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  • #675894
    Becka
    Participant
    Registered On: January 7, 2017
    Topics: 106
    Replies: 1220
    Has thanked: 806 times
    Been thanked: 3413 times

    Hello All You Lovely Ladies!

    As I’ve said before my wife is not supportive.  Over time however she seemed to be a little more accepting.  When shopping I’ve bought capris, and even shoes.  Womans shoes although they were more androgynous in appearance.

    When out yesterday I found a nice pair of black flats that fit nicely.  Not to femme, but more than what I’ve bought in the past.  It took a few passes looking at them and I finally got up tot courage to show them to my wife and say I was thinking of getting them.  I really wanted (want) them.

    I showed her and she said “those are okay…..you mean for you?”  I said yes, I really like them.  Her reply really bothered me, was hurtful.  She said, “no way, you can’t wear those, what will you do, be prancing around in those, no way.”

    It was that “prancing around” that really got me.  I just put them back on the shelf.  I was really in a whirl mentally.  I finally told her I would meet her outside while she paid for the things she was buying.

    Don’t know what to do, say

     

Viewing 21 reply threads
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    • #682287
      Becka
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 106
      Replies: 1220
      Has thanked: 806 times
      Been thanked: 3413 times

      Thank you all so much for sharing your stories, advice and support.

      What a great group of Gals you all are!

      Love and hugs!

      Becka

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #682251
      Natalie Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: September 20, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 151
      Has thanked: 524 times
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      Becka

      Your wife’s comment was so unnecessary and hurtful. It always feels worse when you start to believe they may be coming around eve just a little.
      my first wife wouldn’t accept any of it , not even panties. She could be quick with a hurtful comment.
      mine time she commented that if I found unisex style panties she might be ok with it. So I searched and found Jockey Elance cotton bikini panties and bought two boxes . No girlie colors or lace trim they didn’t look much different than my Haines mens bikini underwear. I placed the in my drawer and began wearing them. She said nothing for over a year or more . She would even wash, fold and put them in my drawer for me. One day I opened my drawer and something g seemed missing. I soon realized it was the Elance panties. I searched in the hamper, the laundry but couldn’t t find them. Finally I opened the trash container in the laundry room and there they were. Not just tossed in but cut to piece’s with scissors. I was steaming made and hurt . I went out a did as she said. They didn’t belong to her and she had no right to destroy them. Later that week I went out a purchased more. She never said a word but within 2 years we were separated.

      Natalie

      💋💋💋

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #682161
      Lovisa Kevätdóttir
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 11, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 30
      Has thanked: 34 times
      Been thanked: 119 times

      You deserve better

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #682140
      Olivia Livin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 56
      Replies: 1676
      Has thanked: 9702 times
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      Hi Becka

      My gf has been and still is very supportive…..But, while she enjoys most of the pieces and outfits I get she doesn’t necessarily approve of my wearing some of them when we go out together. When out shopping I will accept her opinion of what I am about to purchase, as just that though, her opinion, I still purchase it if its something I like and give in to the fact that its probably not something I’m going to wear when we’re out together.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #682096
      Tracy H
      Lady
      Registered On: August 13, 2022
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 13
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      I have come to the conclusion that I have to take care of my own mental health. So I do what I want and not worry about what my wife thinks. It has gotten her more on board but not totally supportive. But I feel better.

      Tracy

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #682099
        Harley Hensly
        Lady
        Registered On: October 5, 2022
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 26
        Has thanked: 54 times
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        Youre lucky to have an understanding wife then. Mine was at first then all of a sudden outt the blue here recentlywigged out about it and well Im back to square one again. But hey I feel better than I did before so thats a plus.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #682074
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 470
      Has thanked: 1776 times
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      My situation is an opposite but with some similarities which are very difficult to live with.

      My wife is and always has been very supportive of my cross dressing.  Wonderful you say but hold on!  She also has very deep mood swings, often and suddenly, with no warning at all.

      There are days when she feels so good that she will sing soprano all day long all over the home.

      This is also a reason why I do not set dates with sister CDs, a commitment to meet may have to be broken at the last moment, if my wife’s mood swings into depression.  I can plan for days to cross dress for an event, then the morning of the event my wife’s mood will suddenly change for the worse, and I will have to cancel my much looked forward to plans.

      Another time we were in a wig shop, shopping for a wig for my wife.  I was excited for her and helping her make a choice.  Without warning, she startled the shop owner and me by screaming at me to shut up and go away.  I left the store and sat in my truck until she came out, whereupon she asks me what the problem was.  She apparently had little to no recollection of her behavior and thought I just got tired of being in the store.

      How to handle these situations?  I always assume there will be last minute changes to my plans.  I am very careful about making commitments.

      And yes, there is a medical explanation for her behavior.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #682183
        Roberta Broussard
        Baroness
        Registered On: July 20, 2020
        Topics: 7
        Replies: 505
        Has thanked: 6920 times
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        Sometimes it’s just not about us. It’s about them. The hard thing is to tell the difference.

        My first wife that I was married too for 19 yrs. Suffered from chronic depression and a personality disorder. Being young, somewhat ignorant of such things. I had no idea as to how to cope or live with that. I had known of people that were a little off but never anyone like this.

        As she ultimately and slowly got better. For her it became a tool of manipulation to keep the rest of the house under her control. I later learned that this was just verbal and emotional abuse. Giver her outburst and mood swings we were all kept walking on eggshells around her.

        When you live with someone like this, over time you get deeply affected by the wonky behavior. It took me many years after we spit to get my own head right.

        I finally got her professional help and that helped the rest of us.  Like most who suffer these conditions she would never stay on her meds.

         

    • #681627
      Harley Hensly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 5, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 26
      Has thanked: 54 times
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      Girl I feel ya trust me my ex was cool at first with me being Harley. Then all of a sudden outta the blue she wiggs out on me about it and well now gotta get every thing all over again. If it were me Id go back and get the flats you wanted. Let the inner girly part of you shine you are who you are and you cant change that.

      • #681878
        Becka
        Lady
        Registered On: January 7, 2017
        Topics: 106
        Replies: 1220
        Has thanked: 806 times
        Been thanked: 3413 times

        Thanks Harley.  You are so right!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #682092
          Harley Hensly
          Lady
          Registered On: October 5, 2022
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 26
          Has thanked: 54 times
          Been thanked: 66 times

          Youre very welcome Becka

          2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676129
      Rachel Sometime
      Lady
      Registered On: February 23, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 27
      Has thanked: 52 times
      Been thanked: 73 times

      I know what you are saying, I have heard my wife use the “prancing around” comment before and I know it is hurtful. Sorry Happy dressing always in the future

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676117
      Becka
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 106
      Replies: 1220
      Has thanked: 806 times
      Been thanked: 3413 times

      Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

      You are all so wonderful.

      Luck and love you all!
      Becka!

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676073
      Amandah Opal
      Baroness
      Registered On: April 13, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 11
      Has thanked: 58 times
      Been thanked: 53 times

      Hi Becka, yes a bruising comment, but loving support coming from us all to help you step forward again.

      You mentioned she was helping apply makeup a few days prior. To my way of thinking, your spouse is struggling with her emotions and how to deal with her internal conflict. It’s probably as much about her as it’s about you, and may go someway to explain her reply.

      I agree with Michelle’s advice about drawing our partners into our lifestyle, so they don’t feel vulnerable. Find a moment to express how you felt, and without labouring it, enquire about how she felt at that time in the hope of understanding the language/emotional drivers of her reply.

      Like any major steps in life preparation and timing are critical. Take your time to prepare your discussion with her. Other than the wonderful advice here, there are articles on CDH, Hannah McKnight, etc. who have given a huge amount of thought to addressing these situations.

      love and hugzzz Amandah

    • #676057
      Chrissy Perry
      Lady
      Registered On: August 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44
      Has thanked: 183 times
      Been thanked: 159 times

      Hi Becka – I’m so sorry that happened to you. You definitely have my sympathy for the situation. I know people blurt out things they don’t really meam, maybe this could be the case. The flats you wanted sound great. Can you still get them? Peace and love – Chrissy

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676043
      Ginger Snap
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 161
      Has thanked: 5376 times
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      Sad, dont know what to say. Dont give up, take it slow and be honest and open. That was probably a big step for you to bring up that you wanted them. Stay positive.
      Hugs Ginger

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676039
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 966
      Has thanked: 3257 times
      Been thanked: 3294 times

      Becka,

      So sad to hear this. I can only hope your situation one day improves.

      Much love,
      Raquel

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676025
      Dianna Rose
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 1104
      Has thanked: 1969 times
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      “Prancing”. I got it, and I can understand why it hurt.

      Sorry, Becka.

      Dianna

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676019
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1276
      Has thanked: 28257 times
      Been thanked: 4724 times

      Hi Becka,

      Sorry to hear you got smacked down in such a hurtful way! You handled it perfectly by going outside to wait.
      I hope you have a good discussion when you let her know how that made you feel.

      Hugs,

      Lara

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #676007
      Cerys Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: February 2, 2021
      Topics: 73
      Replies: 233
      Has thanked: 213 times
      Been thanked: 1960 times

      Ah yes, “Prancing around”…. I get that occasionally. Whilst my wife is amazing a extremely supportive, she does sometimes go to the negative side…. When I wasn’t working, I’d be dressed en femme most of the time. My wife would be upstairs working. Every now and then, when she was stressed I’d get “It’s OK for you, prancing around all day”….Sometimes, if I said I was going out dressed, she’d ask “Why do you need to go prancing around outside?”
      In all honesty, I don’t think our wives/partners realise the impact of what they say. They don’t understand how deep it cuts. Trying to explain this often makes things worse.
      As Michelle said, it’s a minefield. You never know when you are going to trip one. A few months ago, my wife and I were out shopping. I bought a load of clothes, and a new lipstick. All was great, until I stopped to look at mascara. I picked one out and told my wife I’d be buying it…. KABOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!It was like I told her I’d been sleeping with the neighbour! She went bonkers. This was only a couple of days after she was putting foundation on me in Boots (A chemist and cosmetics shop) to make sure I got the right colour! Clothes OK. Lipstick OK. Foundation OK….. Mascara….. Boomn! It’s a minefield, it really is….. I must add that do now own mascara, and wear it regularly 🙂

      Cerys

      • #676038
        Raquel Smith
        Lady
        Registered On: August 26, 2021
        Topics: 19
        Replies: 966
        Has thanked: 3257 times
        Been thanked: 3294 times

        Oh, if they’re unsupportive, I think they carefully choose the words they use.  It’s either that or subconsciously, the words that come out are an expression of their true feelings.  Spoken as a crossdresser who’s wife has never seen her, but has heard things come out of her wife’s mouth enough to know it would not go well if said crossdresser came out of hiding.

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #675992
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 72
      Replies: 1170
      Has thanked: 2731 times
      Been thanked: 5511 times

      Oh, Becka. I feel so bad for you. having someone you love put you down in such a away can be a huge blow to you. It can feel like getting punched in the gut. I know, my 15yo granddaughter often calls me a weirdo, often after talking with my X.
      We all need to be there for each other in these times, cause what your wife did was unbelievable.

      .Cassie

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #675947
      Emily Alt
      Hostess
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 1286
      Has thanked: 1442 times
      Been thanked: 6640 times

      I don’t know anything about your situation but see this as a red flag.  You say your spouse is unsupportive.  This incident goes beyond that.  It’s demeaning.  If it were me, I’d tell her it has to stop.  Now.  Putting up with behavior like this will only encourage more of it.  Best of luck to you.

      Emily

    • #675923
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 4413
      Has thanked: 63560 times
      Been thanked: 15809 times

      Hi Becka sorry for your wifes reluctance to accept you as a girlfriend .. You did the right thing in walking away and save the battle in public .. Pick your time a descuss it at home and good luck girlfriend ..

      Stephanie bass

    • #675912
      Susan Talbot
      Duchess
      Registered On: June 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 319
      Has thanked: 4581 times
      Been thanked: 1320 times

      Becka.  I’m very sorry that happened.  I hope you sit down and talk with her.  To say no is sad but understandable the prance around part was wrong and hopefully she will see that. I hope that you can have a blessed Sunday.

      Susan

    • #675902
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 89
      Replies: 2010
      Has thanked: 8915 times
      Been thanked: 10426 times

      Ouch.  I’m sorry to hear that, it had to sting Becka.  And you are right in the ” prancing around” being particularly hurtful.  The No part is one thing, but that phrase was belittling.  Any chance she would be receptive to you letting her know that part was hurtful to you?  Saying “no” to shoes is one thing you could live with I guess, but that added barb was unnecessary.   I do hope she is sensitive enough to know how painful it was hearing that hon.

      Stevie

      • #675905
        Becka
        Lady
        Registered On: January 7, 2017
        Topics: 106
        Replies: 1220
        Has thanked: 806 times
        Been thanked: 3413 times

        Thank you, Stevie.  I want to and will let her know about that.  My impression is for her she has no clue and is done and on to other things.

        Really tough cause she is so adamant about protecting and supporting those who are “different”, just not where I am concerned.

        Love and hugs,

        Becka

    • #675898
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 1810
      Has thanked: 13008 times
      Been thanked: 9089 times

      Living with a wife that is only barely accepting our female side is like walking in a mine field. Some days things seem to go smoothly then the next day we trip an explosion, some small and some large. Like hidden mines, we never know when something will set them off. Little things that we think are innocent but to them its a red flag. When you showed her the flats it tripped that mine in your face but you did the right thing by dropping it and leaving the area. It was a smackdown and insult in a way only spouses can deliver… been there done that! Back off and go slow… little steps over time. We want to draw them into our lifestyle and be our girlfriend but they don’t see it that way, but could come around over time, or maybe not… its a minefield.

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