your girly heart and your drab heart together they will know when the time is right good luck girl..
Stephanie Bass
Hi Kandace, I can understand your worries. Perhaps you might want to think about sort of feeling her out. What are her thoughts on the whole LGTBQI+ (or whatever it is today) spectrum and maybe try to find out what she thinks about each part. Now, I came out to my spouse years ago (several months into our marriage) before I knew her thoughts and probably before there was an alpha-character designation for all of it. Since then, I’ve happily discovered that she is very accepting of people with alternate lifestyles, as we count several couples as friends…because they are good people!
Another thought, make sure you know (as much as you can) what she is expecting from your marriage (you know, day to day responsibilities, joint activities, personal needs, um, intimacy), and you are doing what you can to fulfill your part. And in that discussion, or the continuations of that discussion, she might bring up what she can do with and for you. Then it’s up to you to decide.
Hope this helps at least a little. Hugs, ChloëC
Hi Kandace
I told my wife after 10 yrs of marriage. We are now married 51. To this day my wife has not seen me dressed except for a pictore once that I left in the glove compartment of my car. It was a professional picture taken of me at a event. Her only comment was that she didnt like it. My wife will never have anything to do with my femme side. When she fiund that pic we had 3 children. We now have 5 children and 9 grandchildren. I have accepted that my wife will never have anything to do with my femme side. I think of transitioning, but I really couldn’t do that to her. My life is about balance.
Yours TerriHi Kandace,
I’m in the same situation as you but I think I’m on the verge of coming out to my wife. Thanks to a couple of girlfriends here at CDH for giving me a little extra courage. Now I’m giving her a couple of days to get over a bad cold. I know every case is different but if I go through with it I will keep you posted.
hugs
Annabeth
My wife discovered my dressing when she pulled a camisole strap out of my (girly) sweatshirt. We had a long and emotional talk, and she has come to accept my dressing, although I limit it (now) to camisoles, panties, leggings, and the occasional girly top. Would I like to do more? Of course. But, it seems to be the best for us right now. I took a long time to come out to her, but I now know it was the best thing to do, because I feel comfortable wearing girly clothes around the house and she (I think) feels comfortable seeing me in them. So, I think the best thing is to come clean. Not easy, but it will also make you feel more comfortable wearing girly clothes all the time.
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